Posts Tagged ‘sad



27
Feb
21

Poop Bag Character

I am a student of life. I’m amazed at the behavior of people and wonder about how they can be so lazy when it comes to thinking of others above themselves. I witness dozens of interactions every week that could go so much better if people simply took a moment to see how they can make the world better with a simple action. I do my best to think about other people and actively look to find a way I can do something for them making the world a tiny bit better. You don’t have to be Oprah and give everyone a free car to do something life changing for a stranger.

The other day I took Annabel out for a long walk. I usually take about 5 poop bags with me. Trust me this puppy is healthy and like her human Dad completely full of shit. Ha. Figured I’d get a ahead of that one. No softballs here buddy. I don’t usually need that many, but I would rather have extra than not enough. Old lessons from living on the farm. Always take an extra one or two because the one time you need them, you’re going to be real glad you did. I usually bag up the Annie treasures and then leave them on a corner or place I know I’m coming back to. No need to carry a poop bag around. On the way home after doing our laps thru the neighborhood I can grab all the bags and put them into the trash can.

The trash can is a dog poop station if you will. A pole with a trash can and the top of it has poop bags for people that don’t bring one with them. I always take them with me from my home and refill at the drop off, but hey I’m smart. So this particular day I made my deposit and noticed there were no more bags for other people. Not my problem right?? I turned and started rolling away, but that voice in my head said “You can do better Bucky.” The voice was right and I could do better. I had two unused bags in my pocket. I turned around and put those two bags in the empty box so that the next two people would have a bag. I was able to help two random people, but more importantly I was able to help keep my environment clean of dog poop.

It took almost no effort from me, no one would know what I did (until I share it here), and it helped someone else be a responsible person and pick up after their dog. I share because it really is that easy to be a good person. I hope that you go out and actively LOOK for places to make a positive difference in your neighborhood. People see you doing good things and it is contagious. I need no praise or someone to say good job, but what does make me feel proud is when others follow my lead. That means I’m doing my job as a human. This reminds me of a time I was dropping the nephews off at the airport.

We were checking in at the main area when some how the box of luggage tags got knocked over and spilled everywhere. I didn’t do it so it wasn’t my problem. I mean they have people that work there so I could just ignore it and go on with my life. Who cares if the line is super long and the guy behind the counter is doing all he can to move people thru faster. Now he has to pick up all these luggage tags while I watch. We both know that isn’t what happened. Actually my nephew set his bag down and started to pick them all up. Organizing them to go back into the box like they were supposed to and I could not have been prouder of that kid. Without prompting he simply did what was right and kind. Remember someone is always watching what actions you take. I hope you set a good example.

I have another person I used to know back in my snowboarding days that told me a story about how he found a wallet while out walking with his daughter. He bragged to me that it had a couple hundred dollars in it which he kept and then threw the wallet into a trash can. He justified his actions by saying the guy gave him a dirty look while he parked his car. I have no idea why this individual thought I would be impressed by his crap story. It makes me sad because this young lady is learning wrong and her Dad is a D-Bag thief. He had such an opportunity to show his daughter how to be the bigger person (if you believe dirty look story, which I do not), how to do the right thing, and let her experience the feeling a person gets when they do the right thing. If you don’t feel shame when keeping the wallet that makes me even sadder.

So don’t sit back and wait for this perfect moment to do something kind. Look for those moments. Seek them out, experience the feeling you get when doing something kind, and become addicted to that feeling. Trust me you are not that busy, you are not that important, and you are robbing yourself every day you put off doing the random acts of kindness. Like just about everything it isn’t only about you. By being lazy you are most likely robbing someone that looks up to you the lesson of being kind simply because it makes you a better person, a person of integrity, and a person of good character. Don’t rob kids of that lesson.

Do kind things. It really is that simple.

FknBucky

26
Feb
21

Lesson Time

The last couple days tested me to see if I would break, but we all know that isn’t happening. Not now, not ever. I don’t get bothered by being knocked down. It will never stop happening so why let it get to you??? To many of us have forgotten how important that lesson is for ourselves AND for the leaders of tomorrow. Our kids need to be knocked down. Sometimes two days in a row. Learning to handle life when it isn’t going your way is one of the most important lessons adults can give to kids. When you have the strength to say “Not today”, I’m not going to let some BS get to me today the world changes. It becomes less scary. You know that no matter what happens you are going to handle it.

