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Posts Tagged ‘sad

Jul

Americans

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: American, brave, dog, fail, free, freedom, great, hancock, happy, Hate, kind, love, planet, punch, respect, sad, sex, vote

Most of us that read this blog are Americans. I have readers all over the world actually and I love everyone of you. I listened to someone talking about everyone coming together after the failed Trump assassination who repeatedly said that America is the greatest country in the world. It made me wonder if people in Moldova are like “We are the 47th greatest country in the world!!” Some guy in Uzbekistan screaming to a crowd “When I was elected we were the 107th greatest country in the world and now we are 102!!! Suck it TrapZisteianistan!!!” I would literally fly there and pay to watch that.

Jokes aside. I have friends of all flavors. We argue at times. We disagree about some things. Not my fault though. Some of them still think women should vote. I know right. What can you do. We can laugh in America. We have the freedom to do so because brave, VERY BRAVE men and women died so that we could have that luxury. I for one will never forget or take my freedoms for granted. What happened on Saturday can not happen here. We are looked upon by others in the world as something to strive to, a place people want to try to be like, and for many out there simply knowing it exists makes the planet a better place. If America fails the world fails.

R or D. They mean nothing. There are 24 other letters. We need them all to spell TrapZisteianistan. Haha. Thought I forgot about them. Seriously though it takes everyone to make us the greatest country in the world. All colors, all sexes, all sexuality, all strengths, all personalities, born here, immigrated here, all incomes, and most importantly all abilities. We all play a role. That role can only be played with love. Hate and anger have no place. The moment anyone compares anyone to Hitler walk away. That conversation is over. There was only one Hitler and he was truly evil. Never fall for stupid arguments and don’t waste the energy. You are loved and welcome to vote however you want in America.

I’ve said this before “you can’t out hate someone.” You can only overcome hate with love and kindness. If someone hates you simply because of skin color, sexual preference, gender, or ______________ the best way to change that is to become the greatest person you can, one of character, substance, and love so they MUST respect you. That is how you change the world. I promise you don’t change anyone by an act of violence. Unless they earn a punch in the face for talking BS. I’m still okay with that.

Love yourself and each other.

FknBucky

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Jul

The light (the dark -part 2)

By Bucktown 1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anger, bad, bed, chair, confidence, confidence4, cycle, fknbucky, good, grow, happy, harsh, Hate, jameson, john, kid, kind, love, luther, mlk, motor, normal, parole, pit, pressure, prison, problem, sad, sentence, show, skin, sore, strength, strong, violence, work, zero

Yesterday I talked about being the “dark”, a place that I go alone when I’m angry and feel cheated by life. Truth is I’m not cheated by anything. I chose to ride a motorcycle 22 years ago in horrible conditions when I wasn’t experienced enough to be doing so which resulted in me wrecking and becoming paralyzed. I pay for that decision 24/7 – 365 and will do so for the rest of my life no matter what happens. Prison isn’t even that harsh, my sentence was instant with no jury, and I have zero chance at parole. I accept all of that because it simply is the reality I have.

I didn’t plan to say all that, but it just came out. I just type what my brain thinks and that that is what you get to read when I post these. When I’m in the “dark” as I call it I don’t spend the time sitting in a corner feeling sorry for myself. I simply can’t and you shouldn’t either. I work. I spent time cleaning my bedroom, bathroom, and living room this past weekend while being very aware of how much time I was up in my wheelchair. The pressure sore dictates that, but I also swapped out my cushion for a heavier, but much better one for skin care which I should have done 4 weeks ago, but I never thought about it. Again I accept responsibility for the problems I face.

Blaming nurses, doctors, or the hospital in my case only leads to anger and frustration which makes solving my hardship nearly impossible. You can always find someone to point the finger at. How many problems do you solve while angry??? Well besides silencing a crap talker. Man I miss punching deserving people in the face. You can also go to a punk rock shows for 2 hours of mosh pit madness to release a lot of aggression. One time we actually fought the band once at the Ogden in Denver. That was an awesome show I saw with two Daves, a Skot, and Uncle John Jameson. Anyway. Violence is bad or something.

Here is the ultimate point. Do something. Keep moving no matter how slow it is. I fixed my wheelchair while in bed leaning to the side staying off my skin. I could have been crying, cursing (still was just at the chair instead of God and Big Bang Theory), or trying to ruin other people’s weekend because I was having a hard time. That would have been completely pointless and stupid. I have wanted to fix a bracket on my chair for months, but couldn’t find or make the time. It took me HOURS, but I finally got it perfect and makes I’m so darn happy. I didn’t plan that. It just became because I just kept doing.

