Posts Tagged ‘Annie

05
Feb
25

Goggins

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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David Fucking Goggins. Wow. If you know the name then you know what is up. My sister in law gave me a book a few years back and told me to read it. I didn’t. In fact I unpacked that book when I got home, put it somewhere, and never saw it again. That was that. Around a year later I was scrolling IG and came across a video of someone talking to Joe Rogan about this crazy David Goggins guy. As I listened about him I thought “I have to know this person” so I googled him and started the research. I was instantly impressed and loved the fact this human existed.

I loved him so much that I had to tell my sister in law about this savage MF’er named David Goggins. She looked at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead. It was at this moment I realized the book she gave me to read a year prior was the same one I was mansplaining to her. I’m awesome like this. Whatever. I just had to wait long enough for it to be my idea to learn about this badass human. Learn I did. I read both of his books and draw on his philosophy many times in my daily life. When you have to be a savage to simply get out of bed in the morning life hits differently.

I saw on the internet that Goggins was going to be speaking in Charlotte and immediately bought tickets to attend. It was with Aspire and if you have the opportunity to go please do. I decided to buy the advanced package so I could be up front where I belong. I’m way too good looking to be the back. Bucky is no wallflower. Front and center. Goggins came in, ran thru the crowd, and shook my hand as he went past me. I was elated to have this moment with someone I respect so much.

I can’t seem to type this damn paragraph. It keeps deleting. Four times now. I’m going to smash my iPad shortly. This blog is about to get real short or I’ll be spending $1,800 tomorrow. Goggins talked, then took questions, and I was the 3rd one to speak. I said “blah blah, you’re eff’ing great, blah blah, my story, and blah. I’ll post the actual recording on my IG tomorrow once I have time to collect it. A bunch of no longer strangers videotaped me speaking and sent it to me via text. At the end of my talking time I told David Fucking Goggins that I brought him a shirt and I’d be honored if he would take it. He did.

He then put it on in front of 3,000 people and continued his Q&A. I’m still a bit shocked it happened. I almost didn’t bring shirts with me, but at the last minute threw 2 of them in my bag. One I gave to David Meztler at lunch and the other to Goggins. About 10 minutes later Goggins looked right at me and said “I love this fucking shirt.” That is why I paid for the premium t-shirts instead of the cheap ones.

I need to write more, post more, podcast more, but right now I’m just happy. It was a wonderful moment in my life that I earned. Luck is simply when opportunity meets preparedness. Make your own luck. Read the books. Go to the events. Life hard. Be a savage. Man the F up.

Chase your dreams now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

FknBucky

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02
Jun
24

No More Air for FknBucky

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Let’s face it you are all a bunch of sick puppies that want to know the details of FknBucky almost dying. You will get them because I promised to always be honest on here. It has been a very dark road and one I wish I could have avoided, but I will make jokes cause that is what I do. If I was about to be shot in the head, I would ask the shooter to promise to tell the hospital that I did NOT die of Covid. It is just who I am. Marry a funny man if you want to have a fun life. I’m taking apps (women only), bunch of savages….

FYI, My hand and arm are still numb and won’t work correctly. My strength is about 40%. Prayers and respect to all Quads. If you know a Quad or see one, give them an hug and say how amazing their strength is. Some of the strongest people on Earth. As my hand comes back I’ll be able to type and blogs will come faster.

On to dying. I was at home for days stuck in bed feeling sick. I couldn’t get up to take Annie outside or feed her. I could not get up to use the restroom properly and my home became a complete mess. It was overwhelming in so many ways and very disheartening to a person like me that demands the best from myself. To no longer have the strength to live with the independence I cherish came very close to crushing my spirit in the ultimate way. It hurt so much inside. I don’t care about pissing on myself as it happens when people get older and when a person is a paraplegic. The disheartening and soul crushing part was not being able to clean up myself.

