Well….. I extended my vacation by another day. Apparently they want you to crop dust the halls after stealing a kidney, but call it passing gas to sound professional until….. I said “farting” a bunch. The doctor finally loosened up her stature, but not my bowels. TMI… I know, but I promised honesty on this blog so suck it up buttercups. By the way speaking of honesty it turns out I’m not gay. That t-shirt is a liar. My friend Nuisance (see what I did there….) told me to be sweet to the nurses, but have you ever heard of a 24 hour restraining order??? Me either. Who knew asking her if she wanted to stick around and snort some of my meds with me was such a big deal…….. A couple lines of stool softener makes for one heck of a story later.
The TV is crap. The channels are 74-1, 74-2, 74-3, and on and on. I don’t know what that means. I have watched two westerns about a guy killing other guys over a woman. Both of them, but different guys dying from another guy killing them. I think the woman might be my stuck up crazy nurse. She would drive anyone to do some killing. She happens to be one that watched on as the others killed me on my last stay here. No joke there. She is sticking with the panic/anxiety story saying “Well you have anxiety when you’re dying.”
I can’t think of a truer statement. Just remember if you check out from not being able to breathe with 93% of your lung filled with fluid, it is the panic that did it. Can’t believe I was so stupid to think otherwise.
My kidney drain.
Might be yet another day. Got an issue with the kidney drain, and I’m not kidneying around.
Thank for all the prayers. Keep them coming and please share the blogs. Some of your friends might not be on my friends list and should hear my life lessons in the blogs. Be kind to others, stop holding petty grudges, and if someone makes you mad – hit them in the face.
More truth for you. I have been in the hospital since April 30thish, 2024…… I went down for the big count. Around May 5th I ran out of air. I was no longer able to breathe. I was told for days by hospital staff that I was simply having a panic attacks. I do a lot of things. I curse to much. I call stupid lazy people stupid and lazy to their face. I love my family/friends. I make very inappropriate jokes/comments. I laugh at racist jokes. Mostly after I say them.
What I don’t do is panic. Ever.
I’ve had a bad kidney for over 6 years. I’ve had some other health issues for a lot longer. I’ve been trying to get these problems identified and handled and have tried for a very long time. Why don’t I tell you??? Cause you got your own BS to handle. I mean that in a positive light. I never planned for this to blow up so big and become such a hard thing to deal with. I had no strength, energy, and it sucked. I had no phone calls, emails, and couldn’t take of Annie. Some of the hardest and darkest days off my life. No doubt.
Slight side note, but relevant:
I am comfortable with violence. I think a punch in the mouth is needed sometimes. Given and received depending on what time you started day drinking. Day drinking with a side of violence. I love Wisconsin so much…. And IA, and NY, and AL, GA, NC, SC, KY, NJ, and a former CO resident named Nate from NJ, Dave Dean, and many others . When I fell out/died at the hospital for almost 3 days last week they forgot to move my left arm. Now it is numb and don’t work. Being a quad is HARD. I have so much more respect for those who face that challenge everyday.
It is Slllllloooooooowwwwly coming back. I feel like I should be able to punch the person responsible in their face without jail time. My left arm/hand is dominant although I am ambidextrous, but both arms are equal when attempting to push a wheelchair in a straight line. My logic is I should get to dot Billy’s “move the arm guy” eye so he sees fuzzy out his left eye while I’m stuck rolling in circles….. What if Billy is a girl Bucky??? Duh. I do the right thing and use gender neutral violence obviously throwing the headbutt. I’m not stupid. I am funny however and you love my genuine ass.
Now that I can use a phone again I have a lot of blogs to write. You will enjoy them. I’m sorry many of you had no idea how sick I was. I couldn’t type and it happened fast. PLEASE follow this blog and the podcast. Future info will come thru here and the podcast. I have a large family and SSOOO many amazing friends from all over the world. You are the reason I never stop fighting for my life or my right to say messed up things to make people laugh. This experience will be shared fully and I’m hoping to write blogs daily, but I also have a ton of therapy and life to catch up on.
I love you all. Truly. My family. My friends. My colleague’s who are both. Without you all there is no Allen, no nBucky, no FknBucky, no fight, no stories, and I owe all of you my life. Thank you.
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Just boarded another airplane for another flight home. I’ve done this dozens actually hundreds of times before, but today is different. I’m flying home to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends. I’m so thankful for the time I was able to spend with her and will remember all the wonderful conversations we had over the last 20 years. For those of you that know me personally you know I have friends all over the world and I’ve been blessed to have so many of them. This friend was all alone in her category simply because of her name. Grandma.
I have always been close to my Dads father. I was named after him and that was a small club to be in. I probably don’t deserve his name as he was one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. When he was 80 yrs old I watched him carry a large metal tub filled with corn down to the hog barn to feed the chickens. Ha. Just kidding. There are pigs in the hog barn you fools!! When I would visit my Grandparents, Grandpa and I would sit at the table having tea and thoseamazing chocolate chip cookies only Grandma could make, while G-ma waited on us. Naturally most of the conversation was between us men. It was just the way it was. I mean we all know the golden rule. Women have to be quiet while the men are talking.
