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25
Sep
24

The Sun

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Ahhhh the sun. My favorite part of the solar system. Without it we would not exist. Nothing. No trees, no animals, no flowers, no dogs, no cats, no traffic, no wait maybe we should, nope bad idea, and with that sentence I hope you can now appreciate the sun just a little more everyday. Stop letting the wussies tell you what to do and spend the day in the sun without sunscreen. Trump says Drill baby drill, well I say BURN baby burn!!! Let that skin sizzle to really make you feel alive.

Okay that is stupid. Wear sunscreen and if you listen to me and complain later, I will personally fly to your home, hold you softly while stroking your hair, tell you it will be okay, and then I’ll kill you. And your family. Okay. Back to happy sun thoughts. I do yoga while walking Annie everyday. I throw the frisbee until she needs a break and then I’ll do my stuff. Today while doing my routine in hotel parking lot I let the sun soak into my face for a moment. I had my eyes closed and just concentrated on breathing. In a moment I was transported back to La Jolla living on Wind-n-Sea beach with the waves crashing on the beach. It was actually a black Escalade trying to ram me out of the way. Um, never close your eyes for extended periods of time in hotel parking lots.

It reminded me of the incredible strength of memories. You work all year and then take a week in the mountains, a deep sea fishing trip, or a hiking trip in Utah to appreciate the beauty of that state. If you’ve never been to Utah I suggest you fix that right now. My real point is never underestimate the power of memories. I’m able to overcome the hardest moments in life by remembering the best of times I’ve had with people I adore and love. I’ve lost touch with many friends over the years, I’ve fallen out with some of them, and sadly some are with God way too early, but I’m able to remember them all just like it was yesterday. I let the sun shine on my face (eyes closed, I’m not Trump) with its warmth reigniting the memories I’ve stored in my cold storage thought freezer. I just made that up, but I like it.

Here is my point today which is similar to the points I make every time I write. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Make the memories. Don’t skip out on fun. It matters. MAKE time to be with the people you love right now. They might not be there when you have more money, more time, more vacation time, or whatever other excuse you allow yourself to use. Think about that. I do sometimes. Not to the point where it hurts, but remind yourself that life is short and you have to enjoy every moment starting right freaking now.

I hope that is blunt enough for you. What do you think about when you let the heat from the sun microwave your memory bank?? A trip?? A moment with your girl? Your guy?? Your kids?? I’ll be honest I thought about the beach in La Jolla as I already mentioned and…. I thought about a time when a friend and I stood atop Copper Mountain about to drop into Gaveling Gulch. We both smiled and yelled “We are going to remember this shit for the rest of our Eff’ing lives!!” We were not wrong. I remember the drop, the massive snow cloud I created when I landed, every turn on the way down, and high fiving Rob at the bottom. A Jeep Cherokee slammed on the brakes, went sideways stopping, and with the tires screeching the driver screamed at us “HOW WAS IT??” I smiled and knew I had just experienced something very special.

I love that feeling. I’ve done many crazy awesome things in my life and I have no plans to stop anytime soon. Driving the other day I remembered flying around in a helicopter over Hawaii and smiled because it was flipping cool. I spent the night in Saint Moritz, eating at a fine dining restaurant with the owner of the hotel, and my date was Miss Thailand. I’ve traveled, I’ve laughed, I’ve loved, I’ve made many friends, and I cherish those memories more than any dollar I’ve ever earned. On my deathbed I will not be talking about how much money I have in a bank account, how many stocks I have, or how much property I own. No. I will smile and talk about the great possessions I have. Memories.

Go make some.

FknBucky

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08
Sep
24

Thank you

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I have a dozen blogs in my head right now, but this one is way overdue. I grew up in rural Iowa, driving around on gravel roads, drinking beer on random bridges, and raising hell anyway I could without fear of punishments. I somehow understood the razor edge and spent a lot of time on it loving the adrenaline that came with being a bad boy without actually being a bad human. I always worked, never stole anything from anyone, and simply liked drinking Busch lights a long time before I was 21. This habit drew me a lot of attention from Johnny Law and let me tell you (Trump voice), I got a lot of attention from this guy, like way more than anyone else….

