Posts Tagged ‘health

18
May
25

GOD’S IN CHARGE

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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Go back and read Ice Cream Satan first. If you dare….

Been a few days. The whole parking thing really got to me. I don’t expect most of you to truly understand, but it becomes psychological warfare at times over those damn blue man spots. I’ve spent $1,500 in fines a towing fees since moving to Charlotte for parking in handicap spots and forgetting to put up a placard, having to swap my plate, or whatever other reason. Once my placard was only sitting on my dash, it snowed (usually happens 1 time a year here), covered the bottom of my windshield, and my car was towed costing me $300. The placard was clearly visible when I went to pick up the car because the snow had blown off the windshield during the drive.

I let it go yesterday and decided to move on. I gave those greedy pricks $180 of my hard earned money and closed the chapter on hating tow people. Not the book because I’m confident no matter how hard I try to never have an issue, I will slip up and they will be there to nail my ass to the cross. Never fails. In order to ensure I don’t get booted again I had to fast track my parking placards which meant I had to drive to my doctors office and wait for 2 hours for her to sign a form. The only way she would sign it is if I promised to come back the next day for an official visit. So stupid, I agreed.

I went back Friday morning for the appointment. The first question was “What brought me in to see the doctor?” Sometimes I want to punch the world. After this intellectually exhausting talk I took Annie to a patch of grass we always play on when I go to this office. The last few years have had me at the doctor office a lot as some of you know. After playing for a bit I of course had to pick up after Annie which I always try to do, but someone else isn’t so great at picking up after their dog. I rolled thru their poo to pick up Annie’s poo. I truly don’t understand the universe sometimes and yes there is a bigger point to all this so hold on and be amazed.

A friend of mine that has a non-profit asked if I would speak at his fundraiser Friday night about volunteering and staying positive. Perfect timing right. I gave the talk, but forgot to turn the sound on so the FB live video was pointless although it did show me that all my dieting has been paying off. I’m clearly MUCH lighter in that video. In fact I was amazed by it. So much so that today when ordering groceries I ordered Ice Cream. I thought Eff this week, I deserve it, and got my two favorite flavors. Bryers Mint Chip and BJ – Half Baked. Both are delicious and I haven’t had sugar since Easter so why not cheat a bit.

Well God has a different plan. Say what you will, but there is real purpose going on here. I’m meant to do this darn pull up and learn from all this hardship. Maybe I’m being tested to get thru problems without grabbing a crutch. I hit submit on the order and then dozed off in my recliner while watching tv. I woke up to Annie barking at the door. Ugh I thought. I had to wake up from nap time and get the groceries inside. Can’t let the ice cream melt..

I brought all the bags in and thought “Hmmm where is the ice cream.” There was none. Both flavors I asked for were out of stock and the delivery company refunded my money instead of getting a replacement. I’m in awe of the situation actually. It never happens this way. All the fruit, veggies, chicken, and healthy crap I ordered came thru just fine. Only the sugar was canceled by Big Bang Theory. I took a screenshot of my phone once I double checked what happened.

I will end with this. Humanity failed me this week. I was let down by people I care about, people I don’t like very much, and people I’ll never meet. The common theme is people. They pushed me to a breaking point and I’m not proud of that, but it is reality. I also know I’m not alone and that all of you have been there and will be again someday. I say this to myself and you. God is in control. He has a plan. I will reach this goal and the others I’ve set for myself. When I am doing the pull up it will be because God’s hand is lifting me.

FknBucky

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11
Mar
25

Perfect

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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What is up?? Let’s get right into today. Being the best. I strive for it in everything I do. I’ve had many people tell me that I’m the type of person that is good at everything I do. Maybe not riding motorcycles, but we can all agree that day sucked. I do however take pride in my work, my play, my ability to think, and all the other things that come about in my life. I believe everyone should think this way. They should take pride in their work, their marriage, their kids, their home, and their body. Ahhh you knew I was going to get there.

I’m on this health kick if you haven’t noticed. My perfection can become a downfall and I have to take notice before it starts to chip away at the progress I have made. I have this tick in my brain that wants all of my activities to be the absolute best every single time, but that has created a mountain that can’t always be climbed. In fact it stops me from even putting on my climbing shoes. I somehow decide if I can’t do it perfectly, I should just not do it. Sounds kinda stupid once I type it out.