The light doesn’t just show up. Nope. There is always work involved. Luckily I learned as a kid that work was good, setbacks are normal, and I had to rely on myself before crying to others. If you work even a tiny tiny bit the light will come. The strength will come. Each time the strength grows. The confidence grows. The happiness grows. Wait for it….. YOU GROW!!

FknBucky

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Jul

The dark

By Bucktown Leave a Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 4th, anger, bad, cocaine, dark, Depress, dog, elmo, good, happy, Hate, July, kidney, kind, light, love, sad, Surgery, tunnel

What do we do when the mood is less than great?? When we don’t have a perfect photo to put up on IG or X?? When our friends are doing something cooler than we are??? When our health is hurting and it affects the happiness we wish we could find for the day?? The world tells us to make lemonade. We are told to suck it up and get back out there. FknBucky writes often about finding ways to make other people smile because that smile will come back. Today Bucky says sometimes you have to embrace the dark.

I’m not telling anyone to embrace depression and stay there. That is a very bad idea, but sometimes you have to experience the dark to remember how much you love being in the light. Nobody is “UP” all of the time, no matter how much cocaine you do. Just ask Elmo. My kidney was so infected it killed me the first week of May. I’m used to almost dying so I don’t have the “I’m going to live like no tomorrow BS” anymore and truthfully always have, but it is a good reminder to keep chasing my goals. I had that jerk kidney taken out a couple weeks ago. I was so hopeful for sunny skies and to be back after it again that I had a list of things to get after. Instead life kicked me in the nuts and the face just in case I didn’t get the message. I discovered a pressure sore on my butt.

My happiness deflated instantly. My family all had great plans for this weekend, but not me. I’m still healing from the kidney surgery with literal open wounds and now this pressure sore. I don’t want to say I was in “poor me” area, but more of an “Eff everyone else” area. My phone went to VM (I don’t listen to them FYI) and I had a couple pissed off days. I needed to accept this in my mind, formulate a plan to fix my problems, and then come out with a true I will over come this attitude. I will get this to heal and accepted my role in allowing it to happen. We all have to understand that spending some time in the darkness even on 4th of July weekend if needed be isn’t a bad thing.

This isn’t an easy thing to share, but I promised to be honest with everyone that reads this. I don’t share to hear the comments of “you can do it, you got this, or the stay strong”….. While those are not bad and needed sometimes, I’d rather hear/see “me too Bucky, I understand this, and glad I’m not alone” so that others can feel safe embracing the dark, but remember to not get lost there. You must come back out into the light and trust me you will feel stronger and refreshed. Being depressed/angry at hard times is natural, but those feelings will never solve the hard times. For that you need positivity, strength, and loved ones around you.

FknBucky

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There will be a part 2 tomorrow. Trying to keep the blogs shorter.

Remember to share this for others that might need to hear it.

Jun

Same Caramel Different Day

By Bucktown 1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anger, Candy, caramel, chocolate, diet, dog, fat, free, good, happy, Life, live, love, mall, No, read, sad, skin, store, suck, sugar, trust, try, Win, zero

ZERO fat???? I asked. “Yes” was the reply. I had just mixed up my scrambled eggs up with butter, bacon, and love. I didn’t even get one bite when the doctor came in and looked at my kidney drain. Not one bite. The drain was cloudy. Cloudy is bad.

If I wanted to go home I had to commit to a zero fat diet for two weeks. Not idea what that entailed, but what the heck, I wanted to sleep in my own bed so I agreed. How hard could it be?? Turns out there is fat in Häagen Dazs. The world hates me is my only conclusion. All the things I love have fat in them.

My sister helped clear out the bad and shopped for the healthy before she picked me up to take me back to the apartment. I’m lucky to have a great group of family and friends. I spent yesterday cleaning and organizing my bedroom. You see the last five plus years have been insanely hard on me due to this darn infection, but I couldn’t see it. My energy went down, my pain went up, and life in general slowly began to downgrade allowing my world to descend into chaos. Fancy way to say my home is a mess.

While organizing and cleaning my bedroom I found something the sister missed. A large piece of caramel I bought a few days ago while at the the mall. You know the candy store by the door with insanely yummy everything.. I loaded up before surgery thinking if things go bad my corpse will be full of chocolate goodness. I lived so I was a man with way too much sugar in his system and a leftover caramel in his bedroom.

