Posts Tagged ‘Mom

02
Jun
24

No More Air for FknBucky

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Let’s face it you are all a bunch of sick puppies that want to know the details of FknBucky almost dying. You will get them because I promised to always be honest on here. It has been a very dark road and one I wish I could have avoided, but I will make jokes cause that is what I do. If I was about to be shot in the head, I would ask the shooter to promise to tell the hospital that I did NOT die of Covid. It is just who I am. Marry a funny man if you want to have a fun life. I’m taking apps (women only), bunch of savages….

FYI, My hand and arm are still numb and won’t work correctly. My strength is about 40%. Prayers and respect to all Quads. If you know a Quad or see one, give them an hug and say how amazing their strength is. Some of the strongest people on Earth. As my hand comes back I’ll be able to type and blogs will come faster.

On to dying. I was at home for days stuck in bed feeling sick. I couldn’t get up to take Annie outside or feed her. I could not get up to use the restroom properly and my home became a complete mess. It was overwhelming in so many ways and very disheartening to a person like me that demands the best from myself. To no longer have the strength to live with the independence I cherish came very close to crushing my spirit in the ultimate way. It hurt so much inside. I don’t care about pissing on myself as it happens when people get older and when a person is a paraplegic. The disheartening and soul crushing part was not being able to clean up myself.

My Mom (Carol – Thank You so much) came out to help after I admitted I was in a bad way. My breathing was horrid. I’ve been doing it for 45 years, but for some reason I could not get air. I had to sit cross legged with my head down to breathe. Imagine having to stay in one spot/position to get air. It sucked. Life was happening around me, with people coming and going, the lawn being mowed, packages coming, and I was a statue taking small breaths to simply stay alive. After a week, I called an ambulance. Have I ever mentioned how stubborn I am??

In the ER they found my kidney to be infected again. WOW. I could have told them that. I go thru the motions and get checked into room 7911. Small room. First time in my life I had…. Who knows. I started that sentence earlier and can’t remember what the heck I was planning to say. Oh now I do. Oxygen. First time they put the oxygen on me. It was weird. Didn’t get me high though like they say in fight club. Stupid hospital oxygen. I spent days in that room stuck in bed. No moving just fighting to breathe all day and night. Ma spent the night because it was so rough. My eyes were yellow, body beaten down, very little humor or smiles from me, just pain, hurt, and worry.

Day 4 or 5 I was up again. No sleep in the hospital. NONE. Remember my spasms were going crazy the entire time. They always wanted to lay me flat on my back , irritate the kidney, and make my legs & stomach go insane. My stomach spasms are so strong I can’t breathe when they go. It becomes a clamp on my lungs that makes taking a breath impossible. Think about how scary that would be. Sitting there minding your own business and WHAM you can’t bring air into your body with no idea when it will stop. Now imagine it happens a hundred plus times a day/night.

The clock was 6 AM. The nurse and doctor were talking about discharging me that day. My Mom and I insisted that would not be good for me. I told Mom that I would die if they sent me home as I could feel a lot was wrong still. Everything they were doing was not improving my situation. I couldn’t breathe and my spasms were still going crazy. Remember I had been struggling to breathe for weeks, but now it was real. I was gasping and using all the tiny bit of strength I had to get the smallest amounts of air. It is a crazy feeling to try so hard bring air in and get nothing over and over and over and over…. I was getting legit scared. I have a lot I want to do yet in life. I don’t want to die, not like this…. A fast car on a mountain road, spontaneous combustion, a crazy ex-girlfriend and a kid that ain’t mine, or my favorite going out with a smile at a decently old age after giving away every penny I have to those less fortunate than I am.

The more I struggled the more people came into my tiny room to watch me die. The door was a huge wooden one that the nurse and doctor kept shutting very hard which loud noises make my spasms go off making it double hard to breathe again. Once the doctor came in yelling at me and Mama bear yelled “Hey watch your TONE!!!” My Mom sat back and told me to trust the doctors, but when it goes too far this Farm Mama will stab you with a pitch fork.

Breath so bad it deserves 3 pictures.

The big time doctor came in. He had scrubs on and was a, well male, so you know he was in charge.. Oooo that will get some all stirred up. RELAX. Women are super important. Who else would hold stuff while the doctor works???? He was right up in my grill and clearly ate dog poo for breakfast. Worst breath ever. I was dying. He kept telling me to breathe but I was trying to blow his shit breath away. Take air in, no way, not smelling like that. Here comes death. All the money and time to train a doctor they can’t have one day to learn how to pop an ALTOID before getting in the face of a dying person. Heck, you have a woman right there ready to hold them for you. Ha.

If you mad at a couple men/women jokes this blog is going hurt long term. Take a breathe. Smile. See how easy that is. I couldn’t do it the other day. Don’t get upset at stupid words. If you do, you’ll never have a happy day. On to my death.

I had to see my Mom’s face as I going out. No one should ever have to see that. My Mom’s sad/crushed face while smelling shit breath from a doctor telling me to breathe like I somehow forgot in the last 6 seconds. Pretty much the worst way to go. I couldn’t speak anymore. Not sure if I would have said if I could have. Maybe “Goodbye Ma or Someone got a tic tac for dog shit breath doctor here??” It is a toss up. Then I ran out of gas. Completely. I stopped breathing. I had not one more gasp in me. I just stopped.