Once I get past the “mother F**#^&$R, God DS&^$, Son of a B*#^$ moments on the floor I do what it takes to get back up. I believe I needed to learn that lesson or at least remind myself that we don’t get to pick when “hard times” come. We can only react to it. Luckily we have 100% control on how we react to the hard. What is your reaction?? Do you even know?? Has someone loved you enough to let you fall two days in a row and figure it out on your own??? I sure hope so. You simply have to accept that things happen in life. Sometimes those things are two days in a row and it sucks, but you have to rise above the suck or like a T-Shirt I have seen before “Embrace the Suck.”

I have the strength to forget portions of things. There is just something about me that has always understood that the lesson is important so learn it, keep it, file it, but let the rest of the BS go. Drop it like an old pair of shoes. Later. There was a day back when I was snowboarding that I won’t ever forget. I may have shared this story before, but here it is again. This guy from Chicago who was very charismatic was in the snowboard shop. All the employees (about 5-6) were gathered around him during slow time laughing. He was most likely in his 50’s, but cool. I wasn’t in the group yet but noticed a group of people laughing and I was going join that. I walked up saying something cause that is what I do and this gentleman looked me up and down. The group stopped and it was just him staring at me. Then he said “F*ck you.” I cocked my head like Annabel does when she is trying to understand me. I thought I have to fight this old man?? I hope he took multi-vitamin because IA/WI was about to be represented proper. He repeated it adding “F*ck you, You’re that guy.”

Now I’m curious. Smiling at him I’m like what?? He said ”You’re that guy. No matter what happens you are always okay.” I just went from expecting an ass kicking cause if you have ever been in a real fight you know better than to fight “old men”. They are meaner than your dumbass. A young buck like myself had to worry about looking cool, but old men don’t give a F about looking cool. They will hit you with a board, walk away slowly sipping their coffee, and probably buy you a beer later unless you’re a super d-bag. Don’t fight old men. Okay, but now I’m trying to understand what he meant. The whole group was looking at me when he repeated it. He said “No matter what happens, you’re always okay.” I couldn’t argue the point. He was right. How he could see that so quickly has always been a mystery to me. I had self confidence for days so maybe that?? It stuck with me and I’ve drawn strength from those words a complete stranger said to me many many times. I would love to see him again. Let me know if you run into him. He was a tall black man from Chicago that told funny jokes. There that should narrow it down.

I had way different ideas for blogs this week, but sometimes a different message demands to be shared. I can only assume someone that reads this blog needed to hear about me falling two days in a row only to get right back up smiling two days in a row. The smashed screen on my IPad is a bummer, but it is a thing and I promise you there is NOT one possession I have that if taken away will ruin my day. Ef that. I will never let any worldly possession be that important to me. Try it. It is liberating. Of course I’ll be bummed as some things are cool, but it is only stuff. Memories and friendships. That is where you put ALL of your focus and you’ll have a very fulfilling life. Feel free to donate on my non-existent Go Fund Me Page so I can buy a new IPAD.

ACTUALLY I do know of a person in need right now of some help. I will put the link below. Every dollar is important so please help if you can.

If you can’t help financially please simply share it. The more people that see it, the more help we can do. EVERY dollar helps so no donation is too small. This is a person who’s living situation has become very difficult. The only bathroom is upstairs and do to the progression of his CP he is no longer able to climb the stairs. Take a moment and imagine that. Thousands if not millions of people overcome insane obstacles to simply survive, and you’re crying about what exactly??? Don’t worry there is no my problems are bigger than yours competition, but sometimes understanding what others go thru can help give us strength to tackle our own problems.