My first thought was I’m eating this M Eff’er right now. Then I remembered who I am. FknBucky? Nope. Bucky? Nope. Allen? Nope. I am a man of character and self discipline. I haven’t always won every battle in my life, but I’m not losing this one. I take a bite and it will taste amazing. After 57 hours of ZERO fat I’ve earned a little yummy. Bull$h!t. The goal to reach is two weeks.

I take that bite and all I’ll taste is guilt and failure. I’ve done that before and learned that lesson. Not this time. My character isn’t for sale. I will wait two weeks and that bite will be one of power and satisfaction. That little caramel bite will give me strength for the next battle that will surely come.

We all have it in us. Wait it out.

FknBucky

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This meme just made me laugh.

Jun

No More Air for FknBucky

By Bucktown 2 Comments

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Air, anger, Annie, bad, breath, carol, choke, chronic-illness, club, die, doctor, dog, dying, fight, fork, happy, health, healthy-living, kind, Life, love, man, mess, Mom, nurse, oxygen, panic, para, pasnic, piss, quad, sad, suffacate, wellness

Let’s face it you are all a bunch of sick puppies that want to know the details of FknBucky almost dying. You will get them because I promised to always be honest on here. It has been a very dark road and one I wish I could have avoided, but I will make jokes cause that is what I do. If I was about to be shot in the head, I would ask the shooter to promise to tell the hospital that I did NOT die of Covid. It is just who I am. Marry a funny man if you want to have a fun life. I’m taking apps (women only), bunch of savages….

FYI, My hand and arm are still numb and won’t work correctly. My strength is about 40%. Prayers and respect to all Quads. If you know a Quad or see one, give them an hug and say how amazing their strength is. Some of the strongest people on Earth. As my hand comes back I’ll be able to type and blogs will come faster.

On to dying. I was at home for days stuck in bed feeling sick. I couldn’t get up to take Annie outside or feed her. I could not get up to use the restroom properly and my home became a complete mess. It was overwhelming in so many ways and very disheartening to a person like me that demands the best from myself. To no longer have the strength to live with the independence I cherish came very close to crushing my spirit in the ultimate way. It hurt so much inside. I don’t care about pissing on myself as it happens when people get older and when a person is a paraplegic. The disheartening and soul crushing part was not being able to clean up myself.

My Mom (Carol – Thank You so much) came out to help after I admitted I was in a bad way. My breathing was horrid. I’ve been doing it for 45 years, but for some reason I could not get air. I had to sit cross legged with my head down to breathe. Imagine having to stay in one spot/position to get air. It sucked. Life was happening around me, with people coming and going, the lawn being mowed, packages coming, and I was a statue taking small breaths to simply stay alive. After a week, I called an ambulance. Have I ever mentioned how stubborn I am??

In the ER they found my kidney to be infected again. WOW. I could have told them that. I go thru the motions and get checked into room 7911. Small room. First time in my life I had…. Who knows. I started that sentence earlier and can’t remember what the heck I was planning to say. Oh now I do. Oxygen. First time they put the oxygen on me. It was weird. Didn’t get me high though like they say in fight club. Stupid hospital oxygen. I spent days in that room stuck in bed. No moving just fighting to breathe all day and night. Ma spent the night because it was so rough. My eyes were yellow, body beaten down, very little humor or smiles from me, just pain, hurt, and worry.

Day 4 or 5 I was up again. No sleep in the hospital. NONE. Remember my spasms were going crazy the entire time. They always wanted to lay me flat on my back , irritate the kidney, and make my legs & stomach go insane. My stomach spasms are so strong I can’t breathe when they go. It becomes a clamp on my lungs that makes taking a breath impossible. Think about how scary that would be. Sitting there minding your own business and WHAM you can’t bring air into your body with no idea when it will stop. Now imagine it happens a hundred plus times a day/night.

The clock was 6 AM. The nurse and doctor were talking about discharging me that day. My Mom and I insisted that would not be good for me. I told Mom that I would die if they sent me home as I could feel a lot was wrong still. Everything they were doing was not improving my situation. I couldn’t breathe and my spasms were still going crazy. Remember I had been struggling to breathe for weeks, but now it was real. I was gasping and using all the tiny bit of strength I had to get the smallest amounts of air. It is a crazy feeling to try so hard bring air in and get nothing over and over and over and over…. I was getting legit scared. I have a lot I want to do yet in life. I don’t want to die, not like this…. A fast car on a mountain road, spontaneous combustion, a crazy ex-girlfriend and a kid that ain’t mine, or my favorite going out with a smile at a decently old age after giving away every penny I have to those less fortunate than I am.

