Posts Tagged ‘car

17
Jan
24

The Power of Heated Steering Wheel

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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What is going on here?? I started this blog before the Iowa Caucus so that is why I’m talking about Vivek. Just because he dropped out doesn’t mean I don’t like him anymore. I’m grateful I took the time to listen to him. As genuine a person you will find. 

I try hard to stay out of politics, but I could not resist talking about Vivek. The man intrigues me and truth be told, I like him. My liking him has nothing to do with him getting elected or what your opinion should be of him. I promise not to harp on this particular subject to often, but I want to take you on a written word drive right now. Buckle up!! You just might learn to use that head of yours for more than a Busch Light entry hole.

It is cold. Thanks for pointing out some obvious crap Bucky, you might say. I had an appointment with my go to Asian masseuse this morning so I had to head out around 8 am. I bought a minivan a few years ago so I could drive the wheelchairs and equipment I sell around. I thought about getting a “cooler” car, but truth is I can not pick up girls in a minivan just as good as I can not pick them up in a Porsche Cayenne. I really want one, someday I’ll be able to afford a poster of one to put above my bed or something. My minivan is cool though it has tinted windows, spilled chips, and my personal favorite smells like whatever Annie rolled in yesterday. 

The minivan has a heated steering wheel. I’d never heard of such a thing to be honest and didn’t even realize it was there when I bought the van. One day it was cold and I used the auto start. When I got into the van and started driving I thought “Ooooo, that’s nice…”. There is a point, just hang on. Last I’ve thought about it. It is normal now. I was looking at new vans last night just because and found one I liked with low miles. Looking at the options on it, I noticed there was no heated steering wheel, and that meant it was a no go. That option is simply too good to give up in my tiny human brain.

Now. Let’s look at something else. Power. It is better than drugs. Making people do things because you have power over them. A boss. A parent. A tough guy. A politician. Hmmm interesting now eh.. A boss can be fired. A parent can only rule 18 years. A tough guy, well there is always someone tougher. A politician only needs to manipulate your tiny brain every few years. You see the power they acquire is like my heated steering wheel. They can’t give it up. Seemingly good people corrupt themselves in the name of “helping you”, helping me, helping the guy that can’t help himself. They remind themselves how important and smart they are. You would be lost without them so that justifies hanging onto that power no matter what it takes.

They say “This is good for you, trust me!” Nope. My BS meter goes off anytime someone says this is good for you. How do you know what is good for me? You aren’t me. You’re not my spouse, best friend, or at the very least someone that knows what color Tommy John I got on today. These boxer briefs are like heaven. Worth every penny even though I shoplift mine. As long as you’re under $1,000 they don’t prosecute. Hey don’t blame me. You keep voting these idiots into power. I had to Bucky, the TV told me the other guy was racist and killed gays on the weekend. Just knowing your level of stupid exists makes me feel better about myself.

Every year the power these folks have becomes more and more addicting. For Big Bangs sake why do we have senators that are 90 some years old?? WHY??? 50 years in public service. I have another beef there. Public service my butt. Why you worth 200 million when you started out broke?? Job only pays $150,000 a year. I don’t blame the politicians. I blame you. I blame me. My parents. Your parents. Our neighbors. We allow it to happen over and over and over….. As long as they have a D or an R by their name they are on my side. Here is the truth. You don’t have a side. 

So money and power. Hmmm thank baby Jesus (Just watched Talladaga nights) that money and power have never corrupted good people in the history of mankind. Clearly the 700 folks that have it would never do anything questionable to keep it. They lie to your face. They manipulate facts to push their agenda. They suppress video evidence. They lose emails. They hide behind this and that. They kill Jeff. There is nothing they won’t do to keep the power, the money, and the opportunity for MORE. 

I just wanted a heated steering wheel. My brain went all crazy blaming my steering wheel wishes on corrupt politicians. Now I will get a cold wheel and get rid of power steering to try and save my soul.

Stop following, trusting, and believing in people because “they” tell you to. 

READ the language of actions.

LISTEN to what they don’t say.