I hated cops. They took my beer away. I paid for that I would say. Jerks. I’d yell “We are just trying to have some fun, we aren’t hurting anyone, go solve a crime you not nice guys.” Ha. I’m sure you can think of the words that I actually would use. I won’t give the actual number possessions under the legal age I had while living in Iowa, but I will say it was more than 5 and less than 2,003. I’m over 21 now, just barely.., so I don’t have to worry about the police taking my beer away anymore.

Today is a thank you. A long overdue thank you. I’m thanking my former enemy. The Tama County (Iowa) Sheriffs department. For those of you that may not know a friend of mine, Ryan Cooper, was murdered in Traer, Iowa on June 18th, 2021. It was vicious, it was evil, it was the most cold blooded act I’ve ever seen in life, and it took over 2 years for an arrest to be made. His wife and her lover are now in a cage awaiting trial and will be found guilty of this horrid, pathetic, and cowardly act. Why would you thank them if it took over two years Bucky?? I’m going to tell you right now.

I was at the funeral. It was incredibly hard. I saw friends I haven’t seen in 20 years, we gave the awkward smile of hello, good to see you, but no joyous moment because the reason we were together still hadn’t set it yet. I saw Dennis Kucera the Sheriff of Tama County. He didn’t smile at all. He was in uniform. He was working. This is a small town. We all know each other and have history. His son and the Ryan were very close friends and I can’t imagine the strength it took to stand there on that day. I can’t imagine the drive to work everyday passing friends and neighbors who keep asking the same question “Why can’t you make an arrest??” I can’t imagine passing the house it happened in and then passing the house the murderer was now living in with her children on the way to work every single day.

Dennis had to keep it professional. He couldn’t explain all the work going on, all the red tape, all the waiting for transcripts and text messages, and how they had to wait to make sure the case was air tight to hopefully keep the guilty in prison forever. Many of us wondered who did it and came to the same conclusion over and over. There simply wasn’t anyone else it could be, but yet it took SO LONG to get an arrest. It was frustrating for us, but I can’t imagine being the man responsible for catching the killer of the man who was in his son’s wedding.

I don’t mention people by name in my blog often, but today is special. I want to thank Dennis Kucera and the Tama County Sheriff department for not giving up, for keeping it professional, and for arresting the monsters that stole our brother. #BuschLightBrotherhood

The trial will come, they will be found guilty, and then spend the rest of their lives in prison. No joy from any of it. A senseless crime that stole a loving father from his children and will take their mother away as well. They are the ultimate victims and my heart breaks for them. I ask that everyone remembers Ryan how he was in life and not the evil way he was taken from us. His smile, his eagerness to help a friend, and the sound of him cracking open that cold Busch Light after working all day is how I choose to remember my friend.

Thank you Tama County.

FknBucky

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23
Jul
24

I wish I was your lover

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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DAMN! I wish I was your lover…..

What a song. Brought back some great memories the other day from a time that seems like yesterday, but I realize it was almost 30 years ago. Some of the girls I went to school with would say “Damn” and then I would sing (very very poorly) the “wish I was your lover” part. It became a thing and truth be told I’m not sure how it started. I think it was because I had a huge crush on one of them, but some secrets are meant to be kept…..

Grandpa was right. Go read a few blogs back if you don’t know the reference. I’m happy for those moments, those times when a song comes on the radio and I’m immediately transported back to a particular night or memory that makes me smile. I’m lucky enough to still have a memory after my 20’s so I count that in the blessing column for sure. We all have bad moments in life and that is perfectly natural so embrace them. Understand that they will pass. This year has been a freaking crazy one for me, but seeing a post on FB about a song melted all the hardship away in a moment. I smiled and life was good again.