FknBucky

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27
May
24

meet FKNBucky

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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I am ALIVE!!! This is true.

I am blessed. This is also true.

More truth for you. I have been in the hospital since April 30thish, 2024…… I went down for the big count. Around May 5th I ran out of air. I was no longer able to breathe. I was told for days by hospital staff that I was simply having a panic attacks. I do a lot of things. I curse to much. I call stupid lazy people stupid and lazy to their face. I love my family/friends. I make very inappropriate jokes/comments. I laugh at racist jokes. Mostly after I say them.

What I don’t do is panic. Ever.

I’ve had a bad kidney for over 6 years. I’ve had some other health issues for a lot longer. I’ve been trying to get these problems identified and handled and have tried for a very long time. Why don’t I tell you??? Cause you got your own BS to handle. I mean that in a positive light. I never planned for this to blow up so big and become such a hard thing to deal with. I had no strength, energy, and it sucked. I had no phone calls, emails, and couldn’t take of Annie. Some of the hardest and darkest days off my life. No doubt.

Slight side note, but relevant:

I am comfortable with violence. I think a punch in the mouth is needed sometimes. Given and received depending on what time you started day drinking. Day drinking with a side of violence. I love Wisconsin so much…. And IA, and NY, and AL, GA, NC, SC, KY, NJ, and a former CO resident named Nate from NJ, Dave Dean, and many others . When I fell out/died at the hospital for almost 3 days last week they forgot to move my left arm. Now it is numb and don’t work. Being a quad is HARD. I have so much more respect for those who face that challenge everyday.

It is Slllllloooooooowwwwly coming back. I feel like I should be able to punch the person responsible in their face without jail time. My left arm/hand is dominant although I am ambidextrous, but both arms are equal when attempting to push a wheelchair in a straight line. My logic is I should get to dot Billy’s “move the arm guy” eye so he sees fuzzy out his left eye while I’m stuck rolling in circles….. What if Billy is a girl Bucky??? Duh. I do the right thing and use gender neutral violence obviously throwing the headbutt. I’m not stupid. I am funny however and you love my genuine ass.

Now that I can use a phone again I have a lot of blogs to write. You will enjoy them. I’m sorry many of you had no idea how sick I was. I couldn’t type and it happened fast. PLEASE follow this blog and the podcast. Future info will come thru here and the podcast. I have a large family and SSOOO many amazing friends from all over the world. You are the reason I never stop fighting for my life or my right to say messed up things to make people laugh. This experience will be shared fully and I’m hoping to write blogs daily, but I also have a ton of therapy and life to catch up on.

I love you all. Truly. My family. My friends. My colleague’s who are both. Without you all there is no Allen, no nBucky, no FknBucky, no fight, no stories, and I owe all of you my life. Thank you.

FknBucky

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26
Apr
24

My Friend named Grandma

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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NEW PODCAST on YouTube and on your favorite podcast app. Simply search FKNBUCKY. Please like, share, and comment. Together we can do something great and change lives with positivity!!!

Just boarded another airplane for another flight home.  I’ve done this dozens actually hundreds of times before, but today is different.  I’m flying home to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends.  I’m so thankful for the time I was able to spend with her and will remember all the wonderful conversations we had over the last 20 years.  For those of you that know me personally you know I have friends all over the world and I’ve been blessed to have so many of them.  This friend was all alone in her category simply because of her name.  Grandma.

I have always been close to my Dads father.  I was named after him and that was a small club to be in.  I probably don’t deserve his name as he was one of the greatest men I’ve ever known.  When he was 80 yrs old I watched him carry a large metal tub filled with corn down to the hog barn to feed the chickens.  Ha.  Just kidding.  There are pigs in the hog barn you fools!! When I would visit my Grandparents, Grandpa and I would sit at the table having tea and thoseamazing chocolate chip cookies only Grandma could make, while G-ma waited on us.  Naturally most of the conversation was between us men.  It was just the way it was.  I mean we all know the golden rule.  Women have to be quiet while the men are talking.

My Grandpa passed away 17 years ago and while back visiting Grandma she mentioned she is awake until 2-3 am most nights.  I started volunteering at the children’s hospital in San Diego around this time.  Every Tuesday night I would open and run a playroom for the kids to get out of their rooms and have some fun.   My drive home was 30-40m min and almost always after 9 PM.  I like to talk to people when I’m driving, but 9 PM is a little late to call friends to just say “hey”. One night I thought Grandma is awake, I’ll call her.  I called, she was up, and we had a great talk.  As time went on, week after week, I would continue to call G-ma on my drive home. She looked forward to it and so did I.  Something happened during those calls.  My Grandma became my friend.

She told me so many stories. How she first knew my Grandfather was the man she would marry.  He was at her place to help do some sort of work and as he left the house with the others, my grandma handed him a pair of gloves and their hands touched.  Not a quick touch, but long enough to gaze into each others eyes and decide I’m going to marry this person.  Simpler times.  A hand lingering just long enough to relay the message, but not too long to be creepy. 