WATCH who benefits from what they do.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

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25
Nov
21

45 Seconds

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Justice for Ryan Cooper. No one will forget him and we will search for the person/persons responsible forever. The truth will come out and you will be held accountable.

When I write these blogs I have a thought in my head that I can only get out by putting the words down on paper. I think about things constantly as the world around me changes I analyze everything in real time deciding how I feel about it. This is just the way I’m wired I guess and it isn’t changing at this point. The reason I say that is because yesterday was a roller coaster of emotion on my 8-9 hour drive to Alabama to spend Thanksgiving with my brothers family. I lived here for a good amount of time before I moved to Charlotte so quite of people in this small community know me as the better looking, smarter, definitely more intelligent brother.

I witnessed a semi truck drive over a car in Atlanta. I was on the phone with a business, when 2 lanes over (6 lanes at this point) a car tried to drive under a semi and was driven over. My immediate response was ”Oh My God” and I’m quite certain people lost their lives. It looked really bad, my heart broke for those involved, and I thought of their families getting ready for a fun holiday tomorrow/today with family only to have it become a tragedy. I drive A LOT. More than any of my friends. I’ve driven from Coast to Coast and from Canada to Mexico at least a dozen times. I am baffled by the horrible driving I witness daily.

Two hours after witnessing this accident I was caught up in traffic slowing to a stop and for the most part doing 5-10 mph for over 30 minutes. I finally got up to where the accident was only to see it was on the Northbound side of the Freeway. The only reason I was in stop and go traffic for 30 minutes was because looky-loos had to slow down and look at the crap sandwich on the other side of the freeway. I made a very sweet video about my feelings during this situation. If cursing offends you please don’t watch it. I believe in the 33 second video only 2 words are not cuss words. It is mostly for shock value and I hoped it would give my friends a laugh.

I made it to the exit in Southern Alabama and was only about 7 minutes from my LA (Lower Alabama) home. I pulled up to a very familiar intersection where lots of flashing lights were going on as the fire department was out directing traffic and not letting people turn left. I was going right at this T intersection, but still rolled down my window to confirm that was okay. I asked ”Can I go right??” and got this response from a sassy firewoman ”I don’t know, can you???”.

Clearly she knew who I was. FknBucky is famous. Thought you knew. I asked if my not as good looking as me brother was at the accident and she replied ”yes”. I asked if it was bad and she again said ”yes”. Little Brother has been on the volunteer fire department for almost a decade now and has seen a lot of bad things. Being this close to the freeway he has seen things most of us pray daily we will never have to witness. This part of the blog is going to be hard to read. People need to understand the consequences of doing stupid crap in a car.

The driver of the car thought it would be a good idea to pass other cars on this two lane highway. Accelerating to well over the speed limit the driver pulled out in the oncoming traffic lane and started to pass other drivers. I know this stretch of road and there is a town in about 10 miles. Even if they could do 80 miles an hour the whole way a person maybe would arrive 45 seconds sooner, but I’ll let you judge if that 45 seconds was worth the gamble. What is the wager Bucky?? Well, if you win you arrive to the 25 mile an hour zone and stop light 45 seconds sooner than if you had just drove the speed limit. If you lose people in your vehicle die.

While passing the cars it is believed a car came at this car so to avoid a head on collision the driver had to swerve quickly back into the correct lane. When they did this at extremely unsafe speeds this driver drove straight into the back of another vehicle. The vehicle lost control, flipped and rolled, and got all kinds of smashed up before finally coming to a rest. There were very bad injuries to the people in that all vehicles involved. I know of a similar accident where all 4 teenagers in the car were decapitated. Easily avoidable incidents like this happen way to often. In fact a few years ago about a couple hundred yards from my brothers house a group of kids were going to fast, swerved to miss a dog, lost control of the vehicle when it hit a concrete power line pole, and two 15 year old kids died. I wrote about that in a blog the day after.

I would much rather write a blog about being thankful for all the good in your life today. The truth is you should be thankful for everything. Instead I’m awake at 4 AM with this on my mind making it impossible to sleep until I get this out of my head. Just slow down. I see cars everyday that weave from one lane to the next cutting people off, passing on the right, and just driving like an asshole only to take the next exit. If this is you – KNOCK it off. If you constantly gamble the lives of people in your car and the lives of people in cars around you it is only a matter of time that you will lose the bet.