A song on the radio. A car driving by. A shirt you see. An old picture in a box you find. A city. I have all of these things and more that remind me of amazing moments I’ve had in life. It isn’t luck they happened, these moments were made possible by showing up to the party, saying yes to that voice in my head, and simply putting myself out there. It is important to encourage the kids around you (your own kids, nieces and nephews, step kids, random D-Bag kid that keeps walking on your yard) to take the chances needed to make these special memories. We all see what happens when kids are isolated.

Sanitarium by Metallica and Damn, I wish I was your lover (kinda forgot about that one….). Chevy Lumina (couple of them). Obviously seeing anyone in a FknBucky shirt!! I have hundreds of pictures in boxes. ROME. These are just some of the special memories that I keep in my head to make me smile when I need it the most. When you have a tough time happening take a minute to go back to one of your special moments and simply smile. I promise whatever hardship won’t seem so hard when you look back at it.

FknBucky

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19
Jul
24

That one thing

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Short, tall, rich, poor, white, black, American, Brazilian, or anything else you can think of to describe what we all are. They are simply labels, but the truth when it is broken down, we are all humans. Democrat, Republican, Independent, or whatever party you choose to be a part of again we are the same. Only our minds are different. That thing inside your head that grows with you year after year. Each experience you have makes a notch in it creating who you are right now. Somewhere along the way a person cared enough about you to make sure you learned how to read otherwise you would be playing candy crush level 4,384 instead of reading this blog. You should call and thank them.

I have a point to this so hang on. People with less actually are able to appreciate the topic I’m writing about. The thing we all have regardless of who we vote for. The thing that so many humans forget to appreciate on a daily basis. We spend each day chasing a dollar, working for the man, being annoyed by those around us, and forgetting the best thing in each of us. What could that be? Simple and it is only one word. Blessings.

We all have them. Are you dry? Cool?? Do you have something to eat today?? It may not be steak and lobster, but if you have a full belly then you are blessed. You may not have a 23 bedroom mansion, but are you in the rain?? I don’t have air conditioning Bucky. Hmmmm. Do you have a fan? Blessing. I don’t have a fan Bucky. Hmmm. Got a window?? If the answer is no then you’re in jail. If you’re in jail stop wasting time reading this and go get a book. Start with this one. How to stop committing crimes for Dumbasses.

I wasn’t going to write this evening, but Annie kept shoving this darn football onto my lap. I was annoyed with her, but then it hit me that instead of annoyed I should feel blessed she wants to hang out with me. Instead of being annoyed with your family after a long week remember how blessed you are to have them. Close your eyes, imagine life without them, take ownership of that feeling, and then remember it every time you begin to be annoyed.

It is proven that people in poor countries are genuinely happier simply because they haven’t been tainted with all the BS some of us have been. They don’t compare their life with a fake family on TV. Instead they care about each other and appreciate the things they do have. I make a point to do that everyday, I always feel better about what I have today, and it reminds me to appreciate everyone I’ve met along the way. Thank you to everyone that has blessed my life.

Feel blessed right now. Be a shame to not be happy with a full belly.

FknBucky

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18
Jul
24

stick

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Scott Wood Photo (Amazing)

Beauty. Funny word. Means many different things to just about everyone. What is beautiful to you?? A view? A woman? A man? A car? Truck? An experience? All of them? For me it is very simple. A look in the mirror. I’m one beautiful human. Life hasn’t been an easy path for me and it hasn’t been for you either, but we all must work at keeping our confidence. If you don’t work at it who will do it for you? I promise the world will only try to kill your confidence not help grow it. Surround yourself with people that only have your best interest in mind or life becomes unnecessarily harder.

I was playing frisbee with Annie the other day and saw a walking stick crawling across the cement floor of this little shack we use for shade at the park. I can’t remember ever seeing one in the “wild” before, but I was enamored with it. Maybe I was jealous of that darn stick that can walk…. Haha It was gorgeous and I couldn’t stop watching it slowly crawl across the floor to nowhere. Just endless cement, but it didn’t know that because it could only see/sense what is right in front of it. I could see the path he was traveling was a futile one so I kept trying to steer it another way, but that darn stubborn stick fought me no matter what I did. I remember thinking this must be how God or Big Bang Theory feels watching me live my life.