She told me about her wedding day.  They were going to “honeymoon” in Waterloo planning to eat a fine dinner and then going to see a movie.  For reasons not discussed the young married couple were running late and had to smash a couple burgers quickly so they could still make the movie on time.  The best part was the happiness in her voice as she relived these memories with me.  I felt and still feel honored she shared these stories with me.  I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to know her so well. 

Grandma had so many pictures and was a rock within the family.  Doing all she could to keep the family together having family reunions and always encouraging everyone to let go of the anger, be open to kindness, and forgive when necessary.  It seems fitting that our whole family will be brought together one more time by Anna Pearl.  I can envision her and Grandpa (together again!) looking down at us all with smiles knowing they did their best for their family and I’m not alone when I say THANK YOU to both of them. 

Just part of Grandmas super army. Love you forever Grandma.

I will say this.  MAKE the time to talk with people you love.  None of us are that busy we can’t put forth the effort.  Well so and so never calls me, why should I reach out to them???  Why shouldn’t you??  Whatever happened let it go.  It isn’t worth dragging that anger anchor around with you.  Don’t you want to be free of this pissed off attitude that sucks up all your energy so you can stay mad???

I loved my Grandmother without question.  She was a remarkable woman.  All that came natural.  I’m happiest though knowing I took the time to make my amazing G-ma my best friend while I had the opportunity.  She taught me so many lessons that I will use the rest of my life.  Many times people will say I didn’t know what I had until it was gone.  I have learned very hard lessons that way, but this one time I got ahead of the game.  I made sure to appreciate my friend everyday. 

The world lost a bright shining light of a human, but heaven gained an angel that will forever be looking down at our families. 

That is what I wrote on the flight out.  I’m currently on the flight back to Charlotte. At the visitation I went by, but purposely didn’t look into the casket directly.  I used a bit of side eye, then closed my eyes, and said a private prayer between Anna Pearl and myself.  I didn’t want the vision of her in my head overwhelming all the happy mental pics I’ve taken of her during my life. 

My family is far from perfect.  My Grandma wasn’t perfect.  I am so far from Perphekt that I have to spell it wrong.  I might name one of my kids that actually….  Truth is like all families there is some drama and blah blah.  I don’t involve myself in that.  Some people need conflict and thrive on it.  I’m not one of those.  I prefer if something has your panties all wadded up, say something, get it off your chest, and then move on. 

The celebration of life was awesome.  Many of my family members made the trip home and we got to visit, laugh, and enjoy the moment.  Anna Pearl got us all together one last time.

We are all going to miss her, but I’ve promised myself to replay the great times in my head and share the advice, family history, and the wisdom my dear friend Grandma passed to me.

I love you Grandma and Grandpa.  So happy you are together again.  I promise to do my best to encourage everyone to drop the anchors and be happy again.  At this stage of the game no body is changing.  Just accept your family members for who they are and simply love them unconditionally.

Thank you,

FknBucky

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15
Aug
23

Just Go

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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What’s up my friends?? I should probably name this “just write” as I’ve slacked hard the last year. A whole darn year. It is insane just how quickly time flys by without us noticing. Kids grow up. They become adults suddenly. They force us to realize how old we are. I still feel 23, but I’m not. Not even close. Some of you have known me for a very long time and probably have a couple FknBucky stories to share. Please don’t. My Mom reads this.

Live without regrets is something people like to say. Stupid people like to tattoo it on themselves and misspell it. Small piece of advice from me. Google everything you are about to tattoo on you. Trust no one. The Chinese symbols can not be trusted. They say it means Love and Strength! After 7 Bud Lights and 5 shots of Fireball why wouldn’t you want Love and Strength tattooed on the side of your neck?? Cause the symbol actually means “I love anal” which will make you really popular while visiting the Great Wall.

Just Go. There has to be a point. There is. The regrets I have are opportunities I failed to take advantage of. I admire Kobe Bryant in so many ways. I don’t even like basketball all that much, but Kobe and I were born in the same 48 hour period. I was in my freshman year of college, lost, a kid inside, but old enough to by smokes. Kobe was on the biggest stage in the world competing with the best. I would think about that at times and wonder what the heck I was doing with my life. Luckily my college friends would see me in deep thought and hand me a bag of mushrooms. I didn’t get to compete against Jordan, but….. Mushrooms are cool.

I lived in Cali for 11 years. I never drove up to LA and watched Kobe play. I regret that. My neighbor was a fighter pilot in the Navy and invited me to come use the flight simulator he trained on. I never went. Stupid. What a great story that would have been. I don’t dwell on these, but I do remember them simply so I don’t make the same mistake.

I saw a clip of Chappelle show a couple months ago. I thought I have to go see Dave live. I googled his schedule and he was going to be in West Virginia. A 5 hour drive each way, but I didn’t let that bog down my excitement. I bought the overpriced tickets. One for me and one for my nephew. I told myself the cost of the ticket was both combined so it was good in my head.

