Posts Tagged ‘attitude

10
Jan
25

Backwards Day

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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Welcome back!! Those are the words I heard when I woke up in the ICU last May. Crazy to think about how far I’ve come since that day just a few months ago. I was convinced I was going to die, that is what happened, but once again I defied the odds and did not. Staring death in the face used to be a huge deal, but somehow for me it feels more like meatloaf Wednesday. Ha. I use humor to deflect if you haven’t noticed by now.

None of us know what tomorrow will bring. It might be crazy, might be mundane, might be memorable, or it might just be another day that gets lost in the sands of time. I sports bet and have the app on my phone that allows me to bet on cricket games in Ghana. I don’t do that, but I can if I wanted to. I do however bet on NFL games and which player might score a touchdown, what team may win, or a QB that will throw for over 300 yards. I win some, I lose some, but I only bet what I might have spent on a night out when I used to drink. My point is I never actually know what is going to happen until the game is played. No one does.

The future is unscripted. Just waking up each day is a blessing and I choose to look at it that way. We don’t know what is going to happen to us each day, but there is something we can control. There is something we can plan, something we can foresee, something we can predict 100% of the time. To a gambler a prediction that never fails is a prayer answered, a dream come true, a Big Bang Theory blessing that once proven would be worth a fortune!! Now in this blog I’m about to give it to you for free. How can that be Bucky?? I’ll tell you why. It is because I love you.

What is this magic you speak of?? What can I control?? Hold on tight and take a deep breath. Your attitude. BOOM. No matter what happens in your life, you have the ability to control how you react to it, how you accept it, and how you treat others around you during it. Much easier said than done. I’m more guilty than anyone of letting my circumstances and environment control my emotions instead of me taking the reins when needed. I’m not proud of that, but I understand it which allows me to change it. You can’t improve yourself unless you admit you have some flaws. Acknowledging your imperfections isn’t a weakness and should never be looked at as such.

Being aware of your attitude is POWER. Who doesn’t want power?? Try not getting angry today. Try reacting to a situation in the complete opposite way your initial emotions tell you to. Someone takes your parking spot, tell them it is okay, they must be in a huge hurry and very important. See the shame in their face as they realize how selfish they are. Your kid makes a huge mess, don’t yell at them, understand they are probably bored and spend time doing a craft with them. Look I’m all for beating kids any chance you get, but tomorrow they will piss you off again and you can scream at them double loud. For today react backwards and see how your family, your colleagues, and the world reacts to you. You just might be surprised.

FknBucky

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P.S. As always if you appreciate this message please share with others. Also I would love to hear in the comments the experiences you have reacting backwards to situations in your life.

04
Feb
22

Do you feel Special? Well do Ya Punk???

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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I make a killer chicken tortilla soup. During COVID I decided to learn how to cook different things I like from scratch. This includes Apple pie, blueberry cheesecake, beef stroganoff, and some others. I made a quadruple batch of soup on Saturday so I could take it to the rehab hospital I volunteer with. Wanting to take on an extra challenge I made cornbread to go with it from scratch. Everything that goes into the soup is fresh. This batch of soup was phenomenal. I tweaked a bit here and there to see how it worked out and I was very pleased with it.

What is your point Bucky?? Getting there. When I bring the soup in, I make sure there is sour cream, shredded cheese, extra butter, and honey for the cornbread. The fixins are important and I don’t believe in doing things half-assed. Now the rehab hospital is in the process of building a new building next door. A large construction project that will take a couple of years to complete. While at the hospital I sometimes take Annie out and run her up and down the street. Well she runs on the grass and I roll on the pavement. When I’m out there I talk to everyone I come across, it is who I am. The gate “guard” for the construction site is a man named James. He is a cool guy so I say hi to him every time I drive or roll by.

I decided to take him some soup. I had an extra tupperware, I took a large piece of cornbread, put some sour cream in a cup, and some shredded cheese in a bag. All of this was put into a paper grocery bag. While at the hospital I went to visit a few new injuries to talk. My heart breaks for everyone of these people. I know how hard those early days are and there is no sugar coating it. Next time you feel life is not treating you right, stop, take a deep breath, and thank God, stars, Moon, Big Bang Theory, or any idol you worship that you are not laying in a hospital paralyzed, with cancer, or some other horrible thing. Stay thankful for the blessings you do have. Trust me you have a lot of them if you just paid attention. Not the topic today so back to James.

