FknBucky

Alright I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, down in my heart.  Ha ha.  Just kidding its more like the rage, rage, rage down in my fist.  I’m foaming at the mouth, trying to get this beat my head against the wall frustration out of my system.  I’m baffled that the world is full of so many stupid, stupid, one more time stupid people.  That came out wrong.  What I meant to say is  “Jessica Alba is freaking hot.” 

Okay so we are going to start small here because most of you have a brain that is only using about 7% of its potential.  Lucky for me 4% of that is already drunk so we are on the same level.  I just called myself stupid in case you missed that.

Driving is a privilege and one that everyone needs to start taking seriously.  I’m baffled at how many of you 3%’ers are glued to your phone as I cruise by you in the right lane.  If you are looking over your right shoulder at someone pass you then immediately pull over, get out of your car, and promptly kiss your own ass.  Don’t worry this will be easy because your head is already stuck firmly up in there.  I just wanted you to pull over in case you enjoy it.  Ewww.

It isn’t rocket science and you’re not a cop.  You are not on the road to make sure I observe the posted speed limit.  You are free to follow the laws of this country and I’m free to break them.  So as my man Ludacris says “Move Bitch, Get out the WAY.”  Here is the fact of the matter.  I’m going to watch for my moment and then floor it, pass you on the right side, and then cut you off anyway while giving you the “You’re number 1 salute!!”  Do the world a favor and save both of us the aggravation.  Just pull to the right.

For those of you that just said “I know like, I hate it when like, people drive all slow in the fast lane.”  I want to chew your head off like Rick ate that bastard on the walking dead.  Let me make this perfectly clear.  There is NO FAST LANE.  It is a passing lane.  That means you pass the car in front of you and then your get out of that lane.  I don’t care if you are doing 10,000 miles an hour.  Pull left, pass car, and then get back over to the right. I might be doing 10,010 miles an hour and I don’t want to slow down because you’re an idiot.

Okay now that you have decided I’m an asshole and you will never get out of the way, let me explain in nicer terms.  If you don’t learn to let other drivers by sooner or later someone that isn’t as polite as I am is going to shoot you in the face with a large caliber handgun.  This might sound bad, but the real travesty is bullets are expensive. Then we will all dance on your corpse singing a made up song about how much we hate you.

Ahh I’m starting to feel a bit better, but tomorrow I will be back on the road with you.  We will get along fine until you decide to pass the car in front of you doing one mile an hour faster than said car.  It will take you six miles to finally get almost past this other car and then that car will speed slightly up and extend this little auto line dance on down the freeway.  Meanwhile me and the 27 other cars stuck behind your dumbass are thinking about how we can build a time machine, travel back to the 1800’s, and kill your entire bloodline.  Thats right by this time killing you isn’t good enough.  I want the whole family, the history of your family, and that girl you hooked up with in college just in case her out of wedlock kid might be yours.

So my new friend (I use that term loosely) when you show up at the pearly gates and St. Peter says “what brings you here?”  Feel free to reply with the truth “I’m a selfish, ignorant, dipshit that never took the time to learn the correct way to drive on a freeway with others.  I came across FknBucky and he straight up said “Fuck it” and killed my worthless ass.

Booom!!!

If you spend anytime at all driving across this great nation I know you feel my pain.  Please share this document in hopes of educating others before it is too late for them.

FknBucky