Life is beautiful. It is a gift. It is fragile and NOT guaranteed. It could be over too soon, but gambling your life on the way to Walmart is simply stupid. I write about this with a heavy heart, but if one person thinks about this blog, takes my advice to slow down, and not drive like an idiot it will be worth it. Please share this message with people you care about. The families of all the people involved in the accidents yesterday should be having a great day cooking a turkey today. Instead they are in shock, heartbroken, and possibly planning a funeral. 45 eff’ing Seconds…….

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

Please take a moment to thank the volunteer Firemen/Firewomen and the volunteer Ambulance folks. They see things no one should have to witness and give their time to take care of others.

08
Apr
21

Hate Soup. I’ll have two bowls please!!

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I took some time off from writing after the 1st. That day is always an odd one for me. I always tell myself that it is just a day like all the rest, but our minds pile on all this needless BS when it comes to dates for this and that. Days are days, and just because it sucked one time does not mean it will suck every year. Yet I allow myself to get sucked into the web of pointless feelings. I try very hard to not stress over things I can not change. Try as I will it still happens. Kind of like how so many of us try to stay young forever and never die. None of us will cheat death in the end. We all pay the piper, but our actions and attitude until then create how we will be remembered.

Okay we all die, now on to the point today. It is weird that I have to consciously force myself to not watch the news. It is crap. They all have an agenda and feeding you what you want to hear regardless of truth or fact seems to be the recipe for success these companies have bought into. I have unplugged and I hope you learn to as well. The division I see on the TV is complete insanity. I get along with everyone I meet in real life, but the TV tells me I should hate this group and that group. I say Fuck you TV. I pick who I hate. Let’s see if you’ve been paying attention. Number 1 on my hate list?? The son of a gun that invented Voicemail. I will gladly sign up for time travel to go back in time and kill this person. Yep that is how much I hate VM.

Number 2 on my list is a new hatred of mine. It has always been there, but I didn’t recognize it until recently. What do you think or who do you think it is??? That little green Geico lizard. He needs to die. For the good of mankind. Now that we are here it is quite fitting the car insurance business is #2 (get it??) and we should kill them all. These bloodsuckers have pushed to far. I’m supposed to watch countless commercials on TV, hear them on the radio, read billboard signs while driving, and who knows what else telling me how much I can save?? Bullcrap. All that advertising is stupid expensive along with all the celebrities you have on those commercials to tell me to trust the General. Eff off Shaq. Your big ass can’t make a free throw, but somehow I’m supposed to trust a cartoon military guy with my car insurance because you say so??? Nope. Car insurance companies are black hearted pieces of poop.

Feels good to hate doesn’t it?? Makes you feel powerful when you give into the dark side. Forgiveness?? Not in this lifetime. I’m going to carry my hate around like a club ready to smash anyone in the face that doesn’t hate with me. My hate is for good you see so I’m morally obligated to whip my hate out and hit people with it. That is how we create good in the world. Hmmmm. Sounds kinda dumb when you say it like. Shut up Bucky, my hate is accepted by Twitter. Good for you. You’ve just proved to me you’re an idiot. And an asshole, but mostly an idiot.

Who is going to be number 3?? So many choices, but this next one could be number one someday. They show no signs of slowing down or have they already slowed down??? Yep. I’m talking about you left lane driver!! OOooo I hate you so much. What the heck happened to you?? What kind of insane abuse did you take as a kid to become this person?? When I’m using my time machine to kill Voicemail guy, I will go back into time (for free) and murder your ancestors simply so the DNA string you are a part of no longer exists. Yeah that is what the 47 drivers behind you are thinking as you camp out in the left lane doing 66 mph in a 65 speed limit zone. Thankfully the idiot in the right lane is doing 65.5 mph so technically you are passing him in about 17 minutes while the 47 other drivers want to go 93 mph. Great job enforcing the law loser. Man I hate you. So much. If hate was a soup, I would eat two bowls with a really big spoon just for you.