The more I struggled the more people came into my tiny room to watch me die. The door was a huge wooden one that the nurse and doctor kept shutting very hard which loud noises make my spasms go off making it double hard to breathe again. Once the doctor came in yelling at me and Mama bear yelled “Hey watch your TONE!!!” My Mom sat back and told me to trust the doctors, but when it goes too far this Farm Mama will stab you with a pitch fork.

Breath so bad it deserves 3 pictures.

The big time doctor came in. He had scrubs on and was a, well male, so you know he was in charge.. Oooo that will get some all stirred up. RELAX. Women are super important. Who else would hold stuff while the doctor works???? He was right up in my grill and clearly ate dog poo for breakfast. Worst breath ever. I was dying. He kept telling me to breathe but I was trying to blow his shit breath away. Take air in, no way, not smelling like that. Here comes death. All the money and time to train a doctor they can’t have one day to learn how to pop an ALTOID before getting in the face of a dying person. Heck, you have a woman right there ready to hold them for you. Ha.

If you mad at a couple men/women jokes this blog is going hurt long term. Take a breathe. Smile. See how easy that is. I couldn’t do it the other day. Don’t get upset at stupid words. If you do, you’ll never have a happy day. On to my death.

I had to see my Mom’s face as I going out. No one should ever have to see that. My Mom’s sad/crushed face while smelling shit breath from a doctor telling me to breathe like I somehow forgot in the last 6 seconds. Pretty much the worst way to go. I couldn’t speak anymore. Not sure if I would have said if I could have. Maybe “Goodbye Ma or Someone got a tic tac for dog shit breath doctor here??” It is a toss up. Then I ran out of gas. Completely. I stopped breathing. I had not one more gasp in me. I just stopped.

FknBucky

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Apr

My Friend named Grandma

By Bucktown Leave a Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anger, bad, blog, call, Celebration, family, farm, friend, garden, Grandma, grandparents, happy, Hard, hartd, Hate, help, Iowa, Life, love, Mom, personal, phone, respect, sad, strength, wife, work

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Just boarded another airplane for another flight home. I’ve done this dozens actually hundreds of times before, but today is different. I’m flying home to say goodbye to one of my dearest friends. I’m so thankful for the time I was able to spend with her and will remember all the wonderful conversations we had over the last 20 years. For those of you that know me personally you know I have friends all over the world and I’ve been blessed to have so many of them. This friend was all alone in her category simply because of her name. Grandma.

I have always been close to my Dads father. I was named after him and that was a small club to be in. I probably don’t deserve his name as he was one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. When he was 80 yrs old I watched him carry a large metal tub filled with corn down to the hog barn to feed the chickens. Ha. Just kidding. There are pigs in the hog barn you fools!! When I would visit my Grandparents, Grandpa and I would sit at the table having tea and thoseamazing chocolate chip cookies only Grandma could make, while G-ma waited on us. Naturally most of the conversation was between us men. It was just the way it was. I mean we all know the golden rule. Women have to be quiet while the men are talking.

My Grandpa passed away 17 years ago and while back visiting Grandma she mentioned she is awake until 2-3 am most nights. I started volunteering at the children’s hospital in San Diego around this time. Every Tuesday night I would open and run a playroom for the kids to get out of their rooms and have some fun. My drive home was 30-40m min and almost always after 9 PM. I like to talk to people when I’m driving, but 9 PM is a little late to call friends to just say “hey”. One night I thought Grandma is awake, I’ll call her. I called, she was up, and we had a great talk. As time went on, week after week, I would continue to call G-ma on my drive home. She looked forward to it and so did I. Something happened during those calls. My Grandma became my friend.

She told me so many stories. How she first knew my Grandfather was the man she would marry. He was at her place to help do some sort of work and as he left the house with the others, my grandma handed him a pair of gloves and their hands touched. Not a quick touch, but long enough to gaze into each others eyes and decide I’m going to marry this person. Simpler times. A hand lingering just long enough to relay the message, but not too long to be creepy.

She told me about her wedding day. They were going to “honeymoon” in Waterloo planning to eat a fine dinner and then going to see a movie. For reasons not discussed the young married couple were running late and had to smash a couple burgers quickly so they could still make the movie on time. The best part was the happiness in her voice as she relived these memories with me. I felt and still feel honored she shared these stories with me. I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to know her so well.

