FknBucky

This isn’t how I envisioned my next blog to go. I haven’t published anything since writing about Ryan. Not that I haven’t had things to say, it just felt so trivial once I started putting it into words. We lose the purpose of existence in a moment. 9/11 – We are one!!! A few years later it is a Facebook post that catches your eye so you share it saying never forget as you grab another Truly from the cooler. I’m not saying it is right or wrong. It simply is what happens. The best way to honor the people we love that left us to soon is to cherish the moments we have with the people still here. That is the purpose.

I drove to Alabama today. I meant to drive over 2 days ago, but kept getting caught up with this and that. I believe looking back now I was looking for things to delay my trip because I knew when I got here things would become real for me. It has been real for my family here in Lower Alabama or LA for the locals. We lost Momma last week. She was everyone’s Momma. The first time little brother introduced her to me he called her Momma and said I should as well. That was that. She embraced the stereotype and simply was everything people say about Southern hospitality. There are never guests in Mommas house. Once you cross that threshold you are family. Grab a plate, load it up, and find a safe place to sit down.

Chances are you will be run over by a dog or kid at some point while eating. Some people have beautiful houses filled with expensive neat stuff. It can be impressive, but not for me. I want to be in a home. A dwelling that is filled with love, amazing smells of pound cake baking, and hopefully a muddy dog chasing a 7 year kid down the hall. I feel sorry for people that don’t get to know what that type of love is like. It simply didn’t matter who you are outside of these walls because while you are inside of them you always had food to eat, a family right here, with a large helping of love for dessert. Okay that is not true because dessert is a ginormous bowl of ice cream that Dakota has to scoop or it doesn’t taste as good.

I stayed here in Alabama with little brother and his family for a long while after I left Cali. I decided I was going to lose some weight and started eating salads for meals. Not an easy thing to do with Momma making fried chicken, fried pork chops, potato salad (MAN I LOVE THIS), pound cake, and pretty much everything. Collard greens with bacon, jalapeños with bacon, hell I think some mornings we had bacon wrapped bacon dipped in melted butter. I would eat my salad only to have Momma hand me a plate with bacon wrapped bacon on it saying it ain’t right just eating a salad. Who am I to argue??? I can lose weight next week.

I pulled into the driveway tonight about 8:30 PM. I was supposed to leave on Friday, then Saturday, then Sunday morning, but it was almost 1 PM by the time I was leaving Charlotte. In my defense I do have a job and had to handle a few things before being gone this week. Pulling in I noticed the lawn was littered with cars. Sunday dinner. Every week there is a big meal and everyone eats. I smiled and thought this is what Momma left us. She didn’t leave us stuff, money in a mattress (although I’m checking first thing in the AM), or some big inheritance. Nope, she left us each other to lean on, laugh with, and share the pain with in hard times. We don’t have to face anything alone because we have this beautiful family Momma gave us. She was wise many times teaching lessons without pointing out the incredibly obvious.

We won’t need a crafty Meme to remember Momma. It won’t come around once a year to throw up a never forget picture of Momma. Nope. Every get together, impromptu Wednesday night we decide fuck it and have a few more that a couple while building a fire, and the Sunday evenings sharing food, laughs, and love with the people that are important to us. The truth is she never left. Her physical body stopped holding her back and now she can watch over us all. Momma didn’t go to bed without telling everyone she loved them. You didn’t walk out her front door without her saying she loved you. She understood how precious moments are and without shoving it down our throats she simply taught us by doing it. I’ve pondered what to write for a week now. I really didn’t have it until I pulled into the driveway tonight. I was met with 20 voices telling I was late, fat (thanks Shannon), ugly, and most importantly a tiny voice asking where did I want all my precious pictures a certain young lady drew for me. One of them is scary she said so I have to be careful when I look thru them.

It doesn’t seem fair that she is gone. I know it is incredibly hard on my sister in law. I can’t imagine the pain she is in and I never like to think about the day when well you know. We will keep Momma right here with us everyday. Every time someone leaves we say “Love you!” Every time we hand an idiot eating a salad a plate full of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and collard greens with bacon there will be Momma looking down on us proud that she left a legacy of love, respect, and a few extra lbs….. She also is one of one that passed every level of Candy Crush and became a God to the game.

We all love you and miss you Momma. We cherish the wisdom and kindness you showed us.

Always tell those you care about that you love them. Don’t wait for a perfect moment or time. Just do it every time. I can still hear the words.

“Alright, I’m loving you.” Then Momma walked up the stairs. This time Momma had a few extra stairs to climb to be with her maker.

“Goodnight, We all love you too Momma.”

FknBucky