Alright. Having some fun with hate today. It can be funny to hate things that can’t hate back. When you make that decision to “hate” someone that can hate back you have to be prepared for the escalation that will most certainly occur. No one wants to be hated and the natural reaction is to hate back twice as hard. Here is something you’re going to hate. It doesn’t matter if you hate AOC, Nancy Pelosi, or Donald Trump. If you do hate any of those people you are all in a group together. You are the haters. Hate is hate. Once you allow that into your heart it doesn’t make a difference who you hate. That hate will grow, expand, and start to take over other feelings like compassion, understanding, and just being rational. Don’t fall for it. Anyone or anything that tells you or encourages you to hate something NEVER has your best interest at heart. No. They want to use you to get something they want regardless of the toll it will take on you. You don’t matter as a person to them. They need your hate to fuel their agenda. These types of people will use you up, never even know your name, and throw you out for a younger more energetic model every time.

So don’t give in to them. Choose to be kind. It is our most powerful weapon against this current hate filled atmosphere. I will not participate in the outrage/hate game. Remember most of the time the loudest “Victim” is often the worst perpetrator. I’m reminded of a murder case in San Diego. A young blond girl was killed on the 15 freeway area. A state trooper was on the local news telling young women how to be more cautious because of the threat driving alone at night created. 3 months later they found out he was the bastard that killed her. Here is the link to that info.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Cara_Knott

I have had several people tell me this blog helped them set anger/hate aside at some situation in life allowing them to choose kindness instead. To me that is a win. I always think of a world where people think about others before themselves. It isn’t impossible. All you have to do is join me. One person at a time we will change the world we live in.

I appreciate you all. Be Kind. Be informed. Be yourself.

FknBucky

P.S. FknBucky shirts are taking shape. I have picked the style of shirt and will ok the font/wording tomorrow. Exciting.

17
Mar
21

RIP Sabine Schmitz

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I don’t know if you have ever watched this show, but I have and love it. 51 years old is still too young. There was a time in my life that I thought I didn’t want to live past 25. I almost made that come true crashing that darn motorcycle at 24. I think back and catch myself thinking how much it sucks to have wrecked that bike and become a paraplegic, but I have to be realistic and remember that I was a pretty crazy guy back in those days. If it wasn’t the bike it would have been one of the other 100 crazy decisions I made on a weekly basis. Want to know how crazy I was back then ask around. I’m sure there are plenty of people with FknBucky stories. Where do you think the nickname came from???

Back to the show. I love it and this particular clip with Sabine driving a transport van at these speeds just make me happy. I would gladly go for that ride any day. I love going fast. I love when my heart beat increases and one wrong move could mean death. I am never more alive than in that exact moment. I don’t know why I am that way, I just know I am. I did the ride along in a Nascar, but was bored. I literally let out a couple of fake zero emotion “whoohoos” just because I felt sorry for the guy driving. He thought this “cripple” was going to have the time of his life, but in reality I kept thinking this is stupid, I want to drive. The highlight of the day was the anal cavity search I underwent while two clueless guys tried to lift me over the wall to get onto the track. I would have liked dinner first, but like usual they just raped me and left me. Bastards.

The 35 other people waiting patiently in line had no idea it was 2:1 day at the track. Getting to ride along in a real NASCAR and seeing FknBucky’s bare white ass all in one morning. Must have been a very special moment for all of them. Back to my girl Sabine Schmitz. Watching the clip above just made me smile. I wish I could have met her in person because people like that are rare and I always enjoy hearing stories from people that are willing to push the line. I have this feeling our three week love affair would have been special. Meeting women like this is always awesome, but after a couple weeks when we remember our personalities make it impossible to settle down. I have lots of great memories for the two weeks of madness. I’m a Leo, we burn hot and fast, but always need more fuel…

I hope watching the clip gives you a bit of inspiration to chase a dream you have. For a woman to be a respected race car driver is no easy task. Things are a bit easier nowadays, but there is still a lot of proving to be done before anyone is accepted in that small group of people. Words don’t mean a thing. You still have to prove it on the asphalt which is where the truth always comes out. The truth always has a way of showing up at the most in opportune times so be careful if you stray from it. Sooner or later it will come out. I can only imagine Sabine had a dream and went for it.

