FknBucky

Now if you have worked at a ski resort in CO for any amount of time you are thinking one thing right now.  People from TX are a bunch of morons that talk funny and are full of very stupid questions.  “What do Y’All do with the moguls in the summertime?” Or my personal favorite “Y’All rent those skiboards here?  If you call a snowboard a ski-board you should be locked into a porta-potty and rolled down a hill while it is doused in gasoline and set on fire.  Not mean enough?  You will be locked in there drunk with Nancy Pelosi naked.  I just gave myself the willies.

So what is the point of making everyone from TX angry in my opening paragraph you say.  Well it might have something to do with the fact it is the only state I’ve ever gotten a speeding ticket in.  I had just finished smoking a joint, cracked open my first beer, and was driving about a hundred miles an hour in a large extended super van at ten o’clock in the morning when I noticed the rollers behind me, but that is besides the point. After some extremely smooth talking somehow I rolled out of there with only a ticket for doing 88 in a 70 MPH zone.  Chalk one up for the good guys.  Any one that has been with me when the police catch up with me know that I’m real good in these situations.  The key is to not panic and give it away that you are way more guilty than they know, and gets lots of practice lying to the police while still in high school.   Now years later, I’m much more mature and only drive the speed limit while getting high and drinking beer on the freeways of TX.

Actually when I spent some time in TX it turns out the people there are awesome.  The women are gorgeous and people are super friendly, especially if you are white like I am.  I hooked up with a little cheerleader that was extremely good on the eyes, but my friends that is a story for a different type of website.  Hmmmm enjoying that memory for moment.  Take a break with me.  Ok now that my head is clear back on track.  So once I visited TX and figured out I liked it; what the hell am I talking about?  If you’ve read any of the other blogs I’ve written you should know by now that I don’t even know most of the time.

The reason I said Texas is a dump is because some where in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is a dump the size of Texas.  That’s right out in the middle of nowhere is a place that thousands of square miles are filled with trash that you throw out everyday.  It contains a hardhat with Korean writing on it, a life jacket with little fish on it for a child, and all of the copies of Al Gore’s books on global warming.  I’ve heard rumors about such a place and figured it was just a bunch of tree huggin hippies shooting off at the mouth.  Why can’t hippies shower and wash their hair?  What does smelling like poop have to do with saving the planet?  I tend to listen better when the person talking to me takes the time to brush their teeth first.  Just saying.

No it is much sadder than that because it is completely true.  The currents of the ocean happen to move in such a way that after decades of floating around all of this trash ends up here.  It is hard for some of you to understand that the earth isn’t flat and this isn’t George Bush’s fault, but look it up if you don’t believe me and see it for yourself.  I’m not an oceanographer or a hippie, but I do think this is a disgusting example at how unbalanced humans are with the planet.  Even though we come all this way since burning people at the stake for being witches we can’t understand that when things float away in the ocean they don’t disappear forever.  Don’t get me wrong here, I’m all for bringing back the burning of witches starting with Perez Hilton, but when can we stop using the ocean as a trash can??

The reason you don’t hear about it is because no one has figured out how to tax us to clean it up yet.  Be assured that once they do it will become the next big crisis that Rahb Emanuel won’t let go to waste.  Who doesn’t have a problem with that statement?  Never let a crisis go to waste??  That is like banging the widow at a funeral while she is in jacked up emotional state.  Yeah it is exactly like that and just because you can do it, doesn’t make it right.  Our government not only did it, but they told you about it first.  Way to pay attention genius.

We are all to blame on this one and what can we do about it?  Fuck I don’t know what do you think I am?  I just think everyone should read up on it and then some smart people can figure out how we fix it.  That is what we do as humans.  We screw things up and then we fix it.  If there was no problems then we wouldn’t have any of the achievements mankind has made in the centuries we’ve been around.  How do you think we figured out fire?  Some guy wanted his wife to shut up so he taught her how to cook.  Same goes for dishes, laundry, and blow jobs.  Maybe if we found a way to get quiet women to paddle out and clean up the ocean it will be done in a couple of weeks.

I’m kidding of course, it is going to take way longer than a couple of weeks to clean that up.  It is the size of Texas remember.  My first guess is we should start using things daily that we can wash and reuse instead of plastic and throw it away stuff.  Or make sure any plastic you do use is recyclable and do everything you can to make sure it gets recycled. This is easier than listening to all of the apologies in the last few months from Tiger,  Letterman, and Mark Sanford that suddenly forgot they were married and banged everything that moved near them.  I guess I might have just got my next blog idea.

So the lesson of today.  There are hot cheerleaders in Texas.

Fknbucky