More truth for you. I have been in the hospital since April 30thish, 2024…… I went down for the big count. Around May 5th I ran out of air. I was no longer able to breathe. I was told for days by hospital staff that I was simply having a panic attacks. I do a lot of things. I curse to much. I call stupid lazy people stupid and lazy to their face. I love my family/friends. I make very inappropriate jokes/comments. I laugh at racist jokes. Mostly after I say them.
What I don’t do is panic. Ever.
I’ve had a bad kidney for over 6 years. I’ve had some other health issues for a lot longer. I’ve been trying to get these problems identified and handled and have tried for a very long time. Why don’t I tell you??? Cause you got your own BS to handle. I mean that in a positive light. I never planned for this to blow up so big and become such a hard thing to deal with. I had no strength, energy, and it sucked. I had no phone calls, emails, and couldn’t take of Annie. Some of the hardest and darkest days off my life. No doubt.
Slight side note, but relevant:
I am comfortable with violence. I think a punch in the mouth is needed sometimes. Given and received depending on what time you started day drinking. Day drinking with a side of violence. I love Wisconsin so much…. And IA, and NY, and AL, GA, NC, SC, KY, NJ, and a former CO resident named Nate from NJ, Dave Dean, and many others . When I fell out/died at the hospital for almost 3 days last week they forgot to move my left arm. Now it is numb and don’t work. Being a quad is HARD. I have so much more respect for those who face that challenge everyday.
It is Slllllloooooooowwwwly coming back. I feel like I should be able to punch the person responsible in their face without jail time. My left arm/hand is dominant although I am ambidextrous, but both arms are equal when attempting to push a wheelchair in a straight line. My logic is I should get to dot Billy’s “move the arm guy” eye so he sees fuzzy out his left eye while I’m stuck rolling in circles….. What if Billy is a girl Bucky??? Duh. I do the right thing and use gender neutral violence obviously throwing the headbutt. I’m not stupid. I am funny however and you love my genuine ass.
Now that I can use a phone again I have a lot of blogs to write. You will enjoy them. I’m sorry many of you had no idea how sick I was. I couldn’t type and it happened fast. PLEASE follow this blog and the podcast. Future info will come thru here and the podcast. I have a large family and SSOOO many amazing friends from all over the world. You are the reason I never stop fighting for my life or my right to say messed up things to make people laugh. This experience will be shared fully and I’m hoping to write blogs daily, but I also have a ton of therapy and life to catch up on.
I love you all. Truly. My family. My friends. My colleague’s who are both. Without you all there is no Allen, no nBucky, no FknBucky, no fight, no stories, and I owe all of you my life. Thank you.
What’s up my friends?? I should probably name this “just write” as I’ve slacked hard the last year. A whole darn year. It is insane just how quickly time flys by without us noticing. Kids grow up. They become adults suddenly. They force us to realize how old we are. I still feel 23, but I’m not. Not even close. Some of you have known me for a very long time and probably have a couple FknBucky stories to share. Please don’t. My Mom reads this.
Live without regrets is something people like to say. Stupid people like to tattoo it on themselves and misspell it. Small piece of advice from me. Google everything you are about to tattoo on you. Trust no one. The Chinese symbols can not be trusted. They say it means Love and Strength! After 7 Bud Lights and 5 shots of Fireball why wouldn’t you want Love and Strength tattooed on the side of your neck?? Cause the symbol actually means “I love anal” which will make you really popular while visiting the Great Wall.
Just Go. There has to be a point. There is. The regrets I have are opportunities I failed to take advantage of. I admire Kobe Bryant in so many ways. I don’t even like basketball all that much, but Kobe and I were born in the same 48 hour period. I was in my freshman year of college, lost, a kid inside, but old enough to by smokes. Kobe was on the biggest stage in the world competing with the best. I would think about that at times and wonder what the heck I was doing with my life. Luckily my college friends would see me in deep thought and hand me a bag of mushrooms. I didn’t get to compete against Jordan, but….. Mushrooms are cool.