She lost a battle with Cancer. I hope someday we can find a way to cure it. I used to volunteer at a Childrens hospital with many of the kids having this awful disease. It broke my heart every Tuesday. With adults you simply hope they enjoyed their life as much as possible in the 51 or whatever years they have. When it is an 8 year old boy/girl it just sucks that much more. It simply reminds all of us how fragile our lives really are. In no time at all yours can be taken. Don’t wait for the right moment. Create the moment. Encourage those around you to shoot for the stars. Help when you can. No better feeling in the world than watching someone reach a goal that you helped get them there. Enjoy the moment with them, but leave your part out. Don’t expect a shout out every time you do something kind.

This incredible woman should be celebrated and losing her so young is a reason for us all to mourn. Chase your dreams, they go by fast so you gotta be ready, and live everyday like it is your last. This doesn’t be reckless and stupid, but rather question what is it that makes you truly happy. I love to make people laugh and write. I have no formal teaching for either of those. I’m shooting from the hip on this whole blog thing, but it makes me happy. No one is going to agree with me 100% of the time, hell I don’t even agree with me 100% of the time. I look back at things I wrote and think “Damn that was stupid”. Admitting mistakes and learning from them is the best education you will ever get. Can’t make mistakes to learn from if you never get into the game.

Drive fast, take chances.

FknBucky

12
Mar
21

Mom Whore

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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My Mom never misses a day of reading this blog. Sorry Mom, but I am out there defending your honor EVERY DAY!

It is Friday or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know what day you’ll read this. I hope you do read it though. I can be wrong at times and honestly I’m okay with that. If you’re never incorrect or on the wrong side of things you’re not trying enough. Failing or being wrong as just as important to being a good human as succeeding and being correct. Many times it is more important. Success is easy to accept. Defeat forces us back to the drawing board to analyze and then retry based on the lessons learned.

I drive a lot in my personal life and in my professional life. I see a lot of bad driving. Obviously it is always women doing the bad driving. Who’s idea was it to let women drive again??? Next we are going to let them vote. Oh man there is no coming back from that. See what I mean about mistakes??? Nobody gets it perfect the first time around, but we can learn and evolve as humans accepting we are incorrect about a certain way of thinking and then take steps to fix it. You can make new laws, but I will always believe you need to change a persons heart to measure true progress.

Back to the crap driving I see daily. I watch all the time people that refuse to let someone merge in front of them. It is true insanity. Blinkers used to mean you were going to travel from the lane you are currently in to the lane next to you. They do not mean this anymore. Now when you turn your blinker on you are calling the mother of the driver next to you a whore. I didn’t get that memo either. I had to figure it out. Now once the insult is fired off that driver is required to speed up not slow down so that you can not get into their lane. If they successfully block you from merging into that lane their mother is not a whore. Who knew?? Nobody tells you at the DMV either. I had to figure this whole system out on my own.

There is the flip back Mom whore maneuver that should not be attempted by a rookie. No this takes years of practice. This happens when the driver attempting the merge flips on blinker and starts the process. To perfectly execute this move you must still be one or more car links behind merging car. Once the blinker is engaged you must act quickly. First thing you do is floor it. Remember your mother was just called a whore by that blinker using bastard. While closing the gap and hopefully almost causing an accident (this means you’re doing it correctly) you start to lay on your horn. Very important to simply hold it down. If you only toot toot that is actually accepting the insult on your Mom. I know some of your Moms. You may want to practice the toot toot.

Now that your engine is red lining, your horn is blaring, you are ready for reverse Mom whore. This is you screaming at that other car while flailing your arms about to let them know you are legit crazy. They have no choice, but to turn that darn blinker off, and wait to insult someone else’s mother. Well done. Not only did you block the insult, but you threw it back over onto them. Sometimes this driver will actually toot toot to you accepting their Mother’s fate. The extra cherry on top is they miss their exit and have to drive an extra 7 miles. Don’t you worry about it though you’re on your way to a save the planet meeting addressing ways to cut back on needless use of fossil fuels. Go figure that one out.