I need accessible seating. The tickets I bought were not accessible. No big deal as most times I call the venue and they swap me out with no issue. Not this time. I called and explained my situation to the guy on the phone. He said “Don’t come. We don’t have a seat for you.” So I turned around and went home. I was defeated. I wasted all that money on tickets with no chance to resell them and on top of it I couldn’t cancel the hotel room so I had to pay for that as well. A very expensive lesson.

Eff that. I hope no one believed any of that BS. Dude said “Don’t come.”

I replied “See you in five hours”.

I would have sat on someone’s lap before I didn’t go. I transferred into a seat in this old ass theater. I think Lincoln was shot there. I was stuck there and had to explain to 37 people why I refused to stand up and let them pass.

Dave came out and everyone went crazy!! He started out saying that he wouldn’t not talk about Tranny’s because he was already in trouble with the super fun “Always offended and pissed off crowd”. Seriously those types (I had to erase my previous three descriptors) really know how to party!! All I’m saying is they don’t have handfuls of mushrooms so….. To fill the time in his set previously dedicated to the Tranny’s he decided to make fun of paralyzed people. Like everyone else there I laughed. I am not a man in a wheelchair. I am not disabled. I’m FknBucky that uses a tool to get around that is called a wheelchair. Big difference. Disabled people can’t do stuff. There is not one damn thing I can’t do. Use that word on someone else.

I can forever say “I saw Dave Chappelle live.” That is a very cool sentence. I made the money back selling my crippled ass on a street corner. I mean it was Chappelle.

So go. To everything. Take a friend. Take a family member. Buy their ticket and forget about it. Have a large woman with the biggest boobs in the world crawl over you 3 times because you can’t stand up. There was a moment that I thought I was going to suffocate to death between 2 ginormous boobs at a Dave Chappell show. I mean if you got to pick the most perfect way to die that has to be top 3.

Just go. Just go. Just go. Tattoo that on your neck or better yet tattoo it on your brain. You can show it off to your friends by being the guy that is always up for an adventure and yells proudly “LET’S GO!!”

FknBucky

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The Podcast is coming. Your drive home will never be the same!!

12
Apr
22

Driving Stupid

By Bucktown 6 Comments
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I got the RAGE. The road is mine. “Get out the way B___!!!” as Ludacris would say. I’m not alone as thousands of videos on youtube show idiots freaking out over driving issues. That in itself is the problem. I drive a lot. More than most people I know. I drive to work as I cover North and South Carolina for a sales territory. I also drive back to the midwest to see family a few times a year. I’ve driven from coast to coast multiple times in my life along with from Canada to Mexico/Gulf. What is the point of that?? Point is I’ve driven a lot. Stop interrupting me.

I see it every day. People out driving that would be better off thrown into a small box and left in the jungle somewhere far far away. Actually that would be a waste. We wouldn’t want that so we put them in a box, cook them in the sun for 5-6 days, and when nice a ripe we feed them to cannibal tribes in Brazil. It is a win win. I see you. I watch your crap car switch lanes. No blinker. No plan. Just you driving like all the other cars are simply obstacles. You can’t be bothered to think about the family in the car you just cut off. You got no time to think about the 52 year old man that is just trying to get home after working a long shift. His wife and kids have no other income as they are living paycheck to paycheck, but you don’t care because you have need for speed.

I watch as you swerve into this lane and that lane. Going up three car lengths to slam on your brakes when you finally see what the rest of us see. Traffic is backed up. Nowhere to go regardless of how many people you cut off. You try to do 85 mph on the freeway when traffic is moving 50 mph. Obviously you are a brain surgeon needing to go save lives in your 2001 Honda Accord. My guess is your meth dealer called and said he will meet you at the truck stop your Mom works at as a Lot Lizard. Yeah I went there.

I watched this happen on the way to the VA yesterday. Two cars could not accept that traffic was heavy. They came on about exit 60 going very fast to merge into traffic that was not going very fast. Both cars had to brake hard to not ram the cars in front of them. 4 lanes of traffic all going the same speed. I like go fast too when traffic is light, but I know when that isn’t happening. We’ve all seen these drivers who are happy to endanger every person around them to get 40 feet further. It is stupid beyond all. If you do this you are STUPID. Both cars exited on Exit 70. 10 miles. They maybe got a 1/4 mile further along than I was.

That quarter mile. What is that in the time of life clock? 10-15 seconds. Heck I’ll even be generous and say they saved a full minute driving recklessly with complete abandon for anyone else on that road at that time. You got away with the swerving, bumper riding, crap selfish driving this time, but what about the next time. It is a habit because you’re STUPID. You do it everyday, multiple times a day, year after year, and somehow you still have the balls to say ”It was an accident” when you cause a wreck and kill someone. Is that 1 minute worth a persons life??

Tell you what. Do me a favor and let me know which person you care about in your life that we can sacrifice so I can start driving like a jerk as well. If you are willing to gamble the lives of people I love so that you can get your precious minute then you got to ante up. Doesn’t sound so cool when you think about it in real life terms. This isn’t Grand Theft Auto where you simply crash, jump out of the car, and steal a new one. There are no extra lives for the people you hit or the people you supposedly love riding in your car. If you drive like this with your kids in the car you are a special sort of STUPID. Not only do you endanger them, but you are teaching the next generation of STUPID.

