Posts Tagged ‘kidney

27
Feb
25

Mmm Cupcake

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I am on a journey. I wrote about being obligated to myself instead of feeling motivated. I am passionate about it and not going to stop for anyone or anything. I work out daily and have been doing so for a few months now. I have stopped eating sugar because it is counterproductive and doesn’t help me reach my goal of losing 100 lbs. Yeah I let it go that far. When I was weighed in for my last cripple fight that will be shown on YouTube, I was 270 lbs. Obviously I’m kidding, it was only 267.

I won that fight, but lost a kidney in the process. I won because I’m still alive. In May 2024 I was on a ventilator in ICU for 3 days. Now I’m down 70 lbs with 30 more to go. The hard 30. I won’t be denied. I was always thinking “this is so hard, I don’t want to cut sugar, I need ice cream to be happy..”, but it was all BS inside my head. I had a long conversation with myself that went like this.

Bucky, you overcame the hardest thing in the world. You went on with life after being paralyzed. No one did that for me. Quite the opposite actually. Many people looked at me like I was already dead and their eyes said “if that was me, I’d kill myself”. Don’t think I never noticed. Ready for the point. I’m not those people. I’m exceptional. I’m stronger than you, them, everyone. I don’t care about your opinion or your false sympathy. Want to make my life better?? Donate your next paycheck to a cure for spinal cord injuries.

If any of that offends you, then it is you I’m talking about. Those people that truly care about me, knelt next to me, and saw the same looks. Back on topic. I did that, but I can’t stop eating sugar for a few months to get my weight down?? Stupid. I will reach this goal and I truly hope some of you join me for the trip. Not only will we reach one goal, but the strength and confidence we gain along the way will be truly priceless. Remember the goal is simply the cherry on top, the journey is the cupcake.

FknBucky

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06
Jul
24

The dark

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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What do we do when the mood is less than great?? When we don’t have a perfect photo to put up on IG or X?? When our friends are doing something cooler than we are??? When our health is hurting and it affects the happiness we wish we could find for the day?? The world tells us to make lemonade. We are told to suck it up and get back out there. FknBucky writes often about finding ways to make other people smile because that smile will come back. Today Bucky says sometimes you have to embrace the dark.

I’m not telling anyone to embrace depression and stay there. That is a very bad idea, but sometimes you have to experience the dark to remember how much you love being in the light. Nobody is “UP” all of the time, no matter how much cocaine you do. Just ask Elmo. My kidney was so infected it killed me the first week of May. I’m used to almost dying so I don’t have the “I’m going to live like no tomorrow BS” anymore and truthfully always have, but it is a good reminder to keep chasing my goals. I had that jerk kidney taken out a couple weeks ago. I was so hopeful for sunny skies and to be back after it again that I had a list of things to get after. Instead life kicked me in the nuts and the face just in case I didn’t get the message. I discovered a pressure sore on my butt.

My happiness deflated instantly. My family all had great plans for this weekend, but not me. I’m still healing from the kidney surgery with literal open wounds and now this pressure sore. I don’t want to say I was in “poor me” area, but more of an “Eff everyone else” area. My phone went to VM (I don’t listen to them FYI) and I had a couple pissed off days. I needed to accept this in my mind, formulate a plan to fix my problems, and then come out with a true I will over come this attitude. I will get this to heal and accepted my role in allowing it to happen. We all have to understand that spending some time in the darkness even on 4th of July weekend if needed be isn’t a bad thing.

This isn’t an easy thing to share, but I promised to be honest with everyone that reads this. I don’t share to hear the comments of “you can do it, you got this, or the stay strong”….. While those are not bad and needed sometimes, I’d rather hear/see “me too Bucky, I understand this, and glad I’m not alone” so that others can feel safe embracing the dark, but remember to not get lost there. You must come back out into the light and trust me you will feel stronger and refreshed. Being depressed/angry at hard times is natural, but those feelings will never solve the hard times. For that you need positivity, strength, and loved ones around you.

FknBucky

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There will be a part 2 tomorrow. Trying to keep the blogs shorter.

Remember to share this for others that might need to hear it.

27
Jun
24

never ending stay…

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Well….. I extended my vacation by another day. Apparently they want you to crop dust the halls after stealing a kidney, but call it passing gas to sound professional until….. I said “farting” a bunch. The doctor finally loosened up her stature, but not my bowels. TMI… I know, but I promised honesty on this blog so suck it up buttercups. By the way speaking of honesty it turns out I’m not gay. That t-shirt is a liar. My friend Nuisance (see what I did there….) told me to be sweet to the nurses, but have you ever heard of a 24 hour restraining order??? Me either. Who knew asking her if she wanted to stick around and snort some of my meds with me was such a big deal…….. A couple lines of stool softener makes for one heck of a story later.

The TV is crap. The channels are 74-1, 74-2, 74-3, and on and on. I don’t know what that means. I have watched two westerns about a guy killing other guys over a woman. Both of them, but different guys dying from another guy killing them. I think the woman might be my stuck up crazy nurse. She would drive anyone to do some killing. She happens to be one that watched on as the others killed me on my last stay here. No joke there. She is sticking with the panic/anxiety story saying “Well you have anxiety when you’re dying.”

I can’t think of a truer statement. Just remember if you check out from not being able to breathe with 93% of your lung filled with fluid, it is the panic that did it. Can’t believe I was so stupid to think otherwise.