My Mom (Carol – Thank You so much) came out to help after I admitted I was in a bad way. My breathing was horrid. I’ve been doing it for 45 years, but for some reason I could not get air. I had to sit cross legged with my head down to breathe. Imagine having to stay in one spot/position to get air. It sucked. Life was happening around me, with people coming and going, the lawn being mowed, packages coming, and I was a statue taking small breaths to simply stay alive. After a week, I called an ambulance. Have I ever mentioned how stubborn I am??

In the ER they found my kidney to be infected again. WOW. I could have told them that. I go thru the motions and get checked into room 7911. Small room. First time in my life I had…. Who knows. I started that sentence earlier and can’t remember what the heck I was planning to say. Oh now I do. Oxygen. First time they put the oxygen on me. It was weird. Didn’t get me high though like they say in fight club. Stupid hospital oxygen. I spent days in that room stuck in bed. No moving just fighting to breathe all day and night. Ma spent the night because it was so rough. My eyes were yellow, body beaten down, very little humor or smiles from me, just pain, hurt, and worry.

Day 4 or 5 I was up again. No sleep in the hospital. NONE. Remember my spasms were going crazy the entire time. They always wanted to lay me flat on my back , irritate the kidney, and make my legs & stomach go insane. My stomach spasms are so strong I can’t breathe when they go. It becomes a clamp on my lungs that makes taking a breath impossible. Think about how scary that would be. Sitting there minding your own business and WHAM you can’t bring air into your body with no idea when it will stop. Now imagine it happens a hundred plus times a day/night.

The clock was 6 AM. The nurse and doctor were talking about discharging me that day. My Mom and I insisted that would not be good for me. I told Mom that I would die if they sent me home as I could feel a lot was wrong still. Everything they were doing was not improving my situation. I couldn’t breathe and my spasms were still going crazy. Remember I had been struggling to breathe for weeks, but now it was real. I was gasping and using all the tiny bit of strength I had to get the smallest amounts of air. It is a crazy feeling to try so hard bring air in and get nothing over and over and over and over…. I was getting legit scared. I have a lot I want to do yet in life. I don’t want to die, not like this…. A fast car on a mountain road, spontaneous combustion, a crazy ex-girlfriend and a kid that ain’t mine, or my favorite going out with a smile at a decently old age after giving away every penny I have to those less fortunate than I am.

The more I struggled the more people came into my tiny room to watch me die. The door was a huge wooden one that the nurse and doctor kept shutting very hard which loud noises make my spasms go off making it double hard to breathe again. Once the doctor came in yelling at me and Mama bear yelled “Hey watch your TONE!!!” My Mom sat back and told me to trust the doctors, but when it goes too far this Farm Mama will stab you with a pitch fork.

Breath so bad it deserves 3 pictures.

The big time doctor came in. He had scrubs on and was a, well male, so you know he was in charge.. Oooo that will get some all stirred up. RELAX. Women are super important. Who else would hold stuff while the doctor works???? He was right up in my grill and clearly ate dog poo for breakfast. Worst breath ever. I was dying. He kept telling me to breathe but I was trying to blow his shit breath away. Take air in, no way, not smelling like that. Here comes death. All the money and time to train a doctor they can’t have one day to learn how to pop an ALTOID before getting in the face of a dying person. Heck, you have a woman right there ready to hold them for you. Ha.

If you mad at a couple men/women jokes this blog is going hurt long term. Take a breathe. Smile. See how easy that is. I couldn’t do it the other day. Don’t get upset at stupid words. If you do, you’ll never have a happy day. On to my death.

I had to see my Mom’s face as I going out. No one should ever have to see that. My Mom’s sad/crushed face while smelling shit breath from a doctor telling me to breathe like I somehow forgot in the last 6 seconds. Pretty much the worst way to go. I couldn’t speak anymore. Not sure if I would have said if I could have. Maybe “Goodbye Ma or Someone got a tic tac for dog shit breath doctor here??” It is a toss up. Then I ran out of gas. Completely. I stopped breathing. I had not one more gasp in me. I just stopped.