I want the weight loss. I want the energy. I want to feel good about myself. I think about working out, but then I have thoughts like I’m tired, I’m not feeling that awesome, I’m this/I’m that, or I’m just being a pansy. If I can’t do my workout like a beast then I should just wait until I feel better. That is quitter mentality. The truth is right there in front of me, but I’m not wanting to see it. This week has been a hard one, but I pushed thru and learned a very important lesson.

Who cares. Who cares if I’m not 100% into the workout every single day. What matters is I complete it. Maybe it takes an extra 22 minutes. Maybe I have to take an extra break here and there. The importance is that I simply DO IT. The mental win is better than “killing it”. My heart fills up with self pride every time I finish no matter how much time it took or how I looked doing it. I know I took another step up that mountain and nobody can stop me from completing the climb. Nobody, but myself that is.

We’ve all heard the slogans. Just do it. Never give up. Keep trying. Blah blah blah. It is all crap if you don’t put your shoes on. If those slogans worked every American would be in shape right now. It is hard to do what I’m currently doing. Way harder than I originally thought, but I don’t care how difficult it is. I’m going to succeed. I weighed myself today and I’m down 8 lbs in a month. I wish it was more, but that will come.

Perfection is the goal, but I had to learn that the path leading to it is filled with imperfections. That is a very deep sentence so instead of telling you to read it again, I’m going to type it out again.

Perfection is the goal, but I had to learn that the path leading to it is filled with imperfections.

FknBucky.

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12
Feb
25

Russian Pothead

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Got another Pothead back from Russia. Maybe Americans should stop smuggling weed into that country so we don’t have to beg Putin to get them back. Just a thought. Not really my thing for this blog these days, but I will do a quick FknBucky public service announcement: Don’t take weed, marijuana, herb, green, wacky tabacky, or ganja into Russia. Pfffft! Easier said than done says 22 year old Bucky. For the record 22 year old Bucky was so cool.

I’ll be honest I don’t know much about the guy, but I’m happy for him and his family. I traveled in Europe about 10 years ago and I was very aware that I wasn’t in my homeland. I was in a different place with their rules and I’m considered a risk taker by many, but I promise I didn’t F around because I didn’t want to find out. I’m not going to pick on this guy. Haha. Of course I am. Doing drugs is stupid, doing them in other countries with VERY strict laws is really really dumb.

Don’t take weed to Russia. Don’t do heroin in Malaysia because they will kill you. Same with Saudi Arabia, yeah, you get the death penalty for selling drugs there. I made lots of bad decisions growing up and it is what it is. I’m not proud of some of those choices, but they got me to where I am right now today. All things aside I’m alive, mostly healthy, and I have the greatest family along with some of the greatest friends a human could ask for from all over the world. I’m not sure what the title will be at this point because I have no idea where this is going to end up.

Truth is I want to be in the habit of writing everyday. Scratch that I write everyday, but I want to publish everyday. I think it is important to keep me on track. The messages I put in these blogs are my accountability mirror. I read this 50 times by the time I publish it. Think back to the messages in my blogs and now imagine if you read that message fifty times a day. We are what we consume. You are what you eat. Funny joke right, but it is true. Same is true with your mind.

If you listen to songs about drugs, drinking, and sleazy habits all day that is what you will think about. Let’s go on this new obligation journey together. Try listening, reading, and speaking things that are positive and will keep you uplifted throughout the day. I assure you that it works and will make a difference in your daily life. Give it a shot. Or….. Grab some blunts and fly to Russia for the weekend. Twenty-two year old Bucky just might meet you at the airport.

FknBucky

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Make others around you happy and better off. I promise your life will improve in so many ways. This includes random acts of kindness. Trust me it is an addiction worth having.

24
Jul
24

Build him a Statue

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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I’m mad today. I could write ten blogs with all that has happened, but sitting down to put the events of the day into written words reminds me to let go. I say it all the time in these short stories asking all of you to set down the anchors of anger you are carrying, but here I brought one home with me. I promise by the time this blog is over so will my anger. I will share with you though because keeping things inside is the largest cause of becoming weighted down.