Grandma had so many pictures and was a rock within the family. Doing all she could to keep the family together having family reunions and always encouraging everyone to let go of the anger, be open to kindness, and forgive when necessary. It seems fitting that our whole family will be brought together one more time by Anna Pearl. I can envision her and Grandpa (together again!) looking down at us all with smiles knowing they did their best for their family and I’m not alone when I say THANK YOU to both of them.

Just part of Grandmas super army. Love you forever Grandma.

I will say this. MAKE the time to talk with people you love. None of us are that busy we can’t put forth the effort. Well so and so never calls me, why should I reach out to them??? Why shouldn’t you?? Whatever happened let it go. It isn’t worth dragging that anger anchor around with you. Don’t you want to be free of this pissed off attitude that sucks up all your energy so you can stay mad???

I loved my Grandmother without question. She was a remarkable woman. All that came natural. I’m happiest though knowing I took the time to make my amazing G-ma my best friend while I had the opportunity. She taught me so many lessons that I will use the rest of my life. Many times people will say I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. I have learned very hard lessons that way, but this one time I got ahead of the game. I made sure to appreciate my friend everyday.

The world lost a bright shining light of a human, but heaven gained an angel that will forever be looking down at our families.

That is what I wrote on the flight out. I’m currently on the flight back to Charlotte. At the visitation I went by, but purposely didn’t look into the casket directly. I used a bit of side eye, then closed my eyes, and said a private prayer between Anna Pearl and myself. I didn’t want the vision of her in my head overwhelming all the happy mental pics I’ve taken of her during my life.

My family is far from perfect. My Grandma wasn’t perfect. I am so far from Perphekt that I have to spell it wrong. I might name one of my kids that actually…. Truth is like all families there is some drama and blah blah. I don’t involve myself in that. Some people need conflict and thrive on it. I’m not one of those. I prefer if something has your panties all wadded up, say something, get it off your chest, and then move on.

The celebration of life was awesome. Many of my family members made the trip home and we got to visit, laugh, and enjoy the moment. Anna Pearl got us all together one last time.

We are all going to miss her, but I’ve promised myself to replay the great times in my head and share the advice, family history, and the wisdom my dear friend Grandma passed to me.

I love you Grandma and Grandpa. So happy you are together again. I promise to do my best to encourage everyone to drop the anchors and be happy again. At this stage of the game no body is changing. Just accept your family members for who they are and simply love them unconditionally.

Thank you,

FknBucky

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Feb

Justice?

By Bucktown Leave a Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anger, bad, Cattle, charge, Coop, court, DCI, dog, evil, family, God, good, happy, Hate, Hauler, justice, Karina, kind, kwwl, Life, love, murder, relationships, Ryan, sad, Satan, Tama, Traer, trust

I got a text about Noon telling me that Karina was in custody for the murder of Ryan Cooper. I’m a Traer boy at heart and honestly writing that sentence made me cry. I’m not afraid to admit that. There are a massive amount of emotions going on right now, but the hope is with someone being held accountable and with time people may start healing. Reality is these types of wounds never actually heal. Time goes by and people start to move on to other topics, but we’ll never forget or be whole again. A part of us was taken that can’t regrow or be replaced. The hurt will never fully go away even as time goes by and we start to talk about the price of beans, the road construction on D65, or the prick up the road that keeps tearing up the dirt road.

Truth is as much as I prayed that justice would come in this case, I realized today it doesn’t change the pain or make sense of this BS. We were all robbed of an amazing friend, brother, son, father, and the world was better and happier with Ryan a part of it. He will never be forgotten. That is a fact. He is still here with us thru the children he was taken from. I pray everyone remembers they are the ultimate victims in all of this. Please talk with your kids about how crazy this situation is and make sure they understand how their words can help or hurt so choose them very wisely. I can’t imagine dealing with the nightmare they’ve been given at NO FAULT of their own. Life is not fair on levels I didn’t realize were possible.

I’ve had a good number of friends reach out to me and all of them say the same thing. The hurt is like this just happened yesterday. I meant the words I wrote 2.5 years ago the brotherhood one becomes a member of living in a small town. The Busch Light brotherhood I called it. Membership can’t be bought, it can only be earned. It is lifetime membership with annual dues being make sure you have a big cooler of beer ready to go once the work is done.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family. I know they will most likely read this and I hope they understand how much Ryan touched my life, he was loved, and appreciated by many others. I spoke with another friend today who was asked to testify this morning about Ryan. She told me that she said “You can ask anyone in Traer or anyone that knew Ryan, there isn’t a person on Earth that had issues with him. There was no fighting, no running of the mouth, and simply just a great man that could be relied on no matter what it was he agreed to do. I have met thousands of people in my life. NOT one can be compared to Coop.

