Posts Tagged ‘fight

22
May
25

Overcome

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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The fight continues. The show must go on. Never give up. Blah blah blah Just words. Maybe a poster one of your co-workers has up in their cubicle. My personal favorite is the one of the frog refusing to be eaten. It really does embody the thought of “never give up”. I’ll google it and put it at the start of the next paragraph. Pictures come last if you didn’t know.

If you’ve been absent the last few months let me catch you up. I’m fat. There you go. Okay now the rest of the story, shout out to Paul Harvey. After dying and coming back to life in May 24’ I was almost 300 lbs. I see photos from back then and I’m amazed at how much weight I allowed myself to gain, but my health issues made life extremely hard. I am paralyzed so the extra lbs caused me a lot of problems. I had to make some changes so I did. I started exercising, changed my diet, and set goals. Setting goals is as important as the other two. It is foolish to start a journey with no concept of a destination.

My first goal was to lose 50 lbs, then 75, now 100, and eventually 125 which will put me around 175 total. I also decided that I wanted to be able to do a pull up. Strap my chair to me or me to it rather and get my chin above the bar. Not the bar you take Jame-O shots from. Ha. To reach this goal I have to lose weight and gain strength. Hello weight lifting. I started with some dumbbells at home. 10 lb curls. It is a lot when you come off of life support so 3 sets of 10 with those small bells were all I could do at the beginning. I stuck with it. This AM I did 5 sets of 21 with 20 lb dumbbells. Sometimes I do 5 sets of 12 with 25 lbs. That is a massive improvement for about 7 months.

Yesterday I decided to hit the gym at my apartment complex to work on my chest using one of the machines. After my second set I probably pushed a bit too hard, I lost my balance, and fell off the darn machine to the floor. I was the only one there and screwed. I looked around to see what I could use to get back up and saw nothing. To myself I said “Oh Shenanigans, this is a bummer!” I was surprised as well. It isn’t very often I use such language…… I decided to crawl to a machine nearby with a little lower seat and of course I had to drag my chair along with me. I bet you didn’t think about that did you…..

Once there it became clear that plan was not going to cut it so I started to search again. I saw a treadmill and thought if I can get on that, scoot to the other end, I could be high enough to transfer back into my chair. Then I thought about other people walking into the gym and seeing my crippled ass sitting on the treadmill. Let that sink in for a second. Plenty of one liners would be good for that. I could say:

“Never hurts to try right??”

“I didn’t think this thru!”

This is how my brain works. Even while laying on the cement in the gym completely eff’d, I thought of jokes and made myself laugh. I would love for you to comment what you think I should have said. Be creative and remember it is only cruel, if it isn’t funny.

On my way to the treadmill I saw a different option. There was a bosu ball and a bench. I thought I can get on the bosu ball, climb onto the bench, scoot to the top, and then back into my chair. I made it over and the planned worked out perfectly. I worked up a sweat and about three minutes later another resident walked into the gym completely unaware of the absolute carnage I had just been thru. She smiled at me kindly seeing how sweaty I was and must have thought “Wow, that super insanely handsome wheelchair guy is really getting after it!” I’m not mind reader, but I’m pretty sure that is what she was thinking.

I was worried about using the machines in the gym because I might fall off one. It held me back. Was that fear justified?? Of course, but something beautiful happened yesterday. I learned that I have nothing to be afraid of. The worst happened and I over came it. Alone. I also know why I fell so I won’t make that mistake again, but if I do, I know how to handle it. We don’t overcome our fears by avoiding the things we are afraid of, we become stronger by facing those things head on and then making them our “beach”.

Know what else I learned?? How to spell Bosu Ball. Hmmmm. It was a really informative day.

FknBucky

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05
Mar
25

DJ deserves better

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Hump day. One of my favorites. I won’t waste a lot of your time today with witty roundabout sentences to get to my point. I spent 7 years volunteering at a childrens hospital in San Diego, opening a playroom from 6-8pm every Tuesday night. It was burdensome at times as anyone that makes any kind weekly commitment can relate to. I grew to love those Tuesdays for more reasons than I can ever put in a daily blog, but that isn’t exactly what I want to speak about today.

Over that 7 years I witnessed children battle horrid diseases for months and sometimes years. They were weak, pale, and moved very slowly while attached to machines that would beep all the time. They wore hospital gowns and slippers as they shuffled from one table to another trying to distract themselves from the crap reality they were stuck with. Those images and moments changed my life and EVERYONE should take the time to volunteer at some point in their lives to fully understand what I’m writing about.

Last night as President Trump acknowledged an extremely brave young man who has had 14 brain surgeries in his young life. At the age 8 years old DJ Daniel was diagnosed with brain cancer and I wouldn’t wish this battle on anyone in the world, and certainly not a child. DJ doesn’t vote. He isn’t a republican. He didn’t ask to have this fight. In fact he isn’t supposed to be alive. He was told he would die in 5 months, but somehow by the grace of God or Big Bang Theory this young man has defied the odds and was able to attend the joint address by President Trump last night.