My Grandpa passed away 17 years ago and while back visiting Grandma she mentioned she is awake until 2-3 am most nights. I started volunteering at the children’s hospital in San Diego around this time. Every Tuesday night I would open and run a playroom for the kids to get out of their rooms and have some fun. My drive home was 30-40m min and almost always after 9 PM. I like to talk to people when I’m driving, but 9 PM is a little late to call friends to just say “hey”. One night I thought Grandma is awake, I’ll call her. I called, she was up, and we had a great talk. As time went on, week after week, I would continue to call G-ma on my drive home. She looked forward to it and so did I. Something happened during those calls. My Grandma became my friend.
She told me so many stories. How she first knew my Grandfather was the man she would marry. He was at her place to help do some sort of work and as he left the house with the others, my grandma handed him a pair of gloves and their hands touched. Not a quick touch, but long enough to gaze into each others eyes and decide I’m going to marry this person. Simpler times. A hand lingering just long enough to relay the message, but not too long to be creepy.
She told me about her wedding day. They were going to “honeymoon” in Waterloo planning to eat a fine dinner and then going to see a movie. For reasons not discussed the young married couple were running late and had to smash a couple burgers quickly so they could still make the movie on time. The best part was the happiness in her voice as she relived these memories with me. I felt and still feel honored she shared these stories with me. I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to know her so well.
Grandma had so many pictures and was a rock within the family. Doing all she could to keep the family together having family reunions and always encouraging everyone to let go of the anger, be open to kindness, and forgive when necessary. It seems fitting that our whole family will be brought together one more time by Anna Pearl. I can envision her and Grandpa (together again!) looking down at us all with smiles knowing they did their best for their family and I’m not alone when I say THANK YOU to both of them.
Just part of Grandmas super army. Love you forever Grandma.
I will say this. MAKE the time to talk with people you love. None of us are that busy we can’t put forth the effort. Well so and so never calls me, why should I reach out to them??? Why shouldn’t you?? Whatever happened let it go. It isn’t worth dragging that anger anchor around with you. Don’t you want to be free of this pissed off attitude that sucks up all your energy so you can stay mad???
I loved my Grandmother without question. She was a remarkable woman. All that came natural. I’m happiest though knowing I took the time to make my amazing G-ma my best friend while I had the opportunity. She taught me so many lessons that I will use the rest of my life. Many times people will say I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. I have learned very hard lessons that way, but this one time I got ahead of the game. I made sure to appreciate my friend everyday.
The world lost a bright shining light of a human, but heaven gained an angel that will forever be looking down at our families.
That is what I wrote on the flight out. I’m currently on the flight back to Charlotte. At the visitation I went by, but purposely didn’t look into the casket directly. I used a bit of side eye, then closed my eyes, and said a private prayer between Anna Pearl and myself. I didn’t want the vision of her in my head overwhelming all the happy mental pics I’ve taken of her during my life.
My family is far from perfect. My Grandma wasn’t perfect. I am so far from Perphekt that I have to spell it wrong. I might name one of my kids that actually…. Truth is like all families there is some drama and blah blah. I don’t involve myself in that. Some people need conflict and thrive on it. I’m not one of those. I prefer if something has your panties all wadded up, say something, get it off your chest, and then move on.
The celebration of life was awesome. Many of my family members made the trip home and we got to visit, laugh, and enjoy the moment. Anna Pearl got us all together one last time.
We are all going to miss her, but I’ve promised myself to replay the great times in my head and share the advice, family history, and the wisdom my dear friend Grandma passed to me.
I love you Grandma and Grandpa. So happy you are together again. I promise to do my best to encourage everyone to drop the anchors and be happy again. At this stage of the game no body is changing. Just accept your family members for who they are and simply love them unconditionally.
Thank you,
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
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The world. Crazy place. I simply love it. All of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the wrong, the good, the right, the people, the differences in all of us, and truth be told I want to experience ALL of it. I always have. I thrive in chaos. Many people do not. I’ve learned this about myself simply because I’ve been brave enough to be myself most of my adult life. I don’t make apologies for being who I am. Instead I think about my actions and words before I do or say them to make sure I’m not hurting someone. I don’t care about offending people, but I have no desire to hurt them.
I have my own views and opinions, but I’ve tried to not make this blog political. I don’t pretend to know what you have gone thru in life and how you come to the place you are now. Left, Right, Center, or whatever is your business. I respect that and only ask you respect where I am. We’ve lost a lot of respect in that last 10 years. Maybe the internet. Maybe Trump. Maybe not. I will not blame one person for the actions of millions. That is simply put, stupid. I think Tyson is right when he says the world changed when we can’t punch people in the face for being a prick. Now they film it and put on YouTube.com for content.