I have a life philosophy of make the people in my life feel special. Everyone yearns to feel wanted, feel appreciated, and just be noticed in the crazy world. It is easy to do, compliment someones shoes, hat, artwork, or whatever. Next tier up is do random kind things like make soup for people. Put a nice photo in a frame and send it out to someone you care about. Send a card not on a holiday, but on “I love and appreciate” you day. That is every day in case you are an idiot. Try to set a goal of just make one person a day feel special or happy. Your life will change if you think of others and not yourself all the time. Think about how people will react to you if you make everyone in your life feel good about themselves!! Yeah, it is kind of selfish to be kind. You have to do this with no strings attached. In your mind if you start counting points or have the “I did this for you so you have to do this back” attitude then just forget it. You suck. Concentrate on that. For real back to James now….. I drove up and gave James the soup with cornbread and fixins. He thanked me, but cars were coming and we kept it short.

Happens the very next day I’m back to the rehab. I promised a grad student I would be the bed bound person doing yoga for a video he is making. It went well, but I did make funny faces when he wasn’t looking. ha. I pulled up to the gate and James came running out. He loved the soup. Now it gets awesome. He took it home to share with his wife. My understanding they have had some very hard times as of recent with some people in their life taking advantage of them. Every time this happens we make that outer shell of ours a little harder to break down. Sad actually, but it happens. James told me his wife broke down to tears when she realized some random guy cared enough to share his soup, cared enough to put the little things in the bag as well, and did it all for the sole purpose of making a fellow human feel special. No thanks, no gratitude, nothing is needed except a ”That soup was awesome” comment the next time I see you.

It took a few minutes of my time to put that bag together for James. To be honest I didn’t remember his name until I gave him the soup and asked what his name was again. I had no clue what he was going thru or what is wife was going thru. Honestly I don’t care and it isn’t my business. What I do care about is my fellow humans. I want to make people feel special every chance I get. I have that ability. WE ALL DO. When is the last time you simply did something for a random person to make them feel like the most important person in the world??? Imagine a world that everyone thought this way instead of how much I can get for me…

As always I don’t want or need praise for doing these things. I do them because I can. Being kind is addictive. Anyone can tell you to be a nice person, but words are crap, show me how to be a nice person, show me how to make others feel special, and then challenge me to do more. I hope everyone who reads this will out do me. Be more kind. Make way more people feel special and then those folks can go make others feel special. That is the world I want to live in.

FknBucky

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Still have shirts available so hit me up!! Sign up to follow my blog and receive them via email when I post new ones. In my heart I know we can change the world, but you have to help. Share this blog, make comments below, and be the person that makes everyone feel like they belong.

03
Dec
21

Tragedy and Smiles

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I want to share a story with you today. A very important one that I hope will open your eyes, your heart, and help motivate you to count your blessings instead of constantly wishing for more. There is a club that no one wants to join. There is no name for it, it has no leader, and it is guaranteed that all members wish they could unjoin. It is a club of tragedy. Accidents that change the body is the cost of membership. I became a member April 1st, 2002 and have been dealing with it every single day since. This isn’t my story though.

I volunteer because I am able to help and I know that. I offer my everything to the people I talk with at the rehab hospital. I will answer any questions no matter how personal, help with any equipment they may need or want to know about, and I’m happy to talk with family members that want to learn/understand how to best help the loved one that is going thru this physical nightmare. I’ve probably talked with at least few hundred confused/scared people over the years and I’m very proud of that.

Travis and Staci Hoyle gave me permission to use their real names in this blog. Travis was injured a couple months ago and is currently using a wheelchair. I want to express one thing here very strongly. It isn’t your business how it happened. Don’t ask. Ever. It is not okay. Don’t say I’m one of those people that just blurt it out. Travis will tell you if he wants to. Instead do something easy. Talk to him like you would without the chair. He is the same person today as he was 6 months ago. Bust his balls, call him ugly, give him a hard time about driving a Nissan, or whatever else you normally do.