Sometimes the most inspirational things are complete surprises to us, but we must be patient enough to see them. Learning to me is beautiful. I simply love to learn anything new and watching that bug taught me lessons I had no idea I needed when I woke up that morning. I moved it off the cement into some rocks, but then thought it was a stick not a rock so that was no good. I grabbed a twig and it crawled onto it almost immediately so I rolled about 50 feet away into some wood chips. I found a small tree, put that walking stick onto a branch, and watched it for a couple minutes. It only took about 30 seconds for uncoordinated idiot to fall off. Kind of like me.

It didn’t hit the ground though. A small strand of something came out of its butt, it hung about 4 inches from the branch, and I was about to “save” it when something remarkable happened. It started to climb up this string that came out of it. As it blew around in the wind that darn bug got closer and closer to the branch I put it on until it made it back to safety. I had been in awe of this creature for 20 minutes and thought it had no more beauty to see, but like many times in my life I was wrong.

There is more beauty inside yourself if you just take the time to see it. Once you can see it, then and only then, can the world see it.

FknBucky

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17
Jul
24

Americans

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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Most of us that read this blog are Americans. I have readers all over the world actually and I love everyone of you. I listened to someone talking about everyone coming together after the failed Trump assassination who repeatedly said that America is the greatest country in the world. It made me wonder if people in Moldova are like “We are the 47th greatest country in the world!!” Some guy in Uzbekistan screaming to a crowd “When I was elected we were the 107th greatest country in the world and now we are 102!!! Suck it TrapZisteianistan!!!” I would literally fly there and pay to watch that.

Jokes aside. I have friends of all flavors. We argue at times. We disagree about some things. Not my fault though. Some of them still think women should vote. I know right. What can you do. We can laugh in America. We have the freedom to do so because brave, VERY BRAVE men and women died so that we could have that luxury. I for one will never forget or take my freedoms for granted. What happened on Saturday can not happen here. We are looked upon by others in the world as something to strive to, a place people want to try to be like, and for many out there simply knowing it exists makes the planet a better place. If America fails the world fails.

R or D. They mean nothing. There are 24 other letters. We need them all to spell TrapZisteianistan. Haha. Thought I forgot about them. Seriously though it takes everyone to make us the greatest country in the world. All colors, all sexes, all sexuality, all strengths, all personalities, born here, immigrated here, all incomes, and most importantly all abilities. We all play a role. That role can only be played with love. Hate and anger have no place. The moment anyone compares anyone to Hitler walk away. That conversation is over. There was only one Hitler and he was truly evil. Never fall for stupid arguments and don’t waste the energy. You are loved and welcome to vote however you want in America.

I’ve said this before “you can’t out hate someone.” You can only overcome hate with love and kindness. If someone hates you simply because of skin color, sexual preference, gender, or ______________ the best way to change that is to become the greatest person you can, one of character, substance, and love so they MUST respect you. That is how you change the world. I promise you don’t change anyone by an act of violence. Unless they earn a punch in the face for talking BS. I’m still okay with that.

Love yourself and each other.

FknBucky

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07
Jul
24

The light (the dark -part 2)

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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Yesterday I talked about being the “dark”, a place that I go alone when I’m angry and feel cheated by life. Truth is I’m not cheated by anything. I chose to ride a motorcycle 22 years ago in horrible conditions when I wasn’t experienced enough to be doing so which resulted in me wrecking and becoming paralyzed. I pay for that decision 24/7 – 365 and will do so for the rest of my life no matter what happens. Prison isn’t even that harsh, my sentence was instant with no jury, and I have zero chance at parole. I accept all of that because it simply is the reality I have.