I went to the doctor today and have a clean bill of health. Kidney is out. Infection is gone. I feel better than I have in 15 years. If I wrote it all out in detail only 3 of you would actually read it all, but after a very very hard battle I am relatively healthy. Missing a kidney and I’m 45 years young, but the doctor said I look amazing. I agree.

Leaving the doctors office I played with Annie for over an hour and then went to get into my van. I waited as a guy backed into the spot next to mine. This particular doctors office is always busy. Very busy. For some reason the parking garage only has 4 blue man spots and most times when I go there they are full so I park way up in no man land. I don’t care about that. Today I got one of the 4. The guy I waited for was about 25 years old, jumped out of his car, made sure to not make eye contact with me, and then jogged towards the entrance. Not on my watch. I yelled out “Hey, you forgot your placard!!” He turned around and started saying “My Mom, and this and that”, but I wasn’t having it. I called him out.

He called me a “Beach Butt N-word” (I’m sure you can decipher) along with saying I don’t care if you’re in a wheelchair. I promise at no point was I scared of him. I could see his eyes and he was no tough guy. I laughed and said “The only Beach Butt is you not being able to walk an extra 100 feet”. He jumped in his car and drove away because a crowd was starting to form at this point. I got in my van and left about 5-10 minutes later. I saw him waiting for me across the street in another parking lot and sure enough he pulled behind me. Once he was able to pulled up next to me, threw a cup of ice at me, and then in an exceptional show of strength threw the paper cup at me. Well my van. That is scratched up from years of wheelchair in and out. He really showed me.

F him. F anyone that parks illegally in a blue man spot. One minute after he left an elderly couple used that spot and an old man using a walker went towards the entrance. I don’t regret for a second speaking up for what is right. I only hope that others do the same. A-holes like this guy act this way because they can. I say who cares who is president. We can make our communities kind again. Speak up. There are WAY MORE of us good people than jerks in the world. We have to stop letting anyone get away with behavior like this because it usually only takes one embarrassment to learn a lesson. I hope he tells everyone the story about how a guy in a wheelchair called him out so he waited 10 minutes to throw ice at his car. I bet they will build statues of this guy.

I won’t be afraid. I won’t be bullied. I WILL speak up.

FknBucky

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P.S. I’m not angry anymore. Ha. Bet you forgot about that.

02
Jun
24

No More Air for FknBucky

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Let’s face it you are all a bunch of sick puppies that want to know the details of FknBucky almost dying. You will get them because I promised to always be honest on here. It has been a very dark road and one I wish I could have avoided, but I will make jokes cause that is what I do. If I was about to be shot in the head, I would ask the shooter to promise to tell the hospital that I did NOT die of Covid. It is just who I am. Marry a funny man if you want to have a fun life. I’m taking apps (women only), bunch of savages….

FYI, My hand and arm are still numb and won’t work correctly. My strength is about 40%. Prayers and respect to all Quads. If you know a Quad or see one, give them an hug and say how amazing their strength is. Some of the strongest people on Earth. As my hand comes back I’ll be able to type and blogs will come faster.

On to dying. I was at home for days stuck in bed feeling sick. I couldn’t get up to take Annie outside or feed her. I could not get up to use the restroom properly and my home became a complete mess. It was overwhelming in so many ways and very disheartening to a person like me that demands the best from myself. To no longer have the strength to live with the independence I cherish came very close to crushing my spirit in the ultimate way. It hurt so much inside. I don’t care about pissing on myself as it happens when people get older and when a person is a paraplegic. The disheartening and soul crushing part was not being able to clean up myself.

My Mom (Carol – Thank You so much) came out to help after I admitted I was in a bad way. My breathing was horrid. I’ve been doing it for 45 years, but for some reason I could not get air. I had to sit cross legged with my head down to breathe. Imagine having to stay in one spot/position to get air. It sucked. Life was happening around me, with people coming and going, the lawn being mowed, packages coming, and I was a statue taking small breaths to simply stay alive. After a week, I called an ambulance. Have I ever mentioned how stubborn I am??