The Hoyle’s have a tough road ahead. It isn’t impossible, but it is hard and they will need that 4 wheel drive of his F150, (it is actually a 2004 Nissan 4×4 Supercharged) to get thru it. “Travis made sure I corrected that.” I have no doubts that they will. This is a strong family from what I have seen. Leave your pity at home. Nobody needs that crap. Bring your happiness, smiles, never give up attitude, and instead of asking for details on what happened say ”I know you got this and I’m here if you need anything.”

I see strength, fear, and determination in Staci and Travis’s eyes. It is okay to have fear because everything is new and we fear what we don’t know. The strength they have has nothing to do with lifting weights. True strength is in a persons mind, it is strong to accept reality, it is strong to smile first thing in the morning and say I can do this, it is strong to remember you’re not the only one going thru this, and most importantly it is strong to acknowledge other people are hurting as well. Pity parties are stupid and worthless so have a strength party. Challenge everyone around you to use the strength God gave them to overcome this obstacle. Once again I will say I have no doubt they will overcome this, but friends and family have a HUGE role to play to make that happen.

Unfortunately bad things happen to great people all the time. It is unfair and makes me want to scream at nothing sometimes. 20 years of membership and yes sometimes I still have moments of extreme weakness and anger. The key is to not live there. Accept the emotions, work thru them naturally, and get back to living your best life. Avoid the ”what if” hole because it simply leads to depression, anger, and regrets. What if I didn’t go, what if I didn’t stop for coffee, what if I didn’t date her, what if what if, and more what if. That is pointless because no matter how much you torture yourself it will not ever change the outcome.

You don’t have to be Travis and Staci to use the advice above. Everyone has hardships in life, hardship plays no favorites, and facing it head on is the right course of action. There is a benefit for Travis on Sunday. I’m told the 300 available tickets sold out very quickly. Money is always welcome and helpful, but kind words and genuine caring is fuel for the fighting spirit alive inside of Travis and Staci. This is not an easy road, but once again it is not impossible. The only thing different is Travis got a lot shorter and won’t be running up any stairs for a while.

Remember as this battle goes on that smiles and laughter are okay. In fact they are a must. Focus on the things that make you smile. Watching your kids succeed at anything. Holding your partner in front of a fireplace on a rainy night. Laughing with your friends while telling old stories. One of my best friends growing up and I would always yell when Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica came on. It is a random thing, but after my accident while having a tough moment in life that song come over the radio. I was instantly transported back in time and smiled gratefully that I was still alive to enjoy that memory. It is okay to be happy while dealing with tragedy. To this day every time I hear this song, I’m instantly 19 years old again, yelling at the radio with my friends while drinking a Busch Light.

It is easy to find reasons to be unhappy, mean, and ungrateful. True strength is when you put all those aside and find one reason to smile. You only need one. Kids, wife, family, friends, pets, food in your stomach, warm place to sleep, and so on. You can choose to be happy in horrible situations. In life when we are forced into situations beyond our control it is important to concentrate on the one thing we always have control of. Your Attitude. It is easy to smile at the end of the trip, but more important to keep that smile and positive attitude going during the journey no matter how long it may be.

I hope everyone who reads this will share it. You never know who needs to hear the message above. If you can donate money please do and then share this message. If you can’t send money I only ask you share this message so others will see it and be able to help.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/257mk-help-travis-hoylespinal-cord-injury?member=14697887&utm_campaign=contacts-v2-invite-to-donate&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=twilio

Count your blessings. Be grateful for the people in your life. Truly grateful for them.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

We still need Justice for Ryan Cooper. Please come forward if you have any information. As Russell Crowe said in the Gladiator “We will have our vengeance, in this lifetime or the next.”

10
Mar
21

Give it to Chris and forget it.

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I haven’t posted in a couple days simply because I haven’t felt right about the things I was letting out. I kept getting sucked back into that dumb Royal crap although I did and will not watch the interview. It is everywhere though. Put it this way. If you can’t find a reason to be happy in Meghan shoes then you have completely failed at life. Completely. So Fuck her and her bullshit. That is how I really feel on that matter.

This used to be a paragraph complaining about politicians. I didn’t like it so I’ve come back to erase it. To summarize it I will say this. I am never donating one penny to any of them. Ever. Please read 2nd to last sentence in first paragraph. That is what I got to say.