Driving is true reflection of your inside character I believe. It is anonymous as nobody knows who you are unless your in a small town so you can do what ever you want with out having to answer for it. If you are a jerk it will show in the way you drive. If you don’t allow cars to merge in front of you for whatever reason you’re a Dick. Slow down and let the person in. I’m quite certain no one likes you and won’t mind if you are a few minutes late. They would probably rather you didn’t show up at all. Not only do you not let a car in, but you have to weave in and out of traffic to get ahead three spots before cutting across three lanes to take the next exit. All the cars that you practically hit weaving about pass you as you pull up to the red light on the exit ramp. The word stupid is way to kind for you. You are stupid squared. I’m going call you SQUPID. Honk again at me I dare you.

I could fill a dozen books with BS I see on the roads. I’m the guy that will let you in. I also leave space in between me and car in front of me so people can turn left while I’m at a stoplight. If I’m on a busy street I will not block traffic for 10 minutes waiting to turn left. Nope, I will go down, use the left turn lane at the stoplight that has a green arrow. Then I will do a U turn allowing me to come back and turn into the parking lot I wanted using a right turn. I added 45 seconds to my drive, but I didn’t back up traffic forever because I’m a SQUPID. Being kind has no off button. You can look for ways to be kind to other drivers. It isn’t hard.

The way we treat each other while controlling a 2 ton missile is disgusting. I swear some people do NOT want to live thru their commute. That is fine by me, but leave me and everyone else out of it. Speed up, pop a couple uppers or downers, turn your blinker on for an obscene amount of time while flying down the road and then go hit a tree. In this scenario I feel sorry for the tree.

Be kind to one another. You don’t have to follow someone home and wash their car to be kind. Just hit the brake a tad and let them merge in. In fact don’t follow people home. It isn’t as romantic a gesture as one might think. Cops, restraining orders, and the hassles.. That is what a friend told me 47 times. Only a percentage of you will get that joke and I’m okay with that.

I love my Moms. Yes I have more than one. I am so awesome one Mother’s love just wasn’t enough so God gave me another.

FknBucky

P.S. I am a master at the reverse Mom Whore so don’t even think about blinkering me.

02
Mar
21

Car Insurance Mafia

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Alright enough is enough. It is time for an old fashioned rant that will most likely get me canceled before I get started. If they can get Dr Seuss none of us are safe. Don’t bother me. Heck I say let the children read some FknBucky and actually learn something. One Fish, Two Fish, how about a dose of shut the Ef up doctor. Boom. I am not going to lie I don’t see the point in freaking out about it, but hey the angry people have to concentrate their anger somewhere. I don’t know why they are always so pissed off, but that is what angry mob people do. They anger stuff. Enjoy that. If you are a racist because of something you read in a Dr Seuss book you have a bigger problem. You are fucking stupid too. That one is going to be harder than fix than your racist views.

I didn’t even mean to talk about that, but hey most of this blog is made up on the spot anyway. What I’m actually mad at is car insurance. These pricks are laughing all the way to the bank while you’re melting down over Green Eggs and Ham. They are crooks and car insurance is way to darn expensive. Have you watched a television in the last 12 months?? Every other commercial is Progressive, Geico, or State Farm. Don’t think we didn’t notice Jake woke up black one day?!? What is that about?? You want to have a black spokesperson more power to you, but to swap out white Jake with a black Jake is stupid. Why can’t white Jake have a black friend named Ed?? I do. Let Ed takeover the commercials and we are all better for it.

The celebrities in these commercials starting with Aaron Rodgers (best QB in WI), Pat Mahomes, and Drake?? That is one commercial. They are paying a fortune for these people to spokespersons and guess where that money is coming from?? Yep you because your kid just turned 16 so Geico has to charge you $9,000 more a month. Not because he is a bad driver, but they need more money to hire Tom Brady now. I bet that little lizard has a 10,000 square foot house in Beverly Hills. Look at him down there, driving a better car than you and I. Hate that snobby lizard. He best not come outside when I’m around because I will run his stupid green British accent ass down in my minivan. I’ll gladly pay an extra $50 a month for that “accident”.