I’m disgusted that anyone refused to stand, refused to applaud this incredible American, and acknowledge the strength he has shown to go thru everything he faced over the last 6 years. I’ve gone into surgery, faced death, and been in the hospital for months and I’ll tell you it sucks. It is scary. The world carries on while you’re stuck in a bed. You can hate President Trump all you want, but to not give this young man the respect he is due is indefensible. Anyone that tries to defend it can go love themselves as the Beibs would say.

President Trump was just parading him out there for propaganda Bucky! Who cares?? Does that mean his story is less incredible?? Would anyone have heard about it if he wasn’t mentioned last night?? I try to find positive things to write about and this is a positive story, but unfortunately 1/2 the room is so blinded by HATE they couldn’t see it. If this country can’t stand up together and say “We love you” to DJ then we have no hope to ever come together.

DJ doesn’t set foreign policy, he doesn’t set immigration policy, he doesn’t work for DOGE, he doesn’t vote, and he didn’t deserve to have 50% of the room sit stoically while the rest of the country cheered for him. I’m glad he had this moment. I’m so grateful President Trump took the time to honor this incredibly brave young American. If you’re not, I believe it is time to look in the mirror and ask yourself where things went wrong.

God Bless you DJ. Keep fighting as millions of Americans are behind you, praying for you, and hoping that dream of becoming a law enforcement officer comes true for you.

FknBucky

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02
Jun
24

No More Air for FknBucky

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Let’s face it you are all a bunch of sick puppies that want to know the details of FknBucky almost dying. You will get them because I promised to always be honest on here. It has been a very dark road and one I wish I could have avoided, but I will make jokes cause that is what I do. If I was about to be shot in the head, I would ask the shooter to promise to tell the hospital that I did NOT die of Covid. It is just who I am. Marry a funny man if you want to have a fun life. I’m taking apps (women only), bunch of savages….

FYI, My hand and arm are still numb and won’t work correctly. My strength is about 40%. Prayers and respect to all Quads. If you know a Quad or see one, give them an hug and say how amazing their strength is. Some of the strongest people on Earth. As my hand comes back I’ll be able to type and blogs will come faster.

On to dying. I was at home for days stuck in bed feeling sick. I couldn’t get up to take Annie outside or feed her. I could not get up to use the restroom properly and my home became a complete mess. It was overwhelming in so many ways and very disheartening to a person like me that demands the best from myself. To no longer have the strength to live with the independence I cherish came very close to crushing my spirit in the ultimate way. It hurt so much inside. I don’t care about pissing on myself as it happens when people get older and when a person is a paraplegic. The disheartening and soul crushing part was not being able to clean up myself.

My Mom (Carol – Thank You so much) came out to help after I admitted I was in a bad way. My breathing was horrid. I’ve been doing it for 45 years, but for some reason I could not get air. I had to sit cross legged with my head down to breathe. Imagine having to stay in one spot/position to get air. It sucked. Life was happening around me, with people coming and going, the lawn being mowed, packages coming, and I was a statue taking small breaths to simply stay alive. After a week, I called an ambulance. Have I ever mentioned how stubborn I am??

In the ER they found my kidney to be infected again. WOW. I could have told them that. I go thru the motions and get checked into room 7911. Small room. First time in my life I had…. Who knows. I started that sentence earlier and can’t remember what the heck I was planning to say. Oh now I do. Oxygen. First time they put the oxygen on me. It was weird. Didn’t get me high though like they say in fight club. Stupid hospital oxygen. I spent days in that room stuck in bed. No moving just fighting to breathe all day and night. Ma spent the night because it was so rough. My eyes were yellow, body beaten down, very little humor or smiles from me, just pain, hurt, and worry.

Day 4 or 5 I was up again. No sleep in the hospital. NONE. Remember my spasms were going crazy the entire time. They always wanted to lay me flat on my back , irritate the kidney, and make my legs & stomach go insane. My stomach spasms are so strong I can’t breathe when they go. It becomes a clamp on my lungs that makes taking a breath impossible. Think about how scary that would be. Sitting there minding your own business and WHAM you can’t bring air into your body with no idea when it will stop. Now imagine it happens a hundred plus times a day/night.

The clock was 6 AM. The nurse and doctor were talking about discharging me that day. My Mom and I insisted that would not be good for me. I told Mom that I would die if they sent me home as I could feel a lot was wrong still. Everything they were doing was not improving my situation. I couldn’t breathe and my spasms were still going crazy. Remember I had been struggling to breathe for weeks, but now it was real. I was gasping and using all the tiny bit of strength I had to get the smallest amounts of air. It is a crazy feeling to try so hard bring air in and get nothing over and over and over and over…. I was getting legit scared. I have a lot I want to do yet in life. I don’t want to die, not like this…. A fast car on a mountain road, spontaneous combustion, a crazy ex-girlfriend and a kid that ain’t mine, or my favorite going out with a smile at a decently old age after giving away every penny I have to those less fortunate than I am.