I didn’t plan to say all that, but it just came out. I just type what my brain thinks and that that is what you get to read when I post these. When I’m in the “dark” as I call it I don’t spend the time sitting in a corner feeling sorry for myself. I simply can’t and you shouldn’t either. I work. I spent time cleaning my bedroom, bathroom, and living room this past weekend while being very aware of how much time I was up in my wheelchair. The pressure sore dictates that, but I also swapped out my cushion for a heavier, but much better one for skin care which I should have done 4 weeks ago, but I never thought about it. Again I accept responsibility for the problems I face.

Blaming nurses, doctors, or the hospital in my case only leads to anger and frustration which makes solving my hardship nearly impossible. You can always find someone to point the finger at. How many problems do you solve while angry??? Well besides silencing a crap talker. Man I miss punching deserving people in the face. You can also go to a punk rock shows for 2 hours of mosh pit madness to release a lot of aggression. One time we actually fought the band once at the Ogden in Denver. That was an awesome show I saw with two Daves, a Skot, and Uncle John Jameson. Anyway. Violence is bad or something.

Here is the ultimate point. Do something. Keep moving no matter how slow it is. I fixed my wheelchair while in bed leaning to the side staying off my skin. I could have been crying, cursing (still was just at the chair instead of God and Big Bang Theory), or trying to ruin other people’s weekend because I was having a hard time. That would have been completely pointless and stupid. I have wanted to fix a bracket on my chair for months, but couldn’t find or make the time. It took me HOURS, but I finally got it perfect and makes I’m so darn happy. I didn’t plan that. It just became because I just kept doing.

The light doesn’t just show up. Nope. There is always work involved. Luckily I learned as a kid that work was good, setbacks are normal, and I had to rely on myself before crying to others. If you work even a tiny tiny bit the light will come. The strength will come. Each time the strength grows. The confidence grows. The happiness grows. Wait for it….. YOU GROW!!

FknBucky

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06
Jul
24

The dark

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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What do we do when the mood is less than great?? When we don’t have a perfect photo to put up on IG or X?? When our friends are doing something cooler than we are??? When our health is hurting and it affects the happiness we wish we could find for the day?? The world tells us to make lemonade. We are told to suck it up and get back out there. FknBucky writes often about finding ways to make other people smile because that smile will come back. Today Bucky says sometimes you have to embrace the dark.

I’m not telling anyone to embrace depression and stay there. That is a very bad idea, but sometimes you have to experience the dark to remember how much you love being in the light. Nobody is “UP” all of the time, no matter how much cocaine you do. Just ask Elmo. My kidney was so infected it killed me the first week of May. I’m used to almost dying so I don’t have the “I’m going to live like no tomorrow BS” anymore and truthfully always have, but it is a good reminder to keep chasing my goals. I had that jerk kidney taken out a couple weeks ago. I was so hopeful for sunny skies and to be back after it again that I had a list of things to get after. Instead life kicked me in the nuts and the face just in case I didn’t get the message. I discovered a pressure sore on my butt.

My happiness deflated instantly. My family all had great plans for this weekend, but not me. I’m still healing from the kidney surgery with literal open wounds and now this pressure sore. I don’t want to say I was in “poor me” area, but more of an “Eff everyone else” area. My phone went to VM (I don’t listen to them FYI) and I had a couple pissed off days. I needed to accept this in my mind, formulate a plan to fix my problems, and then come out with a true I will over come this attitude. I will get this to heal and accepted my role in allowing it to happen. We all have to understand that spending some time in the darkness even on 4th of July weekend if needed be isn’t a bad thing.

This isn’t an easy thing to share, but I promised to be honest with everyone that reads this. I don’t share to hear the comments of “you can do it, you got this, or the stay strong”….. While those are not bad and needed sometimes, I’d rather hear/see “me too Bucky, I understand this, and glad I’m not alone” so that others can feel safe embracing the dark, but remember to not get lost there. You must come back out into the light and trust me you will feel stronger and refreshed. Being depressed/angry at hard times is natural, but those feelings will never solve the hard times. For that you need positivity, strength, and loved ones around you.

