Time goes by so darn fast. A day here, a day there, a week, a month, and inevitably years.. I just like all of you allow myself to be fooled by the biggest genius I know. Me. If you don’t look up to yourself how can you expect anyone else to?? In this exact moment you still have time to change. I don’t know how much time you have, but as long as you’re alive there is always hope. Hope. Easy word to say, but sometimes when we need it the most, it becomes impossible to find. You look everywhere. In this spot and that spot, in this person and that person, ripping everything you know apart until you sit down out of breath and defeated. Funny and not funny, you had it the whole time. Inside of you. You simply forgot how turn it on.
How do I turn it on Bucky?? By believing in yourself. Confidence. Read the books. Take the classes. Find a mentor. Make yourself better. I write this “message” because I need to hear it. I need to be reminded. I haven’t posted in a long time. I’ve written a ton, but haven’t shared. I have to teach myself that I can get my point across in less than 1,200 words.
Turn your hope back on. Right now. Best way to create that spark is to give someone else hope. A hug. A compliment. A quick “I believe in you.” You are enough. The greatest thing about losing something is the fact you can find it.
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
FknBucky the Podcast coming soon!! Listen in as I talk smack on EVERYONE, use the Bucky humor you know you love, and wrap it all up in a wisdom bow just for you.
Turkey Day. Family. Being thankful. I drove to Alabama yesterday which sucked. Too many other drivers on the road. I wish I could just zap them all to disappear like ships in the Bermuda Triangle. For the record, I hate people.
I say blah to Thanksgiving. We pass it over and head straight to Christmas anyway. Some say it is racist. A racist holiday to spend time with your loved ones and take a day to express your thankfulness for all the blessings in your life. When you explain it like that, it makes total sense. Stupid racist Thanksgiving people. I say we switch it up from now on.
Take this Thursday in November to be a selfish prick. Eat all you want, diets be darned, and fall asleep with your pants unbuttoned with the NFL games playing on TV. Make it 24 hours of all about you time. Thankful. Not today.
Instead of being thankful one day a year, how about we be thankful 364 days a year. Take the one day to hate on everyone, get drunk on wine all day, and eat a huge meal you most likely did not pay for or help prepare. Don’t thank the cooks. Eat with your hands after 7 tequila shots while cursing in front of the kiddos. I just described every holiday of my 20’s…
I just find it fake. It is like 9-11 when you post a “never forget” meme, but forget about it the next day. Did you donate to a fund to help first responders with illnesses directly from being at ground zero??? I’m making a point. I’m so “thankful” today. Tomorrow AM I will be complaining that I don’t have as big of a TV as my neighbor and that is society’s fault. My neighbor works overtime while I spend my free time drinking beer and smoking weed, but it is not fair he/she has a nicer car than I do.
Okay I’ve beat you up enough. You don’t need a holiday to be thankful and appreciate the blessings you currently have. You can start by no longer measuring your happiness with things. Happiness is a choice, an emotion that cost no money, and if you don’t have a lot of it the only person to blame is yourself. Be accountable for you and own your choices. Best part of that is every single day you can wake up and make new choices. Choose to read a book, take a class, call an old friend, end a feud with a loved one, or anything. Pick someone and do a kind thing for them randomly.
About a year ago I decided to send my niece handwritten letters for fun. Getting mail as a 7 year old is a pretty big deal. It takes 5 minutes to write up a message and maybe $.50 for a stamp. I wait for no holiday or birthday. I just do it. I put some cheap stickers in it and I’m told the excitement is massive when it shows up. I’ve gotten a couple letters in return, and it is pretty exciting to see a crayon colored butterfly mixed in with credit card offers and hospital bills. I’m thankful for those butterflies every time I open the fridge. Best art in my home.
My overall point is this. Make every day of your life Thanksgiving. Appreciate the blessings you have right now. A wife, girlfriend, kids, friends, family, food, clothes, shelter, neighbors, and all the rest. I come across a lot of unthankful people everyday and honestly it makes me sad. Negative energy is contagious. Here is a mind blowing thought. Positive energy is also contagious. What do you want to be known for??? If you want things to be different in the future change the decisions you make today.