People die because of drivers like this. Kids, adults, Moms, Dads, and families are ruined for your precious seconds. Seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…. That amount of time cost someone their life by a STUPID driver. Slow down, let that car merge in, enjoy life instead of riding a bumper in front of you screaming at the driver like they care or can hear you. I hate the cars going slow in the passing lane as well, but when traffic is heavy it doesn’t matter. The next time you catch yourself doing these things remind yourself that no amount of time is worth a life. How much are you willing to gamble??

Be Safe my Friends.

FknBucky

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P.S. I’ve written about this before, but the message should be taught to EVERYONE that plans to drive or ride in an automobile. I ask that if you read this blog and agree please post a comment or share it. Please love yourself and others enough to let the minute go. Better yet ask your dead self if the 15 seconds were worth it.

03
Dec
21

Tragedy and Smiles

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I want to share a story with you today. A very important one that I hope will open your eyes, your heart, and help motivate you to count your blessings instead of constantly wishing for more. There is a club that no one wants to join. There is no name for it, it has no leader, and it is guaranteed that all members wish they could unjoin. It is a club of tragedy. Accidents that change the body is the cost of membership. I became a member April 1st, 2002 and have been dealing with it every single day since. This isn’t my story though.

I volunteer because I am able to help and I know that. I offer my everything to the people I talk with at the rehab hospital. I will answer any questions no matter how personal, help with any equipment they may need or want to know about, and I’m happy to talk with family members that want to learn/understand how to best help the loved one that is going thru this physical nightmare. I’ve probably talked with at least few hundred confused/scared people over the years and I’m very proud of that.

Travis and Staci Hoyle gave me permission to use their real names in this blog. Travis was injured a couple months ago and is currently using a wheelchair. I want to express one thing here very strongly. It isn’t your business how it happened. Don’t ask. Ever. It is not okay. Don’t say I’m one of those people that just blurt it out. Travis will tell you if he wants to. Instead do something easy. Talk to him like you would without the chair. He is the same person today as he was 6 months ago. Bust his balls, call him ugly, give him a hard time about driving a Nissan, or whatever else you normally do.

The Hoyle’s have a tough road ahead. It isn’t impossible, but it is hard and they will need that 4 wheel drive of his F150, (it is actually a 2004 Nissan 4×4 Supercharged) to get thru it. “Travis made sure I corrected that.” I have no doubts that they will. This is a strong family from what I have seen. Leave your pity at home. Nobody needs that crap. Bring your happiness, smiles, never give up attitude, and instead of asking for details on what happened say ”I know you got this and I’m here if you need anything.”

I see strength, fear, and determination in Staci and Travis’s eyes. It is okay to have fear because everything is new and we fear what we don’t know. The strength they have has nothing to do with lifting weights. True strength is in a persons mind, it is strong to accept reality, it is strong to smile first thing in the morning and say I can do this, it is strong to remember you’re not the only one going thru this, and most importantly it is strong to acknowledge other people are hurting as well. Pity parties are stupid and worthless so have a strength party. Challenge everyone around you to use the strength God gave them to overcome this obstacle. Once again I will say I have no doubt they will overcome this, but friends and family have a HUGE role to play to make that happen.

Unfortunately bad things happen to great people all the time. It is unfair and makes me want to scream at nothing sometimes. 20 years of membership and yes sometimes I still have moments of extreme weakness and anger. The key is to not live there. Accept the emotions, work thru them naturally, and get back to living your best life. Avoid the ”what if” hole because it simply leads to depression, anger, and regrets. What if I didn’t go, what if I didn’t stop for coffee, what if I didn’t date her, what if what if, and more what if. That is pointless because no matter how much you torture yourself it will not ever change the outcome.

You don’t have to be Travis and Staci to use the advice above. Everyone has hardships in life, hardship plays no favorites, and facing it head on is the right course of action. There is a benefit for Travis on Sunday. I’m told the 300 available tickets sold out very quickly. Money is always welcome and helpful, but kind words and genuine caring is fuel for the fighting spirit alive inside of Travis and Staci. This is not an easy road, but once again it is not impossible. The only thing different is Travis got a lot shorter and won’t be running up any stairs for a while.

Remember as this battle goes on that smiles and laughter are okay. In fact they are a must. Focus on the things that make you smile. Watching your kids succeed at anything. Holding your partner in front of a fireplace on a rainy night. Laughing with your friends while telling old stories. One of my best friends growing up and I would always yell when Welcome Home (Sanitarium) by Metallica came on. It is a random thing, but after my accident while having a tough moment in life that song come over the radio. I was instantly transported back in time and smiled gratefully that I was still alive to enjoy that memory. It is okay to be happy while dealing with tragedy. To this day every time I hear this song, I’m instantly 19 years old again, yelling at the radio with my friends while drinking a Busch Light.