In the ER they found my kidney to be infected again. WOW. I could have told them that. I go thru the motions and get checked into room 7911. Small room. First time in my life I had…. Who knows. I started that sentence earlier and can’t remember what the heck I was planning to say. Oh now I do. Oxygen. First time they put the oxygen on me. It was weird. Didn’t get me high though like they say in fight club. Stupid hospital oxygen. I spent days in that room stuck in bed. No moving just fighting to breathe all day and night. Ma spent the night because it was so rough. My eyes were yellow, body beaten down, very little humor or smiles from me, just pain, hurt, and worry.

Day 4 or 5 I was up again. No sleep in the hospital. NONE. Remember my spasms were going crazy the entire time. They always wanted to lay me flat on my back , irritate the kidney, and make my legs & stomach go insane. My stomach spasms are so strong I can’t breathe when they go. It becomes a clamp on my lungs that makes taking a breath impossible. Think about how scary that would be. Sitting there minding your own business and WHAM you can’t bring air into your body with no idea when it will stop. Now imagine it happens a hundred plus times a day/night.

The clock was 6 AM. The nurse and doctor were talking about discharging me that day. My Mom and I insisted that would not be good for me. I told Mom that I would die if they sent me home as I could feel a lot was wrong still. Everything they were doing was not improving my situation. I couldn’t breathe and my spasms were still going crazy. Remember I had been struggling to breathe for weeks, but now it was real. I was gasping and using all the tiny bit of strength I had to get the smallest amounts of air. It is a crazy feeling to try so hard bring air in and get nothing over and over and over and over…. I was getting legit scared. I have a lot I want to do yet in life. I don’t want to die, not like this…. A fast car on a mountain road, spontaneous combustion, a crazy ex-girlfriend and a kid that ain’t mine, or my favorite going out with a smile at a decently old age after giving away every penny I have to those less fortunate than I am.

The more I struggled the more people came into my tiny room to watch me die. The door was a huge wooden one that the nurse and doctor kept shutting very hard which loud noises make my spasms go off making it double hard to breathe again. Once the doctor came in yelling at me and Mama bear yelled “Hey watch your TONE!!!” My Mom sat back and told me to trust the doctors, but when it goes too far this Farm Mama will stab you with a pitch fork.

Breath so bad it deserves 3 pictures.

The big time doctor came in. He had scrubs on and was a, well male, so you know he was in charge.. Oooo that will get some all stirred up. RELAX. Women are super important. Who else would hold stuff while the doctor works???? He was right up in my grill and clearly ate dog poo for breakfast. Worst breath ever. I was dying. He kept telling me to breathe but I was trying to blow his shit breath away. Take air in, no way, not smelling like that. Here comes death. All the money and time to train a doctor they can’t have one day to learn how to pop an ALTOID before getting in the face of a dying person. Heck, you have a woman right there ready to hold them for you. Ha.

If you mad at a couple men/women jokes this blog is going hurt long term. Take a breathe. Smile. See how easy that is. I couldn’t do it the other day. Don’t get upset at stupid words. If you do, you’ll never have a happy day. On to my death.

I had to see my Mom’s face as I going out. No one should ever have to see that. My Mom’s sad/crushed face while smelling shit breath from a doctor telling me to breathe like I somehow forgot in the last 6 seconds. Pretty much the worst way to go. I couldn’t speak anymore. Not sure if I would have said if I could have. Maybe “Goodbye Ma or Someone got a tic tac for dog shit breath doctor here??” It is a toss up. Then I ran out of gas. Completely. I stopped breathing. I had not one more gasp in me. I just stopped.

FknBucky

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03
Dec
21

Tragedy and Smiles

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I want to share a story with you today. A very important one that I hope will open your eyes, your heart, and help motivate you to count your blessings instead of constantly wishing for more. There is a club that no one wants to join. There is no name for it, it has no leader, and it is guaranteed that all members wish they could unjoin. It is a club of tragedy. Accidents that change the body is the cost of membership. I became a member April 1st, 2002 and have been dealing with it every single day since. This isn’t my story though.

I volunteer because I am able to help and I know that. I offer my everything to the people I talk with at the rehab hospital. I will answer any questions no matter how personal, help with any equipment they may need or want to know about, and I’m happy to talk with family members that want to learn/understand how to best help the loved one that is going thru this physical nightmare. I’ve probably talked with at least few hundred confused/scared people over the years and I’m very proud of that.