I truly hope all of you have blessed day with friends and family.
Love Who You Are Today, Tomorrow is Not Guaranteed.
I want to share a story with you today. A very important one that I hope will open your eyes, your heart, and help motivate you to count your blessings instead of constantly wishing for more. There is a club that no one wants to join. There is no name for it, it has no leader, and it is guaranteed that all members wish they could unjoin. It is a club of tragedy. Accidents that change the body is the cost of membership. I became a member April 1st, 2002 and have been dealing with it every single day since. This isn’t my story though.
I volunteer because I am able to help and I know that. I offer my everything to the people I talk with at the rehab hospital. I will answer any questions no matter how personal, help with any equipment they may need or want to know about, and I’m happy to talk with family members that want to learn/understand how to best help the loved one that is going thru this physical nightmare. I’ve probably talked with at least few hundred confused/scared people over the years and I’m very proud of that.
Travis and Staci Hoyle gave me permission to use their real names in this blog. Travis was injured a couple months ago and is currently using a wheelchair. I want to express one thing here very strongly. It isn’t your business how it happened. Don’t ask. Ever. It is not okay. Don’t say I’m one of those people that just blurt it out. Travis will tell you if he wants to. Instead do something easy. Talk to him like you would without the chair. He is the same person today as he was 6 months ago. Bust his balls, call him ugly, give him a hard time about driving a Nissan, or whatever else you normally do.
The Hoyle’s have a tough road ahead. It isn’t impossible, but it is hard and they will need that 4 wheel drive of his F150, (it is actually a 2004 Nissan 4×4 Supercharged) to get thru it. “Travis made sure I corrected that.” I have no doubts that they will. This is a strong family from what I have seen. Leave your pity at home. Nobody needs that crap. Bring your happiness, smiles, never give up attitude, and instead of asking for details on what happened say ”I know you got this and I’m here if you need anything.”
I see strength, fear, and determination in Staci and Travis’s eyes. It is okay to have fear because everything is new and we fear what we don’t know. The strength they have has nothing to do with lifting weights. True strength is in a persons mind, it is strong to accept reality, it is strong to smile first thing in the morning and say I can do this, it is strong to remember you’re not the only one going thru this, and most importantly it is strong to acknowledge other people are hurting as well. Pity parties are stupid and worthless so have a strength party. Challenge everyone around you to use the strength God gave them to overcome this obstacle. Once again I will say I have no doubt they will overcome this, but friends and family have a HUGE role to play to make that happen.
Unfortunately bad things happen to great people all the time. It is unfair and makes me want to scream at nothing sometimes. 20 years of membership and yes sometimes I still have moments of extreme weakness and anger. The key is to not live there. Accept the emotions, work thru them naturally, and get back to living your best life. Avoid the ”what if” hole because it simply leads to depression, anger, and regrets. What if I didn’t go, what if I didn’t stop for coffee, what if I didn’t date her, what if what if, and more what if. That is pointless because no matter how much you torture yourself it will not ever change the outcome.
You don’t have to be Travis and Staci to use the advice above. Everyone has hardships in life, hardship plays no favorites, and facing it head on is the right course of action. There is a benefit for Travis on Sunday. I’m told the 300 available tickets sold out very quickly. Money is always welcome and helpful, but kind words and genuine caring is fuel for the fighting spirit alive inside of Travis and Staci. This is not an easy road, but once again it is not impossible. The only thing different is Travis got a lot shorter and won’t be running up any stairs for a while.
Remember as this battle goes on that smiles and laughter are okay. In fact they are a must. Focus on the things that make you smile. Watching your kids succeed at anything. Holding your partner in front of a fireplace on a rainy night. Laughing with your friends while telling old stories. One of my best friends growing up and I would always yell when Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica came on. It is a random thing, but after my accident while having a tough moment in life that song come over the radio. I was instantly transported back in time and smiled gratefully that I was still alive to enjoy that memory. It is okay to be happy while dealing with tragedy. To this day every time I hear this song, I’m instantly 19 years old again, yelling at the radio with my friends while drinking a Busch Light.