I lived in Cali for 11 years. I never drove up to LA and watched Kobe play. I regret that. My neighbor was a fighter pilot in the Navy and invited me to come use the flight simulator he trained on. I never went. Stupid. What a great story that would have been. I don’t dwell on these, but I do remember them simply so I don’t make the same mistake.
I saw a clip of Chappelle show a couple months ago. I thought I have to go see Dave live. I googled his schedule and he was going to be in West Virginia. A 5 hour drive each way, but I didn’t let that bog down my excitement. I bought the overpriced tickets. One for me and one for my nephew. I told myself the cost of the ticket was both combined so it was good in my head.
I need accessible seating. The tickets I bought were not accessible. No big deal as most times I call the venue and they swap me out with no issue. Not this time. I called and explained my situation to the guy on the phone. He said “Don’t come. We don’t have a seat for you.” So I turned around and went home. I was defeated. I wasted all that money on tickets with no chance to resell them and on top of it I couldn’t cancel the hotel room so I had to pay for that as well. A very expensive lesson.
Eff that. I hope no one believed any of that BS. Dude said “Don’t come.”
I replied “See you in five hours”.
I would have sat on someone’s lap before I didn’t go. I transferred into a seat in this old ass theater. I think Lincoln was shot there. I was stuck there and had to explain to 37 people why I refused to stand up and let them pass.
Dave came out and everyone went crazy!! He started out saying that he wouldn’t not talk about Tranny’s because he was already in trouble with the super fun “Always offended and pissed off crowd”. Seriously those types (I had to erase my previous three descriptors) really know how to party!! All I’m saying is they don’t have handfuls of mushrooms so….. To fill the time in his set previously dedicated to the Tranny’s he decided to make fun of paralyzed people. Like everyone else there I laughed. I am not a man in a wheelchair. I am not disabled. I’m FknBucky that uses a tool to get around that is called a wheelchair. Big difference. Disabled people can’t do stuff. There is not one damn thing I can’t do. Use that word on someone else.
I can forever say “I saw Dave Chappelle live.” That is a very cool sentence. I made the money back selling my crippled ass on a street corner. I mean it was Chappelle.
So go. To everything. Take a friend. Take a family member. Buy their ticket and forget about it. Have a large woman with the biggest boobs in the world crawl over you 3 times because you can’t stand up. There was a moment that I thought I was going to suffocate to death between 2 ginormous boobs at a Dave Chappell show. I mean if you got to pick the most perfect way to die that has to be top 3.
Just go. Just go. Just go. Tattoo that on your neck or better yet tattoo it on your brain. You can show it off to your friends by being the guy that is always up for an adventure and yells proudly “LET’S GO!!”
FknBucky
READ * THINK * LIVE FREE
The Podcast is coming. Your drive home will never be the same!!
The last couple days tested me to see if I would break, but we all know that isn’t happening. Not now, not ever. I don’t get bothered by being knocked down. It will never stop happening so why let it get to you??? To many of us have forgotten how important that lesson is for ourselves AND for the leaders of tomorrow. Our kids need to be knocked down. Sometimes two days in a row. Learning to handle life when it isn’t going your way is one of the most important lessons adults can give to kids. When you have the strength to say “Not today”, I’m not going to let some BS get to me today the world changes. It becomes less scary. You know that no matter what happens you are going to handle it.
Once I get past the “mother F**#^&$R, God DS&^$, Son of a B*#^$ moments on the floor I do what it takes to get back up. I believe I needed to learn that lesson or at least remind myself that we don’t get to pick when “hard times” come. We can only react to it. Luckily we have 100% control on how we react to the hard. What is your reaction?? Do you even know?? Has someone loved you enough to let you fall two days in a row and figure it out on your own??? I sure hope so. You simply have to accept that things happen in life. Sometimes those things are two days in a row and it sucks, but you have to rise above the suck or like a T-Shirt I have seen before “Embrace the Suck.”