It is easy to find reasons to be unhappy, mean, and ungrateful. True strength is when you put all those aside and find one reason to smile. You only need one. Kids, wife, family, friends, pets, food in your stomach, warm place to sleep, and so on. You can choose to be happy in horrible situations. In life when we are forced into situations beyond our control it is important to concentrate on the one thing we always have control of. Your Attitude. It is easy to smile at the end of the trip, but more important to keep that smile and positive attitude going during the journey no matter how long it may be.

I hope everyone who reads this will share it. You never know who needs to hear the message above. If you can donate money please do and then share this message. If you can’t send money I only ask you share this message so others will see it and be able to help.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/257mk-help-travis-hoylespinal-cord-injury?member=14697887&utm_campaign=contacts-v2-invite-to-donate&utm_medium=sms&utm_source=twilio

Count your blessings. Be grateful for the people in your life. Truly grateful for them.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

We still need Justice for Ryan Cooper. Please come forward if you have any information. As Russell Crowe said in the Gladiator “We will have our vengeance, in this lifetime or the next.”

02
Aug
21

“I’m Lovin You”

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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This isn’t how I envisioned my next blog to go. I haven’t published anything since writing about Ryan. Not that I haven’t had things to say, it just felt so trivial once I started putting it into words. We lose the purpose of existence in a moment. 9/11 – We are one!!! A few years later it is a Facebook post that catches your eye so you share it saying never forget as you grab another Truly from the cooler. I’m not saying it is right or wrong. It simply is what happens. The best way to honor the people we love that left us to soon is to cherish the moments we have with the people still here. That is the purpose.

I drove to Alabama today. I meant to drive over 2 days ago, but kept getting caught up with this and that. I believe looking back now I was looking for things to delay my trip because I knew when I got here things would become real for me. It has been real for my family here in Lower Alabama or LA for the locals. We lost Momma last week. She was everyone’s Momma. The first time little brother introduced her to me he called her Momma and said I should as well. That was that. She embraced the stereotype and simply was everything people say about Southern hospitality. There are never guests in Mommas house. Once you cross that threshold you are family. Grab a plate, load it up, and find a safe place to sit down.

Chances are you will be run over by a dog or kid at some point while eating. Some people have beautiful houses filled with expensive neat stuff. It can be impressive, but not for me. I want to be in a home. A dwelling that is filled with love, amazing smells of pound cake baking, and hopefully a muddy dog chasing a 7 year kid down the hall. I feel sorry for people that don’t get to know what that type of love is like. It simply didn’t matter who you are outside of these walls because while you are inside of them you always had food to eat, a family right here, with a large helping of love for dessert. Okay that is not true because dessert is a ginormous bowl of ice cream that Dakota has to scoop or it doesn’t taste as good.

I stayed here in Alabama with little brother and his family for a long while after I left Cali. I decided I was going to lose some weight and started eating salads for meals. Not an easy thing to do with Momma making fried chicken, fried pork chops, potato salad (MAN I LOVE THIS), pound cake, and pretty much everything. Collard greens with bacon, jalapeños with bacon, hell I think some mornings we had bacon wrapped bacon dipped in melted butter. I would eat my salad only to have Momma hand me a plate with bacon wrapped bacon on it saying it ain’t right just eating a salad. Who am I to argue??? I can lose weight next week.

I pulled into the driveway tonight about 8:30 PM. I was supposed to leave on Friday, then Saturday, then Sunday morning, but it was almost 1 PM by the time I was leaving Charlotte. In my defense I do have a job and had to handle a few things before being gone this week. Pulling in I noticed the lawn was littered with cars. Sunday dinner. Every week there is a big meal and everyone eats. I smiled and thought this is what Momma left us. She didn’t leave us stuff, money in a mattress (although I’m checking first thing in the AM), or some big inheritance. Nope, she left us each other to lean on, laugh with, and share the pain with in hard times. We don’t have to face anything alone because we have this beautiful family Momma gave us. She was wise many times teaching lessons without pointing out the incredibly obvious.

We won’t need a crafty Meme to remember Momma. It won’t come around once a year to throw up a never forget picture of Momma. Nope. Every get together, impromptu Wednesday night we decide fuck it and have a few more that a couple while building a fire, and the Sunday evenings sharing food, laughs, and love with the people that are important to us. The truth is she never left. Her physical body stopped holding her back and now she can watch over us all. Momma didn’t go to bed without telling everyone she loved them. You didn’t walk out her front door without her saying she loved you. She understood how precious moments are and without shoving it down our throats she simply taught us by doing it. I’ve pondered what to write for a week now. I really didn’t have it until I pulled into the driveway tonight. I was met with 20 voices telling I was late, fat (thanks Shannon), ugly, and most importantly a tiny voice asking where did I want all my precious pictures a certain young lady drew for me. One of them is scary she said so I have to be careful when I look thru them.

It doesn’t seem fair that she is gone. I know it is incredibly hard on my sister in law. I can’t imagine the pain she is in and I never like to think about the day when well you know. We will keep Momma right here with us everyday. Every time someone leaves we say “Love you!” Every time we hand an idiot eating a salad a plate full of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and collard greens with bacon there will be Momma looking down on us proud that she left a legacy of love, respect, and a few extra lbs….. She also is one of one that passed every level of Candy Crush and became a God to the game.