It is easy to find reasons to be unhappy, mean, and ungrateful. True strength is when you put all those aside and find one reason to smile. You only need one. Kids, wife, family, friends, pets, food in your stomach, warm place to sleep, and so on. You can choose to be happy in horrible situations. In life when we are forced into situations beyond our control it is important to concentrate on the one thing we always have control of. Your Attitude. It is easy to smile at the end of the trip, but more important to keep that smile and positive attitude going during the journey no matter how long it may be.
I hope everyone who reads this will share it. You never know who needs to hear the message above. If you can donate money please do and then share this message. If you can’t send money I only ask you share this message so others will see it and be able to help.
Count your blessings. Be grateful for the people in your life. Truly grateful for them.
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
We still need Justice for Ryan Cooper. Please come forward if you have any information. As Russell Crowe said in the Gladiator “We will have our vengeance, in this lifetime or the next.”
Justice for Ryan Cooper. No one will forget him and we will search for the person/persons responsible forever. The truth will come out and you will be held accountable.
When I write these blogs I have a thought in my head that I can only get out by putting the words down on paper. I think about things constantly as the world around me changes I analyze everything in real time deciding how I feel about it. This is just the way I’m wired I guess and it isn’t changing at this point. The reason I say that is because yesterday was a roller coaster of emotion on my 8-9 hour drive to Alabama to spend Thanksgiving with my brothers family. I lived here for a good amount of time before I moved to Charlotte so quite of people in this small community know me as the better looking, smarter, definitely more intelligent brother.
I witnessed a semi truck drive over a car in Atlanta. I was on the phone with a business, when 2 lanes over (6 lanes at this point) a car tried to drive under a semi and was driven over. My immediate response was ”Oh My God” and I’m quite certain people lost their lives. It looked really bad, my heart broke for those involved, and I thought of their families getting ready for a fun holiday tomorrow/today with family only to have it become a tragedy. I drive A LOT. More than any of my friends. I’ve driven from Coast to Coast and from Canada to Mexico at least a dozen times. I am baffled by the horrible driving I witness daily.
Two hours after witnessing this accident I was caught up in traffic slowing to a stop and for the most part doing 5-10 mph for over 30 minutes. I finally got up to where the accident was only to see it was on the Northbound side of the Freeway. The only reason I was in stop and go traffic for 30 minutes was because looky-loos had to slow down and look at the crap sandwich on the other side of the freeway. I made a very sweet video about my feelings during this situation. If cursing offends you please don’t watch it. I believe in the 33 second video only 2 words are not cuss words. It is mostly for shock value and I hoped it would give my friends a laugh.
I made it to the exit in Southern Alabama and was only about 7 minutes from my LA (Lower Alabama) home. I pulled up to a very familiar intersection where lots of flashing lights were going on as the fire department was out directing traffic and not letting people turn left. I was going right at this T intersection, but still rolled down my window to confirm that was okay. I asked ”Can I go right??” and got this response from a sassy firewoman ”I don’t know, can you???”.
Clearly she knew who I was. FknBucky is famous. Thought you knew. I asked if my not as good looking as me brother was at the accident and she replied ”yes”. I asked if it was bad and she again said ”yes”. Little Brother has been on the volunteer fire department for almost a decade now and has seen a lot of bad things. Being this close to the freeway he has seen things most of us pray daily we will never have to witness. This part of the blog is going to be hard to read. People need to understand the consequences of doing stupid crap in a car.
The driver of the car thought it would be a good idea to pass other cars on this two lane highway. Accelerating to well over the speed limit the driver pulled out in the oncoming traffic lane and started to pass other drivers. I know this stretch of road and there is a town in about 10 miles. Even if they could do 80 miles an hour the whole way a person maybe would arrive 45 seconds sooner, but I’ll let you judge if that 45 seconds was worth the gamble. What is the wager Bucky?? Well, if you win you arrive to the 25 mile an hour zone and stop light 45 seconds sooner than if you had just drove the speed limit. If you lose people in your vehicle die.
