FknBucky

Yesterday I described a teachable moment I had with my nephew about why sometimes adults make kids do things that they don’t want to, starting with something simple like eating a spoonful of beans.  The world is a funny place sometimes, and in my experience, everything just works out if you’re patient and let it.

The next day after our “bean talk” the nephews and I were getting ready to take Murphy to the park.  By ready I mean I was in my car, AC running, and about to pull out of the parking lot.  This is the male version of ready, not the female version where almost ready means still have to shower and do hair/make-up, BUT she does have the outfit picked out.

Now the nephew for the week prior to this moment had bonded with an upstairs neighbor who happened to have a bulldog.  He loves bulldogs and was very sweet on the cute blond owner as well.  He is a good nephew.  The cute blond comes up to my window and asks if I’ve seen the maintenance men.  Something is obviously bothering her.  I tell her no, roll my window up, and drive away as fast as possible.

That wasn’t true.  I told her no, and then asked what the problem was.  There was a spider in her bathroom.  She needed to get ready for work, but as we know most women don’t like to share a bathroom with creepy crawly things.  For the record NEITHER do I.  The nephew hates them as well, but he really liked the blond and the bulldog.  Real pickle for the young man now.  Hence another teachable moment.

I tell bean boy to get my chair and let the blond know I’ll come up to see if I can help.  Between you and I, I wanted to grab my 12 gauge and just pump five shots thru the bathroom door before I enter, but that isn’t very manly.  Darn testosterone.    The nephew comes with knowing as I do battle with the spider he gets to flirt with the blond.  I’ve taught that kid too much I’m starting to realize as I put this story down on paper.

I enter the apartment, look to my right, and see the bathroom.  Blondie points and says “it’s in there on the counter by my jewelry stand.”  I go in and close the door so that no one can see the EWWWW face I make once I find this spider.  And then it happens.  I see the Count Dracula of spiders!!  It had fangs, mean eyes, and 47 legs.  It used to have 48 but lost one battling a tank in WW2.  I’m thinking what the beep did I get myself into.  My first thought was, offer the boy to this creature as a sacrifice, and get out of there.  Then I thought about those darn beans.  Me and my big mouth.

I made eye contact and it snarled at me.  Not willing to back down I said “Hello kind sir, sorry to bother you.” I was using an ancient orient distraction technique while grabbing some toilet paper known as “grabbing some toilet paper to kill spider.” It worked.  He never saw it coming, well until he did, and then I had to chase that sucker all around the counter top praying it didn’t fall in my lap.  That would have resulted in me squealing like a 7 year old girl, urination of my pants, and NEVER making eye contact with the blond neighbor again.

Luckily that didn’t happen and I killed the spider.  For you ladies yes, I could feel him squish as I, just kidding.  Of course, I teased the blond and told her that I got spider parts all over her jewelry because that is what guys do.  It is our reward for coming to the rescue.  Plus, I just really like to mess with people.  She was very grateful and repeatedly said thanks while bean boy and I made our exit.

On the way back down I asked him “do you think I wanted to come up here and kill that spider?”

He said “No, but sometimes men have to do things they don’t want to.”

Funny how the world will present opportunities for us if we just take the time to recognize them.

Enjoy your day.

FknBucky