We all love you and miss you Momma. We cherish the wisdom and kindness you showed us.

Always tell those you care about that you love them. Don’t wait for a perfect moment or time. Just do it every time. I can still hear the words.

“Alright, I’m loving you.” Then Momma walked up the stairs. This time Momma had a few extra stairs to climb to be with her maker.

“Goodnight, We all love you too Momma.”

FknBucky

12
Mar
21

Mom Whore

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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My Mom never misses a day of reading this blog. Sorry Mom, but I am out there defending your honor EVERY DAY!

It is Friday or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know what day you’ll read this. I hope you do read it though. I can be wrong at times and honestly I’m okay with that. If you’re never incorrect or on the wrong side of things you’re not trying enough. Failing or being wrong as just as important to being a good human as succeeding and being correct. Many times it is more important. Success is easy to accept. Defeat forces us back to the drawing board to analyze and then retry based on the lessons learned.

I drive a lot in my personal life and in my professional life. I see a lot of bad driving. Obviously it is always women doing the bad driving. Who’s idea was it to let women drive again??? Next we are going to let them vote. Oh man there is no coming back from that. See what I mean about mistakes??? Nobody gets it perfect the first time around, but we can learn and evolve as humans accepting we are incorrect about a certain way of thinking and then take steps to fix it. You can make new laws, but I will always believe you need to change a persons heart to measure true progress.

Back to the crap driving I see daily. I watch all the time people that refuse to let someone merge in front of them. It is true insanity. Blinkers used to mean you were going to travel from the lane you are currently in to the lane next to you. They do not mean this anymore. Now when you turn your blinker on you are calling the mother of the driver next to you a whore. I didn’t get that memo either. I had to figure it out. Now once the insult is fired off that driver is required to speed up not slow down so that you can not get into their lane. If they successfully block you from merging into that lane their mother is not a whore. Who knew?? Nobody tells you at the DMV either. I had to figure this whole system out on my own.

There is the flip back Mom whore maneuver that should not be attempted by a rookie. No this takes years of practice. This happens when the driver attempting the merge flips on blinker and starts the process. To perfectly execute this move you must still be one or more car links behind merging car. Once the blinker is engaged you must act quickly. First thing you do is floor it. Remember your mother was just called a whore by that blinker using bastard. While closing the gap and hopefully almost causing an accident (this means you’re doing it correctly) you start to lay on your horn. Very important to simply hold it down. If you only toot toot that is actually accepting the insult on your Mom. I know some of your Moms. You may want to practice the toot toot.

Now that your engine is red lining, your horn is blaring, you are ready for reverse Mom whore. This is you screaming at that other car while flailing your arms about to let them know you are legit crazy. They have no choice, but to turn that darn blinker off, and wait to insult someone else’s mother. Well done. Not only did you block the insult, but you threw it back over onto them. Sometimes this driver will actually toot toot to you accepting their Mother’s fate. The extra cherry on top is they miss their exit and have to drive an extra 7 miles. Don’t you worry about it though you’re on your way to a save the planet meeting addressing ways to cut back on needless use of fossil fuels. Go figure that one out.

Driving is true reflection of your inside character I believe. It is anonymous as nobody knows who you are unless your in a small town so you can do what ever you want with out having to answer for it. If you are a jerk it will show in the way you drive. If you don’t allow cars to merge in front of you for whatever reason you’re a Dick. Slow down and let the person in. I’m quite certain no one likes you and won’t mind if you are a few minutes late. They would probably rather you didn’t show up at all. Not only do you not let a car in, but you have to weave in and out of traffic to get ahead three spots before cutting across three lanes to take the next exit. All the cars that you practically hit weaving about pass you as you pull up to the red light on the exit ramp. The word stupid is way to kind for you. You are stupid squared. I’m going call you SQUPID. Honk again at me I dare you.

I could fill a dozen books with BS I see on the roads. I’m the guy that will let you in. I also leave space in between me and car in front of me so people can turn left while I’m at a stoplight. If I’m on a busy street I will not block traffic for 10 minutes waiting to turn left. Nope, I will go down, use the left turn lane at the stoplight that has a green arrow. Then I will do a U turn allowing me to come back and turn into the parking lot I wanted using a right turn. I added 45 seconds to my drive, but I didn’t back up traffic forever because I’m a SQUPID. Being kind has no off button. You can look for ways to be kind to other drivers. It isn’t hard.

The way we treat each other while controlling a 2 ton missile is disgusting. I swear some people do NOT want to live thru their commute. That is fine by me, but leave me and everyone else out of it. Speed up, pop a couple uppers or downers, turn your blinker on for an obscene amount of time while flying down the road and then go hit a tree. In this scenario I feel sorry for the tree.

Be kind to one another. You don’t have to follow someone home and wash their car to be kind. Just hit the brake a tad and let them merge in. In fact don’t follow people home. It isn’t as romantic a gesture as one might think. Cops, restraining orders, and the hassles.. That is what a friend told me 47 times. Only a percentage of you will get that joke and I’m okay with that.

I love my Moms. Yes I have more than one. I am so awesome one Mother’s love just wasn’t enough so God gave me another.