While passing the cars it is believed a car came at this car so to avoid a head on collision the driver had to swerve quickly back into the correct lane. When they did this at extremely unsafe speeds this driver drove straight into the back of another vehicle. The vehicle lost control, flipped and rolled, and got all kinds of smashed up before finally coming to a rest. There were very bad injuries to the people in that all vehicles involved. I know of a similar accident where all 4 teenagers in the car were decapitated. Easily avoidable incidents like this happen way to often. In fact a few years ago about a couple hundred yards from my brothers house a group of kids were going to fast, swerved to miss a dog, lost control of the vehicle when it hit a concrete power line pole, and two 15 year old kids died. I wrote about that in a blog the day after.
I would much rather write a blog about being thankful for all the good in your life today. The truth is you should be thankful for everything. Instead I’m awake at 4 AM with this on my mind making it impossible to sleep until I get this out of my head. Just slow down. I see cars everyday that weave from one lane to the next cutting people off, passing on the right, and just driving like an asshole only to take the next exit. If this is you – KNOCK it off. If you constantly gamble the lives of people in your car and the lives of people in cars around you it is only a matter of time that you will lose the bet.
Life is beautiful. It is a gift. It is fragile and NOT guaranteed. It could be over too soon, but gambling your life on the way to Walmart is simply stupid. I write about this with a heavy heart, but if one person thinks about this blog, takes my advice to slow down, and not drive like an idiot it will be worth it. Please share this message with people you care about. The families of all the people involved in the accidents yesterday should be having a great day cooking a turkey today. Instead they are in shock, heartbroken, and possibly planning a funeral. 45 eff’ing Seconds…….
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
Please take a moment to thank the volunteer Firemen/Firewomen and the volunteer Ambulance folks. They see things no one should have to witness and give their time to take care of others.
Army SPC Jeremiah Collins, says goodbye to his wife Angela (R) and daughters Skkye Collins (L) and Shyla Collins (2-R)
Yesterday I talked about respecting those that gave up everything for the idea of freedom. You can disagree with anything you want in America because you are free to do so. You don’t have to blindly agree with everything our government does, has done, or will do in the future. In fact it is your job as a citizen to question them, all of them, Donald Trump and Joe Biden, just because your “guy” or “gal” is in charge doesn’t mean they get a free pass to do whatever they want. I read a lot. I’ve read so many stories about incredibly brave men and women from all kinds of backgrounds that I know strength has nothing to do with race, gender, age, sexuality, or physical ability. I can’t do a push up, but I’m the strongest person you might ever meet. Or not.
To call me strong is easy. You see a wheelchair, think about how much it must suck, how sad or depressed you would be if it happened to you, and then label me as strong because I have a smile on my face. That isn’t strength, it is survival. I only have so many days left on Earth. It could be 1 more day or 10,000 more days, but I’m not going to waste them feeling sorry for myself about things I can’t change. Want to know real strength?? Go talk with the mother of 3 young children who’s husband is in harms way serving our country 6,494 miles from home. Yes I googled the distance from Charlotte, NC to Fallujah, Iraq. Keeping it real on FknBucky.
The families of our heroes need to be remembered on this Memorial Day as well. A friend of mine growing up lost her brother who was serving the USA when he was killed in a helicopter accident. I don’t know if she reads this blog or not, but I dedicate today’s blog to her brother and their family. His name is John Kaye and he was a hero. I bring it up to let her know a lot of people acknowledge the huge sacrifice he made to make sure the rest of us are safe and free. I didn’t know him well on a personal level, but I vow to never forget his name or sacrifice.
It is easy to forget the real reason for Memorial Day, but the families left behind to try and make sense of it all don’t have the luxury to forget. Commenting on a Meme in between beers 2 and 3 is not honoring those that gave their life in defense of our country. You don’t have to agree with the war, the military, or any of it, but you must understand these individuals believed in America enough to die for it. The sadness and the loss never really go away. It is impossible to understand the pain associated with loss like that unless you’ve been through it. We all hope you don’t experience that kind of grief.