My kidney drain.

Might be yet another day. Got an issue with the kidney drain, and I’m not kidneying around.

Thank for all the prayers. Keep them coming and please share the blogs. Some of your friends might not be on my friends list and should hear my life lessons in the blogs. Be kind to others, stop holding petty grudges, and if someone makes you mad – hit them in the face.

FknBucky

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25
Jun
24

Going In

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Hello my friends. I have been so busy trying to keep my life in order it has been difficult to find time to write on here. We have been recording podcasts the last week and I remind you I’ve only been out two weeks from my near death experience hospital time. My stupid arm is still numb and the shoulder hurts when I use it. Funny thing about being paralyzed. If one of my arms doesn’t work, I simply roll in circles which is an issue for me.

So in about two hours I will be arriving at the hospital to have my left kidney taken out. We’ve been together for 45 years. Longest relationship I’ve ever had, but like a few of my other ex’s that bitch has been trying to kill me. I’ve said in the past “It is time to cut the drama from my life”, but this is the first time it is literally happening. I’ve had surgeries before, but I’m truthful on here. I’m a little scared. This is the first time a major organ is being taken out. They tried to take my left nut about 15 years ago, but like the rest of me (minus this stupid wimp left kidney) it was too strong to quit and came back. My balls are awesome.

I gotta get dressed for this. I love you all. Thank you for all your support and well wishes. Looking forward to writing again soon. Please go to YouTube and watch the podcasts. Episode 24 is so funny. I love it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo_0BeK2nYk

Take care of each other and let go of petty BS. Life is too short to carry anger around. Show love and forgiveness and you will have a happy experience on this beautiful planet. Travel. Enjoy. Smile. Talk to people that are different from you with an open mind.

FknBucky

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25
Feb
21

Round 2 Un-flippin-believable.

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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I think I have to stop writing. The world is just not working for me. I can’t make this stuff up and honestly who would want to. This day has been going awesome. I got a ton of work done this AM, had a fantastic Yoga session with Moonbeam (greatest yoga/life coach ever), and ate healthy all day cause FknBucky needs to lose some FknWeight. Yesterday I took a pretty hard fall which happens but not that often. It sucked and I had to let go of the anger immediately or I would be pissed off all day. Wow that is strong Bucky. Yep, not easy, but very necessary to live a happy life.

I have no idea why as my spasms are usually much more manageable in the afternoon, but today like a rogue wave in the Bering Sea my legs decided Ef You Bucky and went for it again. Luckily I went over backwards this time so I could use the back of my head on the concrete floor to soften my fall. Yeah that will and did leave a mark. I can only assume it happened again so I can write it up for you to read. I just don’t understand sometimes why everything has to go to level 10 with me. It is always that way and I just accept it, but damn some days it just plain sucks.

Luckily the screen on my IPAD PRO got smashed this time. Having nice things is weird to me so thankfully it is now cracked and broken. Not just the screen protector, but deep down the screen is dust. Keeping my awesome lucky streak alive I called around to see about getting my IPAD repaired and it will be at least $650. $650 I didn’t need to spend 15 minutes ago. Thanks leg spasms. You’re the best at making sure I never get ahead. This sucks a lot, but hey this is FknBucky and we make sure shit is really jacked up when we screw up. The screen and parts needed are indefinitely back ordered, my warranty time with Apple Care is past, and my only option is to buy a new IPAD. To replace this one with the same features is going to cost me $1,500 that again I didn’t have to spend 20 minutes ago. If I try to give myself the “let it go” speech right now there is a good chance I’ll beat myself to death with my broken IPad.

That isn’t true. I am literally allowing the anger and frustration melt away thru this keyboard right now. I haven’t fallen in a while so to have it happen two days in a row is baffling, but I can’t change it. Crying about it and feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to make it all better or allow me to go back in time and stop it from happening. I remind myself that it is only money. The bump on the back of my head could have been worse as a lot of people hit their heads and don’t wake up. I am refusing to let this ruin my day. I did plan to meet a friend at the dog bar, but I backed out of that plan simply because I need to shower and I’m not ready for the carnage that goes on there.

Whatever it is in your life I promise you can overcome it. No matter how badly you want to stay mad at that person you need to just let it go. That anger is robbing you of precious time not the person you are mad at. I am not going to let my leg spasms take control of my emotions and let them waste my time. There is no difference in what I should do today from yesterday. Letting it go immediately yesterday was the right thing to do and it is the right thing to do now. But it is two days in a row Bucky. Yep it sure was and that sucks. Giving more energy and time to the “fall” will not change a thing.

If letting go was easy I wouldn’t need to write a blog about it. I will get a new screen or IPad finding the money somewhere. Who really needs two kidneys? I mean really I’m just being greedy having a spare around. I’m sure after all the drinking and drugs I did in my past I can get $30-40 bucks for the left one. The right one and I go way back, we actually dated the same girl back in the day. There is a history there. Here is the end all deal. I will figure it out. I always do and today will be no different.

So let my fall be your teacher. Letting go is a skill and one that you have to practice or it doesn’t work.

I am going to tie myself down tomorrow as enough is enough. For the record I had a great blog idea before this happened. Guess it will have to wait for tomorrow.

Be kind to others.

FknBucky

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