Okay now that I have the BS out of the way lets talk being happy. Completely random today, but I came across a video on YouTube that I had to watch. It made me laugh immediately which was what I needed. It is now 5:16 AM, but I have been up since 3:30. I made myself a promise when I decided to do this blog thing for real this year that I would be honest with those that read it even though I don’t want to sometimes. I had an issue with my bowels which forced me awake at 3:30 to which I have spent the last 2 hours cleaning myself and my apartment from this issue. Sucks, but it happens sometimes and it is something a paraplegic has to deal with. Still think your alarm clock is a jerk. I can’t go back to sleep because I have a meeting with a Veteran at 9 AM today. I also promised to bring homemade cinnamon rolls that I prepared for baking last night. A good part of me wants to crawl back into bed and wait for tomorrow. That would be a waste though. I might be dead tomorrow and spending my last day on Earth feeling sorry for myself over something I can’t control seems like a stupid plan.

So I don’t. I let go of the anger and poor me BS so that I can get back to living. The video. So it was of Chris Farley going onto Letterman. Wow. The guy was such a wonderful entertainer. You can just see thru him and realize 90% of his big ass was heart. He had his own demons, but the selfless way he made others smile and laugh using his own body as the punch line. It hurts to be “big” and people judge you even when they say they’re not. The world lost something special the day he passed on. A rare treasure that can’t be reinvented. Many people have tried and continue to try and fill the ginormous shoes left behind by a legend. I have done stand up and it is terrifying. To be so willing to make the world happier by putting on a tiny coat, by living in a van down by the river, and most importantly going head to head with Patrick Swayze in a chippendale competition only to make strangers laugh is so so special. And it worked. Still working.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-nOY_d-vJU

Take a few minutes for yourself today an watch this video. You’re not too busy to watch it, you’re not that angry at anything and what is the worst that can happen?? You smile for a few minutes instead of writing out another FB post complaining about blah blah or even blah blah blah. Hey I got plenty to be upset about this AM, but why. Why would I allow the negative side of things run my life and most importantly my attitude about life?? Bad things happen sometimes that we can’t stop or control. You can control your attitude and the way you respond to everything. I promise you I will always pick how I respond to the events in my life. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday or having been doing the last 30 or 40 years. Starting today right now you can decide to just let the BS go, watch a few minutes of a legend making us laugh, and have a great day. Remember everyone has a reason to be ticked off, but the true tough guy/gals look for a reason to be happy. You always get back what you’re putting out so if you want smiles you had better find a way to get one on your face.

I want to be very clear on one issue though. I don’t want or need any sympathy. I struggle internally whether to share some of these intimate hard details of my life and the complications that come with my disability. I hate the word disabled for the record. A lot. I mentioned earlier that I was going to be honest and soiling myself is something that happened. I dealt with it and moved on. I know I harp on this let things go and that is for a reason. It works. I truly hope that my openness will help at least one person say “I’m done too. I’m not dragging the BS I can’t control around with me anymore.”

Here is what I concentrate on. I made it to my meeting, the cinnamon rolls turned out amazing and people liked them very much. Everyone is on a diet, but the people brave enough to try a 6,000 calorie roll were very happy. I sold some products today making some money, I have a gorgeous awesome dog I’m about to take for a very long walk, and I’m alive.

My problems aren’t bigger than yours or more important. They are mine and I choose to deal with them by not letting it screw my life/day up. So whatever it is let it go. Right now. Never look back at it.

I appreciate you all and please be kind to one another. You never know how problematic someone’s life is. Oh and when in doubt or down please go watch a Chris Farley video.

FknBucky

13
Feb
21

Be Kind

By Bucktown 5 Comments
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I want to write today, but I’m having trouble finding a good topic to rant or go on about. There is one thing that I have had on my mind for a while now and I think I’ll ask your help on this. I talk often about doing random acts of kindness. Just pick up a funny card and mail it to a friend for the hell of it. I do this and actually sent out 4 cards yesterday that I found on Etsy. Cost me $14 for the cards, used 4 stamps (and gave one away – you’re welcome Moonbeam!), and a few moments of my precious time to write something funny in the cards. Oh yeah I did put $40 in one of the cards and told the person receiving the card to please spend that money on something irresponsible and stupid. I do believe she reads my blogs so it might be you if you have a vagina. A real one and not the make believe kind that allows you to dominate women’s sports. I don’t participate or watch women’s sports so I don’t care to be honest. I do think it sucks for young ladies that put in the work, time, blood, sweat, tears, and all to get 2nd place because a one time man decided the competition was easier on the other side. Spare me your “hater” comments. I don’t care.