Memorial Day is more than brats on a grill. More than having your first beer at 9 AM. It is important to take a few minutes, look around your life, and appreciate all that you have. Regardless of the hardships you have going on in your life, you are still here with the opportunity to change your life. The opportunity to read a book, start a business, have a family, or anything else you would like to do. Those that gave up their lives so we could be free don’t have the opportunity to do any of those things. Show your respect by living a full life. Chase your dreams. Hold those you love and tell them you love them often.
I’m very sorry that John Kaye lost his life serving our country. He was way too young and I know how much his sister and family loved him. He is missed by many and never forgotten. So remember him today, remember all of our fallen heroes, and don’t forget to honor the families that have lost their brother, son, Uncle, sister, daughter, or Aunt. Those labels came long before we called men like John a soldier, a Marine, a sailor, or any of the other terms used to describe service members.
I try to write about things that are meaningful and tell some jokes along the way. With a country so divided I hope that regardless of where you fall left or right you can take a moment to remember a hero that didn’t give his life to democrats or republicans. He gave his life for Americans. The least you can do is spend the day being just that. An American. An American that can see all the good we do together as a country. You have 364 other days to hate and trash the USA. Just for today drink your beers, eat the brats, and embrace the idea of freedom so many brave men and women died for.
Monday. I was blessed to have family in town over the weekend. I love when any of my family comes to visit simply because life short, kids grow up super fast, and it is just nice to recharge with people you love. I am very lucky to have a ginormous awesome family that loves to laugh, eat great food, and enjoy the simple things in life. Mainly because we can’t afford the complicated things so we lie to each other saying this is what we actually want….
Okay that isn’t true. If you have caught on, one of the running themes or things that I repeat a lot is the value of time. It is our most precious currency. You can’t buy more of it, you can’t borrow some from another person, and the clock never stops ticking. I can guarantee you that it will run out. You like everyone else on Earth will run out of time. There are a lot of benefits to reminding ourselves often of this simple fact. You only have so much time. Once you understand this you can move to the next step of saying “I’m not wasting anymore” because wasting time is crazy town.
Compare time to actual cash for a moment here with me. You have $1,000 dollars and you will never get more than that. Would you give $100 to a stranger that disagrees with you about anything?? The keyboard warrior in you must win the argument on FB between you and the 2nd cousin of a guy you used to work with. Here you go Bryan (annoying 2nd cousin people are always named Bryan and they insist on spelling it with a Y) take my money that I’ll never get more of. Money well spent?? Seriously why waste the time and energy??
Now don’t forget poor me time. That is easily worth $250 in our time/money scenario we are currently discussing. How are people supposed to feel sorry for you if you don’t cry to anyone that will listen. Your problems are bigger and harder than everyone else’s so it makes sense to complain about them. Strong sarcasm there if you missed it. It is so important to reflect daily, weekly, and annually to realize exactly how much time you spend on this. I can’t imagine when standing at the pearly gates of Big Bang Theory anyone would say “Wow, I wish I had spent more time feeling sorry for myself.” Get up everyday like a champ with no snooze button, brush the crybaby crap off of you, and go make something happen for yourself. Sitting at home being a keyboard warrior waiting for the “great life stork” to bring you one is a bad plan. A really bad plan.
Let’s not forget the anger and “outrage” that comes up every time you check the news. How much time and money would like to spend freaking out on these things you can’t control?? Another $250?? Maybe only $200 here. I mean hey you got to hate the people that are out there hating. It is a scientific fact that the only thing that will stop hate is “good” hate and you are full of it!! By hating all day you have zero effect on you and those around you. When you are using good hate everyone is in a better mood. More sarcasm. Hate is hate and when you carry it around normal people can see it and they want no part of it. You know who wants to get a look at that hate filled sack on your back?? Other people with hate sacks weighing them down. There is no doubt you start to become the people you surround yourself with. Make sure the people in your circle know how to smile.