I don’t know what will happen in court. I do say let the rule of law take its course. This event only proves once again that evil exists in the world. I don’t know why. Heaven or Hell, Good or Bad, God or Satan, BIg Bang Theory and not Big Bang Theory. Whatever you believe doesn’t change the fact that evil is around us everyday. Some people get very good at hiding it. There is no reasoning, no explanations to be had, and simply the hard truth tells us that it is real.

Ryan didn’t deserve this evil done to him and we all know that. His kids should have their father still. It makes me beyond angry to think of how unfair this is. He should be old and gray watching grandkids open Christmas presents. I can see him in his den surrounded by toy tractors on the wall, some deer mounts from successful hunts, and of course a 1:8 scale cattle hauler that cost as much as his first car on display that everyone knows isn’t for playing with. Well not until Grandpa had his special drinks and ends up on the floor playing farm with the young ones.

I am surprised at how fresh these feelings of hurt are. We appreciate the small town for many things. Knowing people your whole life, your kids and their kids go to school together, and eventually your grandkids and their grandkids go to school together. There is a feeling of safety in a small town and it brings comfort to us knowing everyone. The downside is when something really really tragic happens it affects everyone. This is that. This hurts everyone. I believe the police have done their job and done it well. They didn’t cave to people screaming we want justice now, but slowly built up a solid case against Karina. She is innocent until proven guilty, but I will not be donating to her defense fund.

I say this to my Busch Light brothers and sisters. Please don’t let your anger and hatred dim the shining light Ryan brought to us all. His memory should not be tainted by this evil human that abused his love, manipulated his trust, and stole a father from his children. I will choose to remember him flipping me off from the cab of that cattle hauler. Twice he got me. The snapchats he sent telling me he smelled like money when I said he was covered in shit. He deserves that. For all of us to remember him for who he was and not for how he was taken away.

Give hugs to people you love and then tell them “I love you.”

I don’t know what else to say. I just have a lot of emotions and writing is how I deal with things I can’t process yet. I know I’m not alone in that.

FknBucky

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Jan

Screw your structure

By Bucktown 1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Alba, anger, Biden, Bob, boyfriend, chaos, dog, fake, first, football, Fun, girlfirend, good, happy, Hate, impress, jess, kind, Life, lose, love, news, Packers, podcast, reality, sad, structure, Time, trump

Sunday. My favorite day of the week. It is for many reasons, but the stress free morning on Sunday makes it something to look forward to. Unless you are hungover from a late Saturday night and promised a cute nice girl you would be at 9 AM service for church. That is never me because I don’t date women that go to church. This is by choice. Their choice. Clearly.

I make one heck of a first impression showing up with FknBucky t-shirts for Mom and Dad, making sure I tell a joke about how her Mom needs an XL to fit over those massive boobs she paid for 7 years ago. This comment always goes over well so make sure you say it loud as you grab a beer from the fridge. Then tell her Dad he needs to buy better beer and a lot more of it cause you like to get your drink on while watching the football game. To help round out this day of first impression be sure to include her 15 year old brother by calling him a pansy for saying no when you asked him to shotgun a beer with you. Almost done now. One last thing to do before you claim victory in awesomeness. Tell her 13 year old sister that “Damn gurl, you’re going to be hot in a couple years once your boobs grow in and you no longer need to wear the padded bra!!”

First impressions are so much fun. Clearly I’m an expert. The Packers game yesterday was so much fun to watch. That team is going to be a contender for many years so Detroit if you are going to win a championship, do it now. You’ll be dominated by GB for the next 15 years. hahaha. I would be worried about offending some Detroit Lions fans, but everyone knows people from Detroit don’t know how to read. I had a point earlier that I was planning to get to, but maybe I forgot what it was. Actually no maybe about it, I can’t remember what I was thinking about earlier.

Jessica Alba is just hot. Always makes me smile.. 🙂

Maybe there doesn’t need to be a clear point. Maybe sometimes in life you have to just wing it and take what the world is sending to you. The more you try to control everything the more disappointed you will be in life. It is that simple. I go thru phases. Sometimes I’m just smiling with the “ef it” attitude and other times I have this vision of what everything should look like and I bust my ass trying to force that vision on others and force it to become reality for me. Hmmm I needed to hear that. I’m trying to force things in life right now. I gotta remember my own advice. I don’t try to fake it with you wonderful people that read my words. We are in this together. Having the answers only helps if you use that knowledge. Knowing better and doing better are not the same thing.