I feel good this AM and don’t worry I’m so paranoid about falling again that I’ve rearranged my living room. Probably should have done that after the first fall, but I assumed that was a fluke. Now I know that lightening will strike twice in the world of FknBucky so I had better be ready for it. So remember just because something hard happened to you yesterday doesn’t make you immune to it today. When it happens you have to take a moment for anger, shame, and sadness, but then move on. That poor me baggage will weigh YOU down. No one else. Personally I’m going to look for extra ways to spread kindness today. It will make me feel awesome knowing that I took the energy from falling and passed it on as a positive for someone. I could easily use that energy and snap at someone else to make them feel like crap. If I’m hurt then someone else should be too. That is a stupid thing to do so don’t do it.

Take a breath, take a moment, and then do something kind for anyone expecting nothing in return. The expecting nothing IS the most important part. Do kind things because it is the right thing to do and builds positive character in you. You can’t buy positive character no matter how much money you have, but you can earn it every single day for free.

Happy Friday

FknBucky

24
Feb
21

Falling down

I wasn’t planning to write this AM, but I want to get this out while still very fresh. You can see in the picture that I’m a crappy housekeeper. I just leave my mess until the clean house fairy shows up usually dressed like a family member or Vern & Lori. Love those fairies. Okay not true well not all the way true anyway. Nope I got up this AM just like you ready to tackle the day and get started. I usually check work emails first thing to make sure there is nothing being held up by me. The medical equipment can be life or death in a sense and almost always needed sooner not later. Easy enough right. First of all I reached down to the floor to get my charger cable which caused a large spasm in my leg kicking the table spilling my just opened Red Bull all over everything on the table. Awesome. Love that.

After cleaning that up I get back to email land. My body needing attention this AM decides it can do better. One ginormous spasm to make sure the job gets done. I could not fall backwards because of the card table so somehow I spasmed sideways taking the table, chair, and everything with me. The picture today is the carnage that was left behind. The concrete floors are awesome for rolling on, but suck for traction when trying to plant my feet and lift my fat Ass up into my chair. You can’t imagine the flood of emotions when this crap happens. Anger is a given, but the shame and sadness are the hurtful ones. I made a mistake 19 years ago getting on that motorcycle and I pay for it every single moment of every single day of my life. I don’t believe the punishment fits the crime.

Laying down on the ground with no help coming is a situation I would rather avoid. These spasms are just pricks. To make things more fun I’m completely naked as I take a shower after checking morning emails. Laying on the floor I simply think “this isn’t fair”, I’m a happy positive thinker so why does this happen to me?? Who knows. My ankles are vulnerable and I have to be extremely careful how I drag myself around to get back into the chair. Years of scrapping the skin off of them has left the skin weak and easily damaged when things like this happen. I really dislike laying on the floor with zero good options to get back into my chair.

I had to use my brain and Macgyver the crap out of my world to get back on track. I used the package to get a few inches off the floor allowing my legs to stay in the right position enabling me to set up the next lift. Look closely you can see my but imprint on the box. After trying several times I finally made it. No step was easy though. It was very hard and by the time I got back into my chair I was beyond angry. I don’t know the name of the emotion that was running thru my body at that time. I will tell you though, this is the worst way to start a day. I would much rather crawl into bed and redo life tomorrow. That is not an option though.

I don’t share this story for sympathy. I don’t need it, if I wanted sympathy there are many people at the ready to give it to me. Helps nothing so I prefer to not go down that road. I share this so that you might be able to say “wow waking up without enough milk for my cereal is not that big a deal.” When you see me later smiling and telling jokes remember there is no point in crying to you or anyone about my morning fall. It just makes me look weak and I don’t like looking or sounding weak. I tell you this simply because it happened. This is real life and I want to be as honest as possible in what I share in my writing.

I got thru it today and I will get thru it tomorrow. Want to know why I get thru it?? Because I’m a badass. Not really. It is because of you. All of you. My friends and my family. I love, truly fucking love having those moments when we can’t stop laughing. I love the moments when I see life and hope return to a person I help while mentoring/volunteering. I can actually see hope enter a persons body and I promise you there is nothing more powerful or fulfilling than that. I love watching my nieces and nephews grow up into young adults and remember their little faces when Uncle Bucky was coming thru the front door. Now their faces are big, but they still light up when I come around. I love beautiful women of all shapes, sizes, colors, and they used to love me when I was young and good looking, but now I’m old and fat so I admire from afar. Still admire though. I love to travel and try new things any chance I get.