We haven’t gotten to actual happy times and over half your money is gone. Remember there are no redos and no ATM to get more when you are running out. Still think it isn’t important to take a moment to reflect on how your “money/time” are being spent?? When you get into a groove in life, each day mirrors the one prior, each week looks the same, and suddenly five years go by and that “groove” is a rut that has you sucked in. With no clue what to do at this point you simply hit the gas, spin the tires like mad, but still only end up in a deeper rut on the same damn road. That’s a bummer man.
How do I get out of the rut Bucky?? I want to spend my money on cool stuff. Good. Spend $300 finding ways to help others. Helping others in life is how you change your life around. I don’t know how or why it works that way, but it does. The more kindness you show, the more help and selfless acts you do for others, and staying away from the hate sack people (I personally love this term now and will use it often) will make your life more fulfilling and enjoyable. Easy way to prove me wrong. Do this for one month and then tell me I’m full of shit. I dare you!
Truthfully I don’t even know if the money analogy works in this blog, but I have no time to think of a new one today. Haha. See what I did there. Time is precious. That is the point. I write this as a reminder to myself more than anything. They say to best way to remember/learn something is to teach it. Whoever they are nailed that one. Although sometimes “they” say eat Taco Bell and that group of they are liars. Just kidding not really. I hate Taco Bell. There I said it. Now my hate sack has a Taco Bell sticker on it. Dang it.
Want to know the secret to life?? Make life fun for the people around you. Mess with people. You don’t have to be vicious or mean, but mess with their head a little bit. The first and most important step is to learn how to laugh at yourself. This is also a skill. Stop taking the “life” thing so seriously. No one gets out alive. You only get so much time. Here is the deal if you make an effort to make people in your inner circle feel good about themselves and laugh, your life improves. Now ready for the real mind blowing simplistic fact?? Imagine if everyone did that. If everyone on planet Earth could stop thinking about themselves and scheming on how to get more for ME the whole world could change overnight.
In the military the soldiers don’t fight for freedom back home, or for the right for some jerk to be able to burn the American flag, but for their brothers next to them. They put it all on the line for the guy/gal on their left and right. Freedom and flag burning jackhole are the results of this brotherhood and trust between those on the battlefield. When the bullets start flying they fight to keep the ones next to them safe and understand that those 2 people are doing the exact same thing. Together they are stronger and do not bend.
We don’t have any bullets flying at us or it doesn’t happen to often anyway, but we do have sour puss people in our lives that simply want to drag you and anyone else around them down into the poor me level. Don’t give in. It sucks down there. Say enjoy your trip into crybaby land, throw up some deuces, and be like peace out. Then avoid that crappy person for the rest of your life. Don’t worry they will find some other sucker to listen to the constant bitching, and together they can wallow around in the “world is too hard” mud together.
The world isn’t hard, you’re just a human that gets exactly what you deserve. You think negative, creating a basket full of crap thoughts, and then throw your negative seeds everywhere you go. Sooner or later that first negative seed starts to grow. And then another grows. And another. Pretty soon you have created a big fat negative forest that you live in. Of course you cry to anyone that will listen about how did this happen?? You freaking created it. That is what happened. You wanted the poor me sympathy from anyone who would willingly give it to you and then you just kept going. There is no one to blame but yourself and I’ll believe that until I’m killed by a gang of Chinese hookers at the age of 56 while out for a morning jog. Never ask a witch in the forest how you die. Lesson learned here the hard way.
Learn to smile. Learn to look at setbacks as learning opportunities. Learn to embrace others in your life warmly and leave your BS at the door. They don’t want to hear it. We all have stuff to deal with. You’re not special. I will gladly help anyone that needs it when I’m in a position to do so. You can ask anyone that knows me personally I am one of the first people call because they know I will help if possible and that I won’t hold back if I feel they need a kick in the ass. Don’t ask to borrow money. Chinese friends are expensive so I have no extra cash. The reason nobody likes you is because you don’t like yourself. It is sad and I wish it wasn’t the truth for so many, but when you have all this negative energy spewing out of you it is impossible to be happy alone because you suck.