FknBucky

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14
Jan
23

We Are Not that Busy

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Playoff football. Was supposed to be the Packers playing this evening in a fairytale, but real life is anything but. Happy endings are for Asian massages and Hollywood movies. Part of being an adult is learning that lesson over and over again until you accept that most times things just don’t go your way. I have learned this lesson the hard way, but lucky for me I’m a forever optimist. That doesn’t mean I have I have naive smile on my face 24/7, but it does mean I’m willing to give life another shot to be awesome every single day. It also means manifesting your own awesomeness to combat the forces around you trying to take your happy ending.

I travel a lot covering the Carolinas for my business. I enjoy it and when I’m on the road there is no quit at 5 PM. I mean I could, but that seems silly to me. Most people are gone during the day and get home around 5 PM so I usually make appointments with them in the late evening to do deliveries or evaluations. I am blessed to represent some amazing companies that make high end products making peoples lives easier and more fulfilling. I use some of these products, I love them, and I have the ability to talk with someone for 5 minutes while looking at their environment to tell them exactly what would help them the best. I know because I’ve done it all.

This last week was no different. I did an eval with a wonderful lady for the VA and then dropped a shower chair off with a Veteran and his spouse/caregiver at their home. The wife came out and helped me get the chair out of the back of my van and then we took it inside for some training. Of course Annabel made her presence known, but had to wait in the car for this delivery. The family had three little yappi dogs inside that make a lot of noise. I do the training and with the clock hitting about 7 pm I was ready to get to my hotel room for the night. The spouse follows me outside as it is clear she is lonely and it is nice to have someone to talk with. Her husband of 40 plus years has ALS and it is pretty far along. That disease is horrible. Just horrible.

I’m tired though. Annie got herself out of the van and of course had a frisbee in her mouth. My new friend is throwing the frisbee 5 ft and of course Annabel is happy to get it over and over and over and over…. I’m annoyed. I was thinking this was the 1-2 minute chat that lead to the goodbye, call me if you have questions, and have a nice night talk. The lady apologized for playing with Annie and I said “it’s okay” even though I didn’t mean it. My body language was all leave me alone. I’m watching her throw the frisbee and she had this incredible genuine smile. I stared at it and my life instantly changed. Thank goodness because I was on the wrong path. That smile fixed me even though I didn’t know I was broken. Truth is like many of you, I was very broken.

This lady, fellow human, and complete stranger needed me and Annie that night. Annabel was up to the task, but my dumb butt missed all the signs. The smile snapped me out of it. I thought to myself, “ What is your problem?? Let her play with Annie and have a moment.” My body language instantly changed. I was Bucky again. My smile became genuine as I gave her tips on how to throw it farther and to throw it away from Annie so she has to chase it down. She went from saying “I’m sorry” to “this is the best day I’ve had in a long time.” Think about that. My crabby butt almost stole this great moment from a very kind woman that simply needed a break from the monotonous daily routine she had fallen into. Caring for an ALS patient isn’t easy and I can only imagine how hard it is when that patient is your husband/loved one. At her age trying to lift a man out of bed, into his chair, onto toilets, shower chairs, and everything else takes a toll.

I watched her start laughing and having real fun. Annabel played her role perfectly like usual. I got on board, grabbed a water bottle, and put out a water bowl knowing this is where I am supposed to be for now. Out of everything that happened this last week, I’m most proud of this moment, the one I didn’t want. You don’t have to wear a cape to be a hero to someone. You can change the world in a few minutes by simply being more selfless with your time. You aren’t that busy. You aren’t that important unless you are a brain surgeon and your patient is about to die. If that is the case you should probably get going.

I share these moments to remind myself and hopefully get you to think differently when you’re out there in the world. Small moments can create big happiness. What more can you ask for?? Allowing a lonely person to play frisbee with Annie took no real effort on my part, but it did have an large impact on this woman’s life. That is a win.

Love Who You Are Today, Tomorrow Is Not Guaranteed.

I love you all and appreciate everyone that reads this. Your text messages, comments, and the rest mean so much to me. I put all of who I am in these blogs so it is nice to hear when people appreciate the messages, enjoy reading them, and then let me know. The best way to support is share the blogs, subscribe to have them emailed to you directly, and most importantly think about how you can make one moment a day better. Just one. Then watch your world begin to change.

FknBucky

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