FknBucky

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There will be a part 2 tomorrow. Trying to keep the blogs shorter.

Remember to share this for others that might need to hear it.

30
Jun
24

Same Caramel Different Day

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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ZERO fat???? I asked. “Yes” was the reply. I had just mixed up my scrambled eggs up with butter, bacon, and love. I didn’t even get one bite when the doctor came in and looked at my kidney drain. Not one bite. The drain was cloudy. Cloudy is bad.

I

If I wanted to go home I had to commit to a zero fat diet for two weeks. Not idea what that entailed, but what the heck, I wanted to sleep in my own bed so I agreed. How hard could it be?? Turns out there is fat in Häagen Dazs. The world hates me is my only conclusion. All the things I love have fat in them.

My sister helped clear out the bad and shopped for the healthy before she picked me up to take me back to the apartment. I’m lucky to have a great group of family and friends. I spent yesterday cleaning and organizing my bedroom. You see the last five plus years have been insanely hard on me due to this darn infection, but I couldn’t see it. My energy went down, my pain went up, and life in general slowly began to downgrade allowing my world to descend into chaos. Fancy way to say my home is a mess.

While organizing and cleaning my bedroom I found something the sister missed. A large piece of caramel I bought a few days ago while at the the mall. You know the candy store by the door with insanely yummy everything.. I loaded up before surgery thinking if things go bad my corpse will be full of chocolate goodness. I lived so I was a man with way too much sugar in his system and a leftover caramel in his bedroom.

My first thought was I’m eating this M Eff’er right now. Then I remembered who I am. FknBucky? Nope. Bucky? Nope. Allen? Nope. I am a man of character and self discipline. I haven’t always won every battle in my life, but I’m not losing this one. I take a bite and it will taste amazing. After 57 hours of ZERO fat I’ve earned a little yummy. Bull$h!t. The goal to reach is two weeks.

I take that bite and all I’ll taste is guilt and failure. I’ve done that before and learned that lesson. Not this time. My character isn’t for sale. I will wait two weeks and that bite will be one of power and satisfaction. That little caramel bite will give me strength for the next battle that will surely come.

We all have it in us. Wait it out.

FknBucky

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This meme just made me laugh.

27
Jun
24

never ending stay…

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Well….. I extended my vacation by another day. Apparently they want you to crop dust the halls after stealing a kidney, but call it passing gas to sound professional until….. I said “farting” a bunch. The doctor finally loosened up her stature, but not my bowels. TMI… I know, but I promised honesty on this blog so suck it up buttercups. By the way speaking of honesty it turns out I’m not gay. That t-shirt is a liar. My friend Nuisance (see what I did there….) told me to be sweet to the nurses, but have you ever heard of a 24 hour restraining order??? Me either. Who knew asking her if she wanted to stick around and snort some of my meds with me was such a big deal…….. A couple lines of stool softener makes for one heck of a story later.

The TV is crap. The channels are 74-1, 74-2, 74-3, and on and on. I don’t know what that means. I have watched two westerns about a guy killing other guys over a woman. Both of them, but different guys dying from another guy killing them. I think the woman might be my stuck up crazy nurse. She would drive anyone to do some killing. She happens to be one that watched on as the others killed me on my last stay here. No joke there. She is sticking with the panic/anxiety story saying “Well you have anxiety when you’re dying.”

I can’t think of a truer statement. Just remember if you check out from not being able to breathe with 93% of your lung filled with fluid, it is the panic that did it. Can’t believe I was so stupid to think otherwise.

My kidney drain.

Might be yet another day. Got an issue with the kidney drain, and I’m not kidneying around.

Thank for all the prayers. Keep them coming and please share the blogs. Some of your friends might not be on my friends list and should hear my life lessons in the blogs. Be kind to others, stop holding petty grudges, and if someone makes you mad – hit them in the face.

FknBucky

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