Remember this. Life is more enjoyable when it isn’t planned out. Life is hard when you don’t have a plan. To be a person of character means you have to be a person of structure. To be a good human to those you love, you have to be wiling to drop everything at a moments notice to do something dumb and crazy. WTF Bucky?? Exactly. It will never make perfect sense. LIfe is hard. It is painful. It is unfair. The good die too early. Bad people will win sometimes. I’m going to throw a nice bow on this blog for you just because I love you.

As you can see, I searched Bob vs Fun TIme. This is what I got.

Enjoy the moments. If you get 3 hours of laughter with friends/family, CHERISH it. Don’t leave early. Don’t worry about the report due tomorrow at work. Ef that report. Be present in the fun time. It doesn’t happen often so simply enjoy it. Don’t throw shade bringing up old crap to Bob from 8 years ago. Bob is a penis head. Everyone knows that. Don’t let him ruin fun time. Let nothing ruin fun time. Enjoy what you have RIGHT now. There is always a chance it will be gone tomorrow.

FknBucky

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Subcribe to the podcast. I’m telling you now I’m going to make it work. I’ve never in life felt so sure about anything. I will not allow myself to fail. Not because I want money and fame, but simply because I want to become the man it will force me to be to enable me to be successful. That is the true reward. Are your goals leading you towards being a better person?? — Another blog coming soon.

Jan

The Power of Heated Steering Wheel

By Bucktown 1 Comment

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: anger, beer, Busch, car, cars, corrupt, d, dog, electric-cars, family, good, happy, heat, Life, love, middle, minivan, politic, politicians, power, R, right, sad, steering, wrong

What is going on here?? I started this blog before the Iowa Caucus so that is why I’m talking about Vivek. Just because he dropped out doesn’t mean I don’t like him anymore. I’m grateful I took the time to listen to him. As genuine a person you will find.

I try hard to stay out of politics, but I could not resist talking about Vivek. The man intrigues me and truth be told, I like him. My liking him has nothing to do with him getting elected or what your opinion should be of him. I promise not to harp on this particular subject to often, but I want to take you on a written word drive right now. Buckle up!! You just might learn to use that head of yours for more than a Busch Light entry hole.

It is cold. Thanks for pointing out some obvious crap Bucky, you might say. I had an appointment with my go to Asian masseuse this morning so I had to head out around 8 am. I bought a minivan a few years ago so I could drive the wheelchairs and equipment I sell around. I thought about getting a “cooler” car, but truth is I can not pick up girls in a minivan just as good as I can not pick them up in a Porsche Cayenne. I really want one, someday I’ll be able to afford a poster of one to put above my bed or something. My minivan is cool though it has tinted windows, spilled chips, and my personal favorite smells like whatever Annie rolled in yesterday.

The minivan has a heated steering wheel. I’d never heard of such a thing to be honest and didn’t even realize it was there when I bought the van. One day it was cold and I used the auto start. When I got into the van and started driving I thought “Ooooo, that’s nice…”. There is a point, just hang on. Last I’ve thought about it. It is normal now. I was looking at new vans last night just because and found one I liked with low miles. Looking at the options on it, I noticed there was no heated steering wheel, and that meant it was a no go. That option is simply too good to give up in my tiny human brain.

Now. Let’s look at something else. Power. It is better than drugs. Making people do things because you have power over them. A boss. A parent. A tough guy. A politician. Hmmm interesting now eh.. A boss can be fired. A parent can only rule 18 years. A tough guy, well there is always someone tougher. A politician only needs to manipulate your tiny brain every few years. You see the power they acquire is like my heated steering wheel. They can’t give it up. Seemingly good people corrupt themselves in the name of “helping you”, helping me, helping the guy that can’t help himself. They remind themselves how important and smart they are. You would be lost without them so that justifies hanging onto that power no matter what it takes.

They say “This is good for you, trust me!” Nope. My BS meter goes off anytime someone says this is good for you. How do you know what is good for me? You aren’t me. You’re not my spouse, best friend, or at the very least someone that knows what color Tommy John I got on today. These boxer briefs are like heaven. Worth every penny even though I shoplift mine. As long as you’re under $1,000 they don’t prosecute. Hey don’t blame me. You keep voting these idiots into power. I had to Bucky, the TV told me the other guy was racist and killed gays on the weekend. Just knowing your level of stupid exists makes me feel better about myself.