If was to spend anymore time crying about that fall today after I got back up in the chair and the ordeal was over I would have been wasting precious time. I did tell a couple people close to me as venting is something I have to do but other than that I let that BS go. See you later. Why in the F word would I want to carry that brick of anger around with me for the rest of the day, the rest of the week or even the rest of the year. It would accomplish absolutely nothing except hold me back from living my best life. Yeah it sucks, yeah it happened, but that is over now. Move on.

I wasn’t going to share this story. I talked myself out of it this afternoon, but getting ready for bed I realized it is exactly what I mean when I say you must not waste time. How many of my days I have left in my life was I going to commit to this accident??? I voted zero so that is what it got. Don’t feel sorry for me unless you’re female and insist on giving me a lap dance to cheer me up. I will be as sad as you want me… haha. Relax bra burners. I respect women and don’t think they are only here for lap dances. Someone has to make me a sandwich cause lap dances make me hungry. My sense of humor will never leave me. Don’t let others steal your laughter.

Be kind to others, when you fall down (literally and figuratively) get the F back up, and let it go immediately. With no poor me baggage you are free to run to the next happy time. Run fast and take others with you.

FknBucky

16
Feb
20

Days

159337D3-4F9D-4F5B-A92C-598CCC5E6884Hello internet people.  It has been a while since I’ve shared with you.  I need to write more than I have been as I use it to get thoughts out of my head.  Right now I would like to share the way I think about days.  You see you only have so many days in your life.  I understood this at a very early age and decided to live my life accordingly.  I was having tea with my Grandfather when I was 15.  He was 80ish at this time and made the comment how he remembered being 15 like me, but then one day he woke up and was 80.  His voice trailed off as he said it and I understood at that exact moment how quickly life passes by.  I knew that I didn’t want to waste any days.

We all have no knowledge of what the future holds.  Will you live to be 80??  Will you die tomorrow in a car accident??  We all hope not, but either way we all die sometime which means you only have a set amount of days left.  What will you do with them???   Let’s use some easy numbers to drive my point home.   10,000 days is equal to around 27 years which puts me at 68 years old.  Still young to some and super old to others.  Okay now we have our days.

I want to ask a couple questions with the first being what did you do the last 10 days?? Did you work towards your goals???  Do you have goals??  Remember we only have 10,000 days to get it all done.  How many days did you lay on the couch all day??  How many did you chalk up to being a “bad day”??   Was it 2, 3, or maybe 5??  Let’s say 3 days fall into the couch/bad day category.  That is 30% or 3,000 of your remaining days.  Fuck.  I know, it is crazy when you think of it like that.

There is work also as most of us are not trust fund babies.  We work on average 260 days a year.  This on our 27 year plan is about 7,000 days.  So between bad days, couch days, and work days we just pissed away our entire 10,000 days.  That sucks.  So for the heck of it lets say you only work 4 days a week so we gain back 1,000 days.  How many of those days are you willing to piss away feeling sorry for yourself, wishing the past was different instead of concentrating on making the future awesome, and holding grudges that mean nothing instead of enjoying the people around you???

Maybe you want to spend your days being a victim, I’m a girl, I have a disability, I’m the wrong color, my sexuality holds me back, or some other BS that gets wrapped up in our heads.  I’m not saying those things aren’t real or even a problem, but allowing those things to dictate how we live our lives is bullshit.  Never let the stupidity or ignorance of others change your goals or how you enjoy life.  You only get so many days don’t give ANY to people that don’t deserve them.

What do you want to go see??   What do you want to learn??  Who would you like to meet?? These are the questions you should ask yourself every morning.  I personally am not willing to trade any days whining and complaining about things I can’t change.  It isn’t worth it.  One day God willing I will wake up and be 80.  My first thought on that day  needs to be “I’m sure glad I didn’t waste any days”…

Think about it.

FknBucky




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