Okay back to the project I need help with. I want to start a page or group called Random Acts of Kindness where people can post what they did that day to a perfect stranger. If you just laughed at that sentence because your sense of humor is gutter, then that is why we are friends. I’m not looking for a place to brag unless you’re the type that needs that type of recognition. My reasoning is that hopefully people will want to post something so they actually do it. Over and over again. Maybe if someone shares what they did it will inspire others and give them ideas. Everyone keeps talking about healing the country and bringing people together, but if you are dumb enough to think the jerks in DC are going to do that you are going to be disappointed. A LOT. It is up to us to fix the divide in this country. Turn the 24 hours news channel off (forever) and go outside to hug a Trump supporter or a Biden supporter. It is that easy. In fact it is EXACTLY that easy.

The anger, disrespect, and over all nastiness regular people have some how become capable of is pretty disgusting. I am talking to you. I’m talking to all of us. It needs to stop and needs to stop tonight, right now, and never be turned back on. I don’t wanna hear Trump said this or that, I don’t wanna hear Biden did this and that, or any of the other BS excuses people are making to legitimize their horrible behavior and attitudes towards fellow humans. You are guilty of it. The comments of “If you think X, you can delete me as your friend right now.” That is a cop out, a crap way to handle any situation, and if YOU are so morally superior to the rest of us wouldn’t it make sense to go hug that person. Embrace them as a human and say we disagree, but I love you and want the world to be a better place so I’m going to be your friend and lead by example. I’m going to SHOW you why I’m right about this everyday of my life. Holy shit you mean what Bucky?? I have to actually be a bigger person, show the world how to be better, and stop TELLING everyone how much better I am than they are on the Facebook. You ask to much Bucky.

Baby steps I get it. So I would like to start with one random act of kindness. Just do one thing a day to make someone smile. Mail a card, tell a stranger their hair looks nice, make an extra sandwich to give the guy at the stop light on your way to work, or think of some other awesome thing that will make others say I can do that. Here is the deal. Sitting around waiting for the worthless pricks in government to suddenly pass a law that says everyone be nice is the dumbest idea ever. It is not difficult to understand or to do. Just be kind to everyone regardless of politics, race, gender, or any of the other stupid shit you allow to influence how you interact with others. You want someone to respect you and look up to you then treat that person with respect. Show them a better way. STOP telling people in a FB post that they are less of a human because they disagree with you. Seriously who the fuck are you??? I don’t remember electing any of my friends to judge me or others on a daily basis.

So now that I’ve got that off my chest how do I accomplish this??? I want to start a place (FB group or Page) that encourages everyone to simply be kind to everyone else regardless of anything past. Wake up tomorrow and look at EVERY single person on the planet like they have a brand new everything. A clean slate if you will. Wow, I bet we could make a difference in a short amount of time.

Do acts of kindness and expect nothing in return.

FknBucky

01
Apr
12

The Day. 19 Years today

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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My physical scar is much smaller than the emotional ones I carry with me.
The only difference is now I sit down to smile.

I wrote this blog 9 years ago.  It is just as relevant today as it was then.  I’ve been paralyzed now for 19 years.  It is hard, life is hard, and for one stupid decision I have a lifetime sentence.  There is no parole, just more days guaranteed to be filled with pain, filled with depression, and filled with regrets.  I make a conscious decision every day to not allow myself to go down this pain, depression, and regret highway.  I don’t always succeed in stopping myself from spending time on this very lonely road which is never healthy, but it is always there begging me to come take the drive.  It will let me go as fast as I want, no morons camping out in the left passing lane, and a plethora of other whiners waiting for me to start the ”Poor Me” conversation.

I could have easily died that day.  Kind of a miracle I didn’t.  Many of you wouldn’t have gotten to know me.  So please read below.  Take a moment to put yourself in my shoes.  Please share it if you think others might benefit from reading this message.