Every year the power these folks have becomes more and more addicting. For Big Bangs sake why do we have senators that are 90 some years old?? WHY??? 50 years in public service. I have another beef there. Public service my butt. Why you worth 200 million when you started out broke?? Job only pays $150,000 a year. I don’t blame the politicians. I blame you. I blame me. My parents. Your parents. Our neighbors. We allow it to happen over and over and over….. As long as they have a D or an R by their name they are on my side. Here is the truth. You don’t have a side.

So money and power. Hmmm thank baby Jesus (Just watched Talladaga nights) that money and power have never corrupted good people in the history of mankind. Clearly the 700 folks that have it would never do anything questionable to keep it. They lie to your face. They manipulate facts to push their agenda. They suppress video evidence. They lose emails. They hide behind this and that. They kill Jeff. There is nothing they won’t do to keep the power, the money, and the opportunity for MORE.

I just wanted a heated steering wheel. My brain went all crazy blaming my steering wheel wishes on corrupt politicians. Now I will get a cold wheel and get rid of power steering to try and save my soul.

Stop following, trusting, and believing in people because “they” tell you to.

READ the language of actions.

LISTEN to what they don’t say.

WATCH who benefits from what they do.

FknBucky

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Subscribe to the podcast!!

Nov

On the Edge

By Bucktown 2 Comments

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: beautiful, check, danger, dog, Edge, free, Fun, happy, Hate, Life, live, love, mad, run, sad, view, walk

I think I am just going to make every blog start with, it has been a while since I’ve posted on here….. Life is chaos. Mine is certainly full. I try hard to be enough for everyone I know, but I feel as though I constantly fall short and let people down. It is never my intention to fall short of expectations, but it still happens. I recently watched the movie “Dog” with Channing Tatum. I bet that guy wakes up everyday and says “Darn it, why can’t I be handsome like FknBucky??” Ahhh my twenties. Good days.

Don’t worry this entire blog is not going to be about how flipping good looking I am. Although it would make for some great reading. Nope, not today. I take Annabel out for a couple runs just about every day. She knows the route by heart and once I give the green light she takes off like a race car doing the quarter mile. She simply can’t get there fast enough. Where is there??? That is a great question.

We have checkpoints I created since she was a puppy. The easiest ones are streets. She can’t cross a street EVER unless I say okay. She will run to the very tip of the sidewalk. One more inch and she would be technically in the street so she doesn’t cross that line, but still gets as close to it as dogginly possible. Some people get freaked out at this, but I’ve learned to trust her. That line will not be crossed until I give permission. The word is “okay”, that gives permission to run ahead to the next checkpoint. I test her sometimes by yelling “Open”, “Almost”, and other similar sounding words. She flinches, but realizes those are not the right word and will sit and wait. Quite impressive.

The edge. One paw almost touching. I used to get almost upset in the beginning, but as I mentioned I trust her now so it doesn’t bother me anymore. In fact we had a conversation about it. I asked “Annie, why do you insist on being on the very edge??” She replied “The view is better.”

Think on that for a moment. I’m a great view kind of guy. I enjoy the edge. It makes me feel alive. To be safe, but close enough to the danger that I can smell it, taste it, and reach out and touch it if I wanted to. I’ve always been that way, but like everyone I had to grow up to properly know who I am. In life I don’t have time to waste so I’m flying to the next checkpoint as fast as possible, giving myself time to enjoy the view from the edge. Once the slow pokes finally catch up we all start again, but they never see the view I just witnessed because they just keep moving at that snail pace never realizing they missed out on something remarkable, beautiful, and many times life changing.

I remember a time we were driving around the mountains in Colorado on a Sunday afternoon. Nothing to do besides tell jokes and mess with each other. We stopped a few times to check out some views. One was on a very tall cliff. I’m sure something like a thousand feet down. We had four in the group, but only two of us ventured to the edge. Right on it. I stood there with my friend as the adrenaline started to pump understanding an inch or two separated me from certain death. I wasn’t scared. I was alive. The view was more gorgeous and precious. The moment went from nothing to a memory I’ll never forget as I stepped closer and closer to the edge. The other two guys were 20 ft behind us literally shaking with fear just thinking about being where I was. It was one of the first moments of my life that fear became a noun.

I understand who I am. I take risks. I enjoy the edge. I like the view. You have to figure out you. Don’t stand on the edge unless you are willing to accept the consequences. There is always a price to pay.

Whether you are in the front, middle, or back is up to you. Just be sure wherever you end up that you take time to enjoy the moment with those around you. When you feel your life is in chaos remember to control the only thing you always have control of. Your attitude.

FknBucky

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