I have the strength to forget portions of things. There is just something about me that has always understood that the lesson is important so learn it, keep it, file it, but let the rest of the BS go. Drop it like an old pair of shoes. Later. There was a day back when I was snowboarding that I won’t ever forget. I may have shared this story before, but here it is again. This guy from Chicago who was very charismatic was in the snowboard shop. All the employees (about 5-6) were gathered around him during slow time laughing. He was most likely in his 50’s, but cool. I wasn’t in the group yet but noticed a group of people laughing and I was going join that. I walked up saying something cause that is what I do and this gentleman looked me up and down. The group stopped and it was just him staring at me. Then he said “F*ck you.” I cocked my head like Annabel does when she is trying to understand me. I thought I have to fight this old man?? I hope he took multi-vitamin because IA/WI was about to be represented proper. He repeated it adding “F*ck you, You’re that guy.”
Now I’m curious. Smiling at him I’m like what?? He said ”You’re that guy. No matter what happens you are always okay.” I just went from expecting an ass kicking cause if you have ever been in a real fight you know better than to fight “old men”. They are meaner than your dumbass. A young buck like myself had to worry about looking cool, but old men don’t give a F about looking cool. They will hit you with a board, walk away slowly sipping their coffee, and probably buy you a beer later unless you’re a super d-bag. Don’t fight old men. Okay, but now I’m trying to understand what he meant. The whole group was looking at me when he repeated it. He said “No matter what happens, you’re always okay.” I couldn’t argue the point. He was right. How he could see that so quickly has always been a mystery to me. I had self confidence for days so maybe that?? It stuck with me and I’ve drawn strength from those words a complete stranger said to me many many times. I would love to see him again. Let me know if you run into him. He was a tall black man from Chicago that told funny jokes. There that should narrow it down.
I had way different ideas for blogs this week, but sometimes a different message demands to be shared. I can only assume someone that reads this blog needed to hear about me falling two days in a row only to get right back up smiling two days in a row. The smashed screen on my IPad is a bummer, but it is a thing and I promise you there is NOT one possession I have that if taken away will ruin my day. Ef that. I will never let any worldly possession be that important to me. Try it. It is liberating. Of course I’ll be bummed as some things are cool, but it is only stuff. Memories and friendships. That is where you put ALL of your focus and you’ll have a very fulfilling life. Feel free to donate on my non-existent Go Fund Me Page so I can buy a new IPAD.
ACTUALLY I do know of a person in need right now of some help. I will put the link below. Every dollar is important so please help if you can.
If you can’t help financially please simply share it. The more people that see it, the more help we can do. EVERY dollar helps so no donation is too small. This is a person who’s living situation has become very difficult. The only bathroom is upstairs and do to the progression of his CP he is no longer able to climb the stairs. Take a moment and imagine that. Thousands if not millions of people overcome insane obstacles to simply survive, and you’re crying about what exactly??? Don’t worry there is no my problems are bigger than yours competition, but sometimes understanding what others go thru can help give us strength to tackle our own problems.
I feel good this AM and don’t worry I’m so paranoid about falling again that I’ve rearranged my living room. Probably should have done that after the first fall, but I assumed that was a fluke. Now I know that lightening will strike twice in the world of FknBucky so I had better be ready for it. So remember just because something hard happened to you yesterday doesn’t make you immune to it today. When it happens you have to take a moment for anger, shame, and sadness, but then move on. That poor me baggage will weigh YOU down. No one else. Personally I’m going to look for extra ways to spread kindness today. It will make me feel awesome knowing that I took the energy from falling and passed it on as a positive for someone. I could easily use that energy and snap at someone else to make them feel like crap. If I’m hurt then someone else should be too. That is a stupid thing to do so don’t do it.
Take a breath, take a moment, and then do something kind for anyone expecting nothing in return. The expecting nothing IS the most important part. Do kind things because it is the right thing to do and builds positive character in you. You can’t buy positive character no matter how much money you have, but you can earn it every single day for free.
FknBucky 