April 1st 2002.  I was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident at 1:32 PM riding home from snowboarding at Copper Mountain.  I should not have been on a motorcycle that day, but I did it anyway.  My inner voice that I usually listen to was drowned out by my ego and irresponsibility.  I accept the outcomes of the choices I make because I’m an adult, a man, and a person that believes it is the only option.  Those that spend their days finding ways to blame others for their problems are only wasting time.

I was in the median of the freeway and I saw the oncoming traffic and thought to myself “this is how I am going to die.”  I accepted it and was strangely not afraid.  I have never really had a fear of being dead, but I don’t want to die early, I just accept what happens.  Then I was in the air.  Flying & flipping head over heels.  I was told later by a witness I did three full flips, but obviously I didn’t stick the landing.  My head hit first and I broke the helmet that was saving my life.  I believe the helmet pushed into my spine and smashed it.

I was awake the entire time and remember every detail.  It was the hardest moment of my life to date.  I knew I was paralyzed and I was scared.  My feet and legs were point up, but my chest & head were twisted around.  I had to take my arm and push against the ground to make my body look “normal” again.  That was scary as well.  A man from Africa got to me first.  He didn’t speak English, but just looked at me.  He tried to take my helmet off, but I told him not to with hand gestures.  A woman ran up to me and held my hand, while her husband parked the car.  While he was running over to me I could hear him say “Is he breathing.”

Then another woman showed up and held my other hand and proceeded to tell me that “she loved me”.  This is when I started to think I was dying.  That is what you say to people that are dying, and it started to freak me out.  The first woman saw this and told her to stop, but the 2nd woman argued back that I needed to hear it.  I was laying in the median of a freeway freshly paralyzed and still had women fighting over me.  It is the cross I bear…

An ambulance came and took me to a hospital.  What happened in that hospital was the scariest, hardest, and worst hour I can think of.  The questions and answers are something I wish I could forget.  You don’t need to know those details.  I was then taken by a helicopter to Denver where I was in critical condition for a few days. I told the lady on the helicopter to give me some serious drugs because I didn’t want to be there right then.  I said “I’ll deal with the rest of this tomorrow.”  She did.

Every time someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, this is what runs through my mind.  Still think it isn’t rude to ask somebody that question.  I get asked by complete strangers multiple times in a day sometimes.  Make sure your kids know better.  It was ten years ago and my life has changed substantially.  My views of the world, the government, and the way I represent myself.  Being in the hospital was like attending my own funeral.  People came from everywhere just to stand in that room to say nothing while saying everything.  They came to stand there and say “I care about you Bucky”.  This saved my life and ensured I would do everything I could to stay ME.

Doctors and nurses tried to trick me into taking antidepressants daily.  I would get a little cup full of pills, but I would ask everyday what each one is.  They would tell me not to worry about it, those were all good for me.  I refused to take any until I knew what they were.  After a week my sister told them to knock it off because I was getting pissed.  I was supposed to be depressed, I had just been fucking paralyzed.  It is natural.  Somehow I still found time to smile in that hospital bed, and even tell jokes to ease the tension of everyone.

Life is a journey and sometimes it is fucking really hard.  I don’t know what problems you have and personally I don’t care.  I will care if you ask me too, but way I see it, until you do it isn’t my business.  What I do know is that we all have problems no matter what race, religion, tax bracket, gender, age, or whatever other category you want to use to separate people.  That is what we all are, just one plain label.  People.

I’m not sure how I want to close this one.  I’ll just leave you with this.  I have overcome this and I’m a productive member of society.  The man I have become is because I faced my problems and solved them on my own. Those challenges took a cocaine abusing, drunken, womanizing, snowboarder into a drunken womanizing guy in a wheelchair.  I am proud of the man I am today, and who knows what I would be doing if it weren’t for those hardships.

As a community, country, and world we need to teach people that facing and solving your problems will make you a better person.  It will make you a stronger person and teach you things that you never even knew existed.

Be kind to others.  Don’t worry about the car that cut you off, the rude comments made online, or the outrage the 24/7 news channel is telling you to have.  Just be kind to everyone.  Not just the people that think like you do.

Fknbucky

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