Don’t get me started on Flo. First it was just her annoying us to death, but somehow she has a whole gang now. If you don’t use Progressive that weirdo Jamie is going to come to your house and impregnate your daughter. I’ve seen it happen in other countries. You thought socialism ruined Venezuela?? Wow I spelled that right on the first try. Nope those poor Southern neighbors got wrapped up in the car insurance game and their whole economy collapsed over night. Nothing I just said is true, but you don’t care about facts or truths so just repeat all that to some other idiot that doesn’t bother to look anything up so you can both be stupid. Now that you two are together go make a baby and read Dr Seuss to it.

Geico promised me $48 monthly rates and got me to break up with Jake. He was still white when I left him so don’t go playing the race card on me. Geico was fun and dangerous. She would show up to dinner with a switchblade and be all like you never know when you gotta cut someone. I was like “yeah you never know….:” Then she changed man. Didn’t reply to text messages as fast anymore. Seemed to be busy on Tuesdays when she wasn’t before. I should have seen it coming, but I was naive. My CC became out dated. Past its date. They emailed me and said I need a new card to continue dating. I said cool as long as my money doesn’t go to that stupid lizard. I uploaded a new credit card to Geico.

Time goes by. I hear nothing so I assume my switchblade carrying mistress has moved on to some other bloke (I wanted to use that word for a week now), but she would still take my money monthly cause that is what they do. I was wrong. Well kinda. I was in the North Woods of WI which is something I do every year. A group of us guys go up and do a bit of bear hunting. We don’t use guns, but actually kill them with our bare hands to keep it more sporting. Actually we just get blacked out drunk and tear up some teddy bears. There is a lot more stuffing in those bears than you’d think. I almost choked on stuffing once. Don’t deep fry it. Okay off topic. There is very limited phone signal in the North Woods, but when I do get a signal I see that Geico completely dumped me. BY EMAIL. Coward.

I call Geico and say “What is the deal?? I thought you loved me?? Or at least my money. She said I was delinquent on my payment. How can that be?? I gave you a new card. I hadn’t had time to use up all the credit buying poor Russian girls presents yet. Those ladies really understand me. Until the credit card declines. I’m sensing a pattern here… Geico said the card was fine, but I didn’t check the auto pay box again. I said “what?” Apparently when you put a new card on file you have to set up auto pay again. How the Ef am I supposed to know that?? Maybe explaining that would have been better than carving “White Jake sucks” in our dinner table. Great so now I have no insurance I ask?? Yep, but Geico was willing to take me back at that exact moment. Whew I thought it’s a good thing this didn’t get ugly.

Ugly is my sisters middle name. Not sure what that has to do with this rant. There was a catch. Apparently Geico needed to upgrade from a switchblade to a flipping Patriot missile because my rate went from $48 to $197. It went up because of my lapse of coverage. 4 days of a lapse. Of course I’m super stoked at this point. No anger at all. I said ‘Well I have to check with Flo and the gang first.” Geico was cool with that and explained that there was a $22 balance on my account, but I didn’t have to worry because they went ahead and charged the card on file. WTF. I asked you charged the card on file the breaking up fee instead of the stay together fee?? That crazy broad said “yep.” You literally could not measure how happy I was at this moment. Unless you have a measurement for ZERO.

Because Geico is a spiteful broad she made sure to call the state government the exact day my card stopped being charge so they could get in on the fun. Yep I got a $50 fine for having a lapse in coverage from them as well along with a $5 late fee as I didn’t know about the stupid fee topped off with a $2 processing fee. Best part is they never told me I was good to go. I had to call into the North Carolina DOT. I did this. 3 times. First time was a 23 min hold just to be disconnected when someone picked up. Second call was 22 minutes, but the connection was awful with a loud piecing siren noise. I asked the lady to call me back and she said okay, but 15 minutes later I was able to confirm ‘that was a lie.” Thank you Maury Povich. My third and thankfully last call was 16 minutes. I got the girl on the phone and told her the whole situation to which she replied “Oh you are Good to go.”