So fix it and stop complaining about how you never catch a break all the time. The breaks are there. They always are, but when you are hell bent on crying about “poor me” those opportunities roll right on by to the next person ready to take advantage of them. Good things happening don’t come with a flashing light and hundred dollar bills raining from the sky which is what your lazy whining butt wants. No. They come in the shape of hard work, waking up everyday and getting after it, and believing in yourself. I can think of a dozen people I would like to tattoo this message on their chest, but I don’t waste my time anymore. If you aren’t willing to fix yourself, I’m not giving my energy to you. Nope, I say hello politely and then move on because my life is short and I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity I can identify. Wasting anytime in the crybaby mud hole isn’t for me.
So get after it. Smile A LOT. Help others. Go out of your way to help those that appreciate it, but always expect nothing in return. Expecting nothing means you can feel good about your deed and not have the let down thoughts like “I was sure person X would go on Facebook and tell everyone how great I am for helping.” If this is what you want stay home. You don’t get it. Simply put be happy you’re a good person inside and let that be enough because in the grand scheme of things this is the ONLY thing that truly matters.
Be kind to others and remember random acts of kindness make you a better person.
Okay it isn’t morning anymore, but I went back and forth on publishing this. I question how much I want to share about my personal shit, but in the end if I can help one person say “You know I could do better..” then it is completely worth it.
Friday morning. I’ve been up for a few hours already as my leg spasms have been brutal lately. They will literally kick nonstop until I get up. Worst alarm clock ever. The smile you see me with takes work. It is easy to be in a pissy mood or upset at things that are not perfect in life. It isn’t like I wake up, put my happy to be paralyzed pants on, and come out into the world to be an inspiration to you. Nope that is not how it works.
Usually my legs start kicking around 4 am. This followed by me rolling over 20 times praying I’ll find the perfect position to let me sleep another couple hours. It has been 18 years and that position is still a mystery to me, but I’m no quitter and still try every morning. Once I get angry enough I usually curse my legs, the bed, air, Obama, Trump, and anything else I can think of until I focus on Annabel. Then I have to use my nice voice or she thinks she is in trouble. Next time I train a dog I’m going to make yelling angry Bucky my normal voice and she will be in trouble when I start talking like a pansy.
I usually spend 10-15 minutes trying to get my pants on first thing in the day. My spasms make it extremely difficult as they fight me every inch. Annie also thinks my pants are the greatest tug of war partner ever. I mean my legs kick at her while she is fighting my pants so she is like game on!! It is funny cause I tell her no every time, but she always be back again. I guess she is no quitter either. My morning spasms are so strong that I have to back up next to a wall, my bed, or anything while putting pants on because they will spasm violently causing me to fall over backwards. This has happened more times than I can count. When I go over backwards I know my head is going to hit hard and then right after my paralyzed leg/knee comes down also hitting me square in the nose which freaking hurts. This creates next level anger and cursing. A kid once asked me how many swear words Murphy knew. I answered all of them.
I have my moment laying on the floor, then i figure out a plan to get back into my chair, and get it done. I don’t share this for sympathy or for anyone to say “oh poor Bucky” because that is not needed. I share for two reasons with the first being getting things out of my head. Once I tell someone or put it down on paper I can forget about whatever it is that has my panties all twisted up. The other reason is it is good for everyone to be reminded that your “stuff” is not all that bad. Whatever you have going on it can always be a 1,000 times worse. So enjoy your Friday. Enjoy your weekend. Most of all enjoy your life.
It is always a choice on how you approach the day. How you interact with other people is a choice which you get to make every single day. If you have been a negative asshole (You know who you are) your entire life the best thing is you can change TODAY. Boom just like that. Good things come to those that expect them. I’m not going to let something as trivial as putting my pants on ruin my day. That would be be stupid. How does that conversation go??
Person: “How you doing Bucky?”
Me: “Worst day ever. I had a hard time putting my pants on. My life sucks.”
Person: “Ahh okay. Well I got to go. Hope you get better.” Walks away muttering “Fucking weirdo.”
Just doing that there makes me able to see things for what they really are. Stupid little things that need to be forgotten the moment it is over. Not dragging that shit around with me all day. If you read the blog about anger you will get this reference. I take that anger brick about pants and I throw that bitch back. I’m blessed in the fact I have pants. I have a ton of them. High quality pants. I grew up poor on the farm with only 2 pairs of pants. Good pants for church and barn pants that were covered in shit all the time.