I’m visiting family in Iowa for Christmas. We did Christmas late this year and it has been very good. Nothing like being around family and people that love you unconditionally to recharge the batteries before taking on the new year. I encourage everyone that has “beef” in their family to find a way to settle it and move on. Life is too short to hold onto anger. For any reason. Hug it out and move on. It is that simple.
Yesterday I went to see Vivek Kiaswamaineiayashydeyalkda. He is running for President as a republican. No one had heard of this guy 6 months ago. Now his big forehead and amazingly beautiful wife are taking Iowa by storm. His schedule is insane. I respect how hard he is working to earn the trust of voters here. If you have not met him or gone to see him speak DO NOT speak negatively about him. You can dislike his ideas, but to question his character and love for America is truly unfair. I mean that about his bride. She is a smoke show and crazy smart as well. I was able to ask the first question yesterday, but before I did that I said “I believe everyone here can agree that you married WAY up!!” The room laughed and everyone felt a bit more eased. Never underestimate the power of laughter.
This man is genuine. To the core. No one contacted me before I showed up. It was a very small venue with probably 30 ish people there. I say this because he talked about who he is and what he thinks should be done to help this country become stronger. I was able to ask a question. No one coached me or anyone else. Vivek stood there with no prep and answered in a very honest direct way. I say this to you, go see for yourself. Please go see for yourself. He has big ideas, and truthfully I’d love to see him get a chance. If we want to just continue to do things simply because that is how it has always been done then why have elections at all?? You don’t lose weight by making ZERO changes to your life. Darn it Bucky!! I want to lose weight so bad, but I can’t exercise because I’m lazy. Change my diet??? No chance. Birthday cake isn’t going to eat itself so I make sure to have 7 pieces on everyone’s birthday.
Okay. I wrote the above yesterday. I went to see him again today in Toledo, Iowa. He was late. Turns out he had a campaign stop one mile from the school shooting that happened in Perry, IA this AM. Eff’ng cowards are what these people are. No more no less. They are weak, stupid, crap bag, coward humans that we should forget existed. Don’t say their name and let them burn in hell where they belong. They don’t shoot up the local courthouse. The police station. The NRA meeting. An IRS building. Nope because those places have experienced people with weapons. Why in the heck do our schools not have experienced competent people with guns ready and willing to protect our most prized possessions?? I’m going to write more about this tomorrow.
This photo of Jessica is a reminder to never Google search BLOATED CORPSE.Bad Bad idea.
Our government is a bloated corpse. It is slow, stupid, and full of needless crap. It is crazy. We just allow it to happen like mindless zombies. We blame the Republicans or the Democrats, but you my friend are the one to blame. I am to blame. Our parents are at fault. We let this happen and still let it happen. Take the patient on Dr Pimple Popper. They come in with a massive growth on their head. We see it and think WTF, why didn’t you do something??? They say “oh I just didn’t have time.” You didn’t have time to cut the ginormous growth growing out of your ear off?? What the heck else did you have to do??? Seems like that should have been a priority. That is us. We are too stupid, lazy, and scared to cut the useless growth off of our ear. Don’t point the finger at politicians that did things YOU let them do!!!
This government is an outdated laptop. When your computer/phone starts acting crazy you shut it down and restart. Simple. Well we don’t do that with our laptop government. We simply buy a new outside case that looks shiny. All fixed. The important parts still run slow, stupid, and no chance of changing. Oh well. Let’s just put a D on the new case and blame the R’s! 8 years later. Put that shiny new R case on.
I encourage you all to take the time to actually listen to this man. His message is crazy. So crazy it might just work.
He talks and believes he can unite the country. WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS!! Safe environment for our children. Good roads to drive on. Good jobs to work at. FREEDOM to say what we want. Freedom to fail and freedom to succeed. Police that protect all citizens and chase criminals, not political opponents. This country used to cheer for people with big crazy ideas. Somehow the idea of speaking up is now reason to be canceled. “Don’t you dare talk against anything I say you racist, fascist, misogynistic, gay hater, trans hater, people hater, happy hater, tree hater, grass hater, drug hater, water hater, oil hater, windmill hater, bird hater, meat hater, veggie hater, and all the other haters.”
Stop for one moment. Think to yourself. Have I gotten wrapped up in all this hate?? Why do I hate X?
The answer is you shouldn’t hate anything. It is wasted energy. Stop listening to people that use you. Anyone that tells you to hate something should be cut from your life immediately. They are toxic.
I truly love you all. Treat each other well regardless of your politics. We are more alike than we differ. It is time to start there.
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
I haven’t decided who I will support yet, but I will give my opinion on anyone I want to. I’m very glad I took the time to listen to Vivek in person. I encourage you to do the same.
My kidney drain. 
Just part of Grandmas super army. Love you forever Grandma. 
This photo of Jessica is a reminder to never Google search BLOATED CORPSE. Bad Bad idea. 
FknBucky 