I asked “Is there an email or something that tells me this??” She says Nope. We just stop sending you letters telling you that you suck. They simply stop sending you mail. Cause that doesn’t take forever to figure out. I’m not the only one to be treated dirty but the car insurance mafia. I would call the General, but we all know Shaq ain’t cheap. I’m sure they have to buy his big ass lunch on filming day. Now they got Snoop Dogg. Think his stoned butt isn’t just as expensive to feed as Shaq?? That is right, your car insurance money is spent on WEED for Snoop Dogg. The least he could do is puff, puff, pass…

So as you argue about right and left, the true enemy is walking right into your front door. Your wife is mad at you cause you’re broke, your daughter is knocked up by a lizard, your son is smoking Snoop Dogg’s pot with white Jake cause he is now unemployed, and you’re oblivious to it all keeping a current credit card on file. Do as you’re told or the Mafia will come for you. Man up, woman up, or whatever the other 20 genders we have now up, and say no more car insurance mafia! I want broke ass everyday people in the commercials that make minimum wage (the $7.50 one cause I hate people) so I can pay a reasonable amount monthly in case someone smashes my van again.

I feel better. Sorry Mom the F-Bomb was important there. Take the day off, You don’t have to be kind today. Go find an insurance vehicle and scratch it. Don’t get caught.

FknBucky

21
Feb
20

Parking Madness

By Bucktown 1 Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FF564D62-FA7E-4BFD-98EA-B8E3602E318DLet’s get right into it. I will never understand the individuals that believe it is okay to park in a handicap parking spot.  I see it every single day.  Charlotte, NC is actually one of the worst places I’ve experienced for this problem.  If you can walk be proud of that shit and walk an extra few feet leaving the close up parking for people that might actually need it.  I tell people if I get my legs back I’ll skip everywhere I go.  Heck, I’ll park two blocks away in the rain just to skip a little further.  Plus no one get abducted while skipping.  It is a safety thing.  Okay back on subject here.  Jessica Alba is so damn hot, wait what was I doing, oh yeah parking….  Seriously what is wrong with your head that you don’t get that parking in a blue man spot, in between them, or in any way screwing them up for people that need them is a crappy thing to do???

281B8AAD-825E-4A8A-9CE4-330CB20742A0I saw this truck today while walking a friends dog.  This might be the dumbest thing I’ve seen since the last time I saw someone parked like this.  Like I said it happens way to much.  I don’t personally care about parking close to the building that I’m trying to go in. I just need the extra space so that I can open my car door the whole way.  When I park in a regular spot someone parks too close to me and I can’t get in my own vehicle.  This means I have to ask a random stranger to back my van out.  I don’t like having random people driving my car ever, as I think all other drivers suck.  My bad I meant to say I KNOW they all suck.

This part is my favorite.  What do you think it is??  Oh yeah the apology.  Which is complete bullshit.  You had the ignorance to park there, might as well own it. Come out and say “Stupid cripples should just stay home” or maybe “Old people are a nuisance and walk too slow, screw them”.  To simply throw “I’m sorry” out when you get caught doesn’t mean a thing.  You’re not sorry you did something awful, you’re just sorry you got caught.  You’ll do it again and again because you simply don’t give a shit.  Don’t act like you do care because if you did, you’d NEVER park in those spots.  It is that simple.

BA6F7B30-ED81-475C-ABD9-AA6591F02B3AMy friends in Charlotte learned how much this happens in the last year.  I would mention to them about the parking lot of a particular establishment we would meet up for prayer meetings.  Yes that is my story, moving on.  After a while they would start to look at the blue man spots to see if they were open or had cars in them that should not be there.  Now they were getting angry.  I have to let it go right after I see it or I’ll be pissed off all the time.  They had to learn this as well.  This problem happens every single day.  Maybe it is because I’m out so often and have more chances to see assholes parked illegally or maybe it is really that problematic.  If I let a parking issue ruin my day I would have A LOT of ruined days and per the last blog I’m not willing to give these idiots one of my days.

In life we all have to decide what kind of person we want to be.  This is not difficult.  It is as simple as parking in a handicap spot or not.  If you park illegally in a handicap spot you are choosing to be a shitty person. Enjoy that.

Think about it.

FknBucky

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