I am not willing to give up the good things I have in life because putting pants on is hard. It most likely isn’t pants in your life, but there is something that gets you daily. Choose to let it go instantly. Don’t let it grow roots or start attaching itself long term. Identify whatever that shit is and say okay that happened, but I’m moving on with a smile. Take this exact moment to do a random act of kindness for a stranger. You will forget about all the trivial shit in a heartbeat.
Do kind things. Always. Life will be instantly better.
It’s 3:15 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Maybe I should stop drinking this Red Bull, but then making good decisions has never been something I do. Sleep is for the dead I say, and the extremely hung over which I am not today. First time for everything.
I worked late on Friday and have had this person on my mind ever since. Guess I’ll write about it and share this incredible story with the three people that read this. I met a girl a while back thru my job that has a traumatic brain injury (TBI) and has a tough road ahead. When you first meet her it is heartbreaking as she can’t speak, can’t move, and can’t much of anything.
She is young, beautiful, and is still an active duty United States soldier. She was hurt serving this country and is paying a price for your freedom that you would have never known about unless I typed these words today. Meeting her filled me with raw emotion, overwhelmed me with this powerful image, and to me she is an American hero.
The pictures on the wall tell a story of a gorgeous redhead that is full of life and always smiling. Her young daughter with the trademark red hair running around outside with a pack of 4 other kids and 3 dogs. Quite a sight to see. She is surrounded by one of the greatest families I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and that is saying something. I can’t stress enough how wonderful they all are, which is what it takes to work thru something so hard.
I’ve stopped by and met with the family multiple times now over the last 5 months and it is one of the best parts of my new job. I work in sales and sell durable medical equipment that helps people like this young soldier. I know how life changing it can be to find and use the right equipment when faced with challenges in life. Her mother worked tirelessly with the VA to get the government to pay for certain items that will make a difference in her life. There should be no red tape in a case like this, but that blog we will save for another day. I can’t stress enough how impressive this family is. Never give up should be their last name.
So while you are complaining about the line being to long at Starbucks, the traffic on the way to the office, or what a certain politician said about something remember that the struggle is very real for some. Everyday they wake up to the same hard shit, put on a smile, and do what needs to be done because that is what being American is about. At least in my humble opinion.
So on Friday evening I was there with the family, a nurse, and this young lady helping them pick out a new shower chair that will makes things easier. This is when I witnessed something astonishing. This young ladies mother told me I had to watch her give a kiss. I thought to myself how can she give a kiss?? I sat there watching with my doubts clearly hidden inside of me, and that is when it happened.
Mom leaned over and this United States soldier with an incredible amount of effort slowly gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. Something you’ve done a thousand times and most likely don’t give it a second thought. Amazed, blown away, remarkable or any other adjectives I can think of simply don’t do enough to describe this moment in my life. Her head didn’t move, her arms didn’t come up, but her lips unmistakably came together and kissed her mother. It was the most beautiful kiss I have ever witnessed and I can’t imagine anything ever topping it. I even had these strange puddles form in my eyes that I’ve never experienced before.
I never thought I could be so moved by a simple kiss on the cheek, but it is an image I knew instantly that I would never forget and now I wanted to share it with you. Life is hard and for some it is extremely hard, but just remember somewhere out there somebody has it tougher and they are not quitting, bitching, or crying all day about why me. Your problems are yours, own them, and then solve them. If you’re a good person you will have plenty of people around that will gladly help you. If you’re not a good person, you’ve just identified your first problem to solve.
So thank a soldier, an airman, a Marine, a sailor and hell thank everyone around you for being alive today. It will make them feel good and you’ll be on your way to becoming a good person.
Godspeed to this young soldier and please keep her and the family in your thoughts and prayers.
It’s 3:15 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Maybe I should stop drinking this Red Bull, but then making good decisions has never been something I do. Sleep is for the dead I say, and the extremely hung over which I am not today. First time for everything.
FknBucky 