Travis and Staci Hoyle gave me permission to use their real names in this blog. Travis was injured a couple months ago and is currently using a wheelchair. I want to express one thing here very strongly. It isn’t your business how it happened. Don’t ask. Ever. It is not okay. Don’t say I’m one of those people that just blurt it out. Travis will tell you if he wants to. Instead do something easy. Talk to him like you would without the chair. He is the same person today as he was 6 months ago. Bust his balls, call him ugly, give him a hard time about driving a Nissan, or whatever else you normally do.

The Hoyle’s have a tough road ahead. It isn’t impossible, but it is hard and they will need that 4 wheel drive of his F150, (it is actually a 2004 Nissan 4×4 Supercharged) to get thru it. “Travis made sure I corrected that.” I have no doubts that they will. This is a strong family from what I have seen. Leave your pity at home. Nobody needs that crap. Bring your happiness, smiles, never give up attitude, and instead of asking for details on what happened say ”I know you got this and I’m here if you need anything.”

I see strength, fear, and determination in Staci and Travis’s eyes. It is okay to have fear because everything is new and we fear what we don’t know. The strength they have has nothing to do with lifting weights. True strength is in a persons mind, it is strong to accept reality, it is strong to smile first thing in the morning and say I can do this, it is strong to remember you’re not the only one going thru this, and most importantly it is strong to acknowledge other people are hurting as well. Pity parties are stupid and worthless so have a strength party. Challenge everyone around you to use the strength God gave them to overcome this obstacle. Once again I will say I have no doubt they will overcome this, but friends and family have a HUGE role to play to make that happen.

Unfortunately bad things happen to great people all the time. It is unfair and makes me want to scream at nothing sometimes. 20 years of membership and yes sometimes I still have moments of extreme weakness and anger. The key is to not live there. Accept the emotions, work thru them naturally, and get back to living your best life. Avoid the ”what if” hole because it simply leads to depression, anger, and regrets. What if I didn’t go, what if I didn’t stop for coffee, what if I didn’t date her, what if what if, and more what if. That is pointless because no matter how much you torture yourself it will not ever change the outcome.

You don’t have to be Travis and Staci to use the advice above. Everyone has hardships in life, hardship plays no favorites, and facing it head on is the right course of action. There is a benefit for Travis on Sunday. I’m told the 300 available tickets sold out very quickly. Money is always welcome and helpful, but kind words and genuine caring is fuel for the fighting spirit alive inside of Travis and Staci. This is not an easy road, but once again it is not impossible. The only thing different is Travis got a lot shorter and won’t be running up any stairs for a while.

Remember as this battle goes on that smiles and laughter are okay. In fact they are a must. Focus on the things that make you smile. Watching your kids succeed at anything. Holding your partner in front of a fireplace on a rainy night. Laughing with your friends while telling old stories. One of my best friends growing up and I would always yell when Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica came on. It is a random thing, but after my accident while having a tough moment in life that song come over the radio. I was instantly transported back in time and smiled gratefully that I was still alive to enjoy that memory. It is okay to be happy while dealing with tragedy. To this day every time I hear this song, I’m instantly 19 years old again, yelling at the radio with my friends while drinking a Busch Light.

It is easy to find reasons to be unhappy, mean, and ungrateful. True strength is when you put all those aside and find one reason to smile. You only need one. Kids, wife, family, friends, pets, food in your stomach, warm place to sleep, and so on. You can choose to be happy in horrible situations. In life when we are forced into situations beyond our control it is important to concentrate on the one thing we always have control of. Your Attitude. It is easy to smile at the end of the trip, but more important to keep that smile and positive attitude going during the journey no matter how long it may be.

I hope everyone who reads this will share it. You never know who needs to hear the message above. If you can donate money please do and then share this message. If you can’t send money I only ask you share this message so others will see it and be able to help.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/257mk-help-travis-hoylespinal-cord-injury?member=14697887&utm_campaign=contacts-v2-invite-to-donate&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=twilio

Count your blessings. Be grateful for the people in your life. Truly grateful for them.

FknBucky

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We still need Justice for Ryan Cooper. Please come forward if you have any information. As Russell Crowe said in the Gladiator “We will have our vengeance, in this lifetime or the next.”

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