FknBucky

P.S. I am a master at the reverse Mom Whore so don’t even think about blinkering me.

18
Feb
21

RIP Rush

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Wow. I used to think that 70 years old was completely ancient, but the closer I get to it the less “old” it really sounds. I have no idea how old I’ll live to be and to one hundred percent honest I don’t care. I am in no hurry to cash in my chips, but hey at 42 I’ve had a lot of fun in this world. I’ve made some amazing friendships with people that I simply adore. I can go to any state, almost any city in the USA, and reach out to an old friend that will invite me in without worry about how many years it has been since we’ve last spoke. To me this is wealth, it is my value in the world, and I believe I am undoubtedly one of the richest men on the planet. If you woke up tomorrow morning with absolutely nothing how many doors could you knock on for help??? Whatever that number is, that is your value in the world. Truth is hard sometimes.

I spend a lot of time in my car. I have listened to Rush Limbaugh plenty throughout my years. Many times disagreeing, but I’m happy to hear ANY point of view as it gives me things to think about which is my favorite hobby. Thinking. Analyzing peoples views with facts and how my personal history and experiences shape who I am as a person. That is the beauty of it or what is supposed to be in America. This cancel culture to anyone with an opposing view is dangerous and ugly. You don’t win an argument by screaming SHUT UP at the person you are debating. If you are so much more correct than the other side “use your words” as we tell three year old children.

I read EVERYTHING I can daily. I sponge it up and then form an opinion based on what I want. At 42 years old you aren’t going to tell me anything or somehow shame me into changing my mind. I have an incredible amount of respect for Rush Limbaugh and it is a really sad day. I have looked at some left leaning websites, TV channels, and have been appalled at the vile and incredibly awful things people had to say. Even great generals in wars have respect for the other side and treat each other in a humane way. It is easy to be kind to people that think exactly like you, but the true character of a person is how they treat people they disagree with. There are a lot of people who failed that test and to me it is so sad.

Take politics out of it and Rush gave MILLIONS to different charities along with his time which we know is our most precious asset. Disagreeing with someone is not a reason to speak ill of the dead, to wish someone burn in hell, and all of the other insanely mean comments I have read the last 24 hours. This entire holier than thou BS with people somehow believing they are going to OUT HATE the people they have differing opinions with is crazy time. Hate is hate. If you are spewing that crao out there you are no better than the people you are supposedly “HATING FOR GOOD. Can there be a stupider sentence?? I’m hating for a good cause Bucky. Nope you’re fucking moron. Sorry Mom, that needed an F bomb.

Rapist and murderers on Death Row have to be treated with respect you scream and with the same breath you scream Rush Limbaugh was the DEVIL and needs to burn in hell!! How many millions have you given away to help those less fortunate?? How many volunteer hours you clock this month?? Nope you’re a keyboard warrior thinking somehow you are better than everyone else because CNN told you so. Grow up. You’re an intolerant asshole screaming like a small over tired child and I hope you take a step back to witness yourself.

Regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum the world lost someone great yesterday. Either a great foe or a great friend. It doesn’t matter, the same amount of respect needs to be shown to them. You don’t do it for Rush Limbaugh or the person that has passed on, you do it for yourself. It takes a much bigger person to say “he was a worthy adversary and I will greatly miss debating him.” To type mean and hateful things does nothing but show me the true character of a person and that deep down anger and negativity is not needed in my world. You stay over there with your 2 “friends’ and have you’re little hate filled Victory party that someone is dead you disagreed with. Be sure to judge everyone else by your incredibly low moral bar you have now set.

So be respectful. You can change the name in this blog from Rush to Obama, Jimmy Carter, or even Nancy Pelosi and the message is exactly the same. All of these people have actual loved ones at home that depend on them, care about them, and are grieving right now. Is it so hard to just shut your judging, self appointed better than everyone else status, and simply say RIP. I have no problem pissing people off with what I say or do and most times I do things simply to get you to react exactly as I thought you would. You have a meltdown, call people names, and then do all you can to make sure that opposing thought is silenced. Silence people by being the bigger person and show the next generation what it is to be respectful of those you disagree with. That is called grace and using it is awesome.

Let me know exactly how many minds you’ve changed by screaming “shut up” at someone. I’d bet everything I have possession wise that number is zero. Of course it is their fault because you’re perfect. Nope you’re a jerk. Okay I’ve beaten that horse to death. Here is the point today. Simply look at the positives in moments like this. It is the correct thing to do no matter how hard you think it is.

RIP Rush Limbaugh. My thoughts and prayers to your family that is trying to make sense of the loss they have just experienced.

If you feel like doing something mean or typing something negative walk/roll away and find someone to do something kind for. You’re inner person with thank you for not planting a few more negative seeds (reference to yesterdays blog) and just maybe someday we can all have a civilized talk about what to do to make the world better. Actually no, we don’t need another conversation. You and I simply need to be kind to each other, those around us, and most importantly be over the top kind to people you disagree with. Watch their reaction.

I appreciate you all. If you have a meltdown and say ”I’m never reading another blog Bucky“ then enjoy that.

Do random acts of kindness and expect nothing in return.

FknBucky

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