The more I struggled the more people came into my tiny room to watch me die. The door was a huge wooden one that the nurse and doctor kept shutting very hard which loud noises make my spasms go off making it double hard to breathe again. Once the doctor came in yelling at me and Mama bear yelled “Hey watch your TONE!!!” My Mom sat back and told me to trust the doctors, but when it goes too far this Farm Mama will stab you with a pitch fork.

Breath so bad it deserves 3 pictures.

The big time doctor came in. He had scrubs on and was a, well male, so you know he was in charge.. Oooo that will get some all stirred up. RELAX. Women are super important. Who else would hold stuff while the doctor works???? He was right up in my grill and clearly ate dog poo for breakfast. Worst breath ever. I was dying. He kept telling me to breathe but I was trying to blow his shit breath away. Take air in, no way, not smelling like that. Here comes death. All the money and time to train a doctor they can’t have one day to learn how to pop an ALTOID before getting in the face of a dying person. Heck, you have a woman right there ready to hold them for you. Ha.

If you mad at a couple men/women jokes this blog is going hurt long term. Take a breathe. Smile. See how easy that is. I couldn’t do it the other day. Don’t get upset at stupid words. If you do, you’ll never have a happy day. On to my death.

I had to see my Mom’s face as I going out. No one should ever have to see that. My Mom’s sad/crushed face while smelling shit breath from a doctor telling me to breathe like I somehow forgot in the last 6 seconds. Pretty much the worst way to go. I couldn’t speak anymore. Not sure if I would have said if I could have. Maybe “Goodbye Ma or Someone got a tic tac for dog shit breath doctor here??” It is a toss up. Then I ran out of gas. Completely. I stopped breathing. I had not one more gasp in me. I just stopped.

FknBucky

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15
Jun
22

Be Present

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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How you doing blog readers?? I want to start off saying thank you for supporting my dream and reading my words. I appreciate it very much. I was just out with Annie on a very hot night here in the Queen City. It is 9 PM and still almost 90 outside. I was sweating like crazy throwing the frisbee and had to use the headlight on my Companion (Scooter attachment to wheelchair/ Retail as low as $2,500) to see where to throw it. This insanely bright light also attracted every bug for a 3 block radius so that was super awesome also. I was sweating like a lady of the night in church, bugs all over, and a very happy dog that just wanted me to hurry up and throw the frisbee over and over and over.

I’m a good dog Dad and threw the frisbee many many times for the second time today actually. I put a lot of pressure on myself thinking every blog has to be the most amazing thing I’ve ever written, but that leads to me not blogging often. The person that is hardest and most demanding of me, is me. I set the bar high and will never stop trying to be better everyday. You know my philosophy of helping a stranger everyday without acknowledgement and one you may not know is I want to learn something new everyday. New skill, new word, new friend, new viewpoint, or whatever you want. To me learning is fun. I don’t understand people that refuse to read, refuse to try something different, refuse to talk to someone that disagrees with them (I mean TALK, not scream at or call names), and just grow as a person.

Zooming back from frisbee session I’m annoyed. I’m thinking the heat sucks, bugs suck, the guy in that car sucks, I hate that stupid bird over there, and not even realizing how negative my thoughts had become. I took the corner and saw downtown Charlotte all lit up which is pretty cool at night. My thought right then was “Man it is awesome being alive” and everything changed in an instant. Suddenly it wasn’t so hot, the bugs were gone, I still think the guy in the car sucks (not my fault he is a Ginger), and the bird was cool. His name was… Birds don’t have names or talk dummy. You guys/gals are gullible. ha. The reality was one simple view of the city got me back on the right path.

Life is a struggle. Accept that part of it. Fighting it or thinking somehow it will just get super easy one day is setting yourself up for guaranteed disappointment every time that nameless bird poops on your head. Hey, at least the Ginger didn’t poop on your head. My thought was I’m glad I’m present. What I mean by that is I was willing to let go of the junk and simply be present to recognize the blessings around me. I have an awesome dog, I have a great apartment in a fantastic city, I have a lot of great friends, and a wonderful family that I’m going to see in less than two weeks.

So I remind myself by writing this blog to be present in the moment. Enjoy the time we are blessed with on Earth. Be kind to others, compliment a random stranger on their shirt, shoes, car, hair, or whatever as it will make them stand a little taller and love their moment. A simple “wow, you look great today, that shirt is awesome” can make all the difference in the world to the right person. Hug your family and tell them how important they are to you. You don’t have to wait for a moment, a person, or anything to be a beacon of positivity in your life. BE THE POSITIVE.

It sounds so simple, but many many people on Earth will never get it or practice it.

Appreciate you all,

FknBucky

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The world misses you Ryan Cooper. You have not been forgotten and I pray everyday the horrible person that did this to you will be brought to justice.

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