Posts Tagged ‘trust

30
Jun
24

Same Caramel Different Day

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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ZERO fat???? I asked. “Yes” was the reply. I had just mixed up my scrambled eggs up with butter, bacon, and love. I didn’t even get one bite when the doctor came in and looked at my kidney drain. Not one bite. The drain was cloudy. Cloudy is bad.

I

If I wanted to go home I had to commit to a zero fat diet for two weeks. Not idea what that entailed, but what the heck, I wanted to sleep in my own bed so I agreed. How hard could it be?? Turns out there is fat in Häagen Dazs. The world hates me is my only conclusion. All the things I love have fat in them.

My sister helped clear out the bad and shopped for the healthy before she picked me up to take me back to the apartment. I’m lucky to have a great group of family and friends. I spent yesterday cleaning and organizing my bedroom. You see the last five plus years have been insanely hard on me due to this darn infection, but I couldn’t see it. My energy went down, my pain went up, and life in general slowly began to downgrade allowing my world to descend into chaos. Fancy way to say my home is a mess.

While organizing and cleaning my bedroom I found something the sister missed. A large piece of caramel I bought a few days ago while at the the mall. You know the candy store by the door with insanely yummy everything.. I loaded up before surgery thinking if things go bad my corpse will be full of chocolate goodness. I lived so I was a man with way too much sugar in his system and a leftover caramel in his bedroom.

My first thought was I’m eating this M Eff’er right now. Then I remembered who I am. FknBucky? Nope. Bucky? Nope. Allen? Nope. I am a man of character and self discipline. I haven’t always won every battle in my life, but I’m not losing this one. I take a bite and it will taste amazing. After 57 hours of ZERO fat I’ve earned a little yummy. Bull$h!t. The goal to reach is two weeks.

I take that bite and all I’ll taste is guilt and failure. I’ve done that before and learned that lesson. Not this time. My character isn’t for sale. I will wait two weeks and that bite will be one of power and satisfaction. That little caramel bite will give me strength for the next battle that will surely come.

We all have it in us. Wait it out.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

This meme just made me laugh.

20
Feb
24

Justice?

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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I got a text about Noon telling me that Karina was in custody for the murder of Ryan Cooper. I’m a Traer boy at heart and honestly writing that sentence made me cry. I’m not afraid to admit that. There are a massive amount of emotions going on right now, but the hope is with someone being held accountable and with time people may start healing. Reality is these types of wounds never actually heal. Time goes by and people start to move on to other topics, but we’ll never forget or be whole again. A part of us was taken that can’t regrow or be replaced. The hurt will never fully go away even as time goes by and we start to talk about the price of beans, the road construction on D65, or the prick up the road that keeps tearing up the dirt road.

Truth is as much as I prayed that justice would come in this case, I realized today it doesn’t change the pain or make sense of this BS. We were all robbed of an amazing friend, brother, son, father, and the world was better and happier with Ryan a part of it. He will never be forgotten. That is a fact. He is still here with us thru the children he was taken from. I pray everyone remembers they are the ultimate victims in all of this. Please talk with your kids about how crazy this situation is and make sure they understand how their words can help or hurt so choose them very wisely. I can’t imagine dealing with the nightmare they’ve been given at NO FAULT of their own. Life is not fair on levels I didn’t realize were possible.

I’ve had a good number of friends reach out to me and all of them say the same thing. The hurt is like this just happened yesterday. I meant the words I wrote 2.5 years ago the brotherhood one becomes a member of living in a small town. The Busch Light brotherhood I called it. Membership can’t be bought, it can only be earned. It is lifetime membership with annual dues being make sure you have a big cooler of beer ready to go once the work is done.

My thoughts and prayers are with his family. I know they will most likely read this and I hope they understand how much Ryan touched my life, he was loved, and appreciated by many others. I spoke with another friend today who was asked to testify this morning about Ryan. She told me that she said “You can ask anyone in Traer or anyone that knew Ryan, there isn’t a person on Earth that had issues with him. There was no fighting, no running of the mouth, and simply just a great man that could be relied on no matter what it was he agreed to do. I have met thousands of people in my life. NOT one can be compared to Coop.

I don’t know what will happen in court. I do say let the rule of law take its course. This event only proves once again that evil exists in the world. I don’t know why. Heaven or Hell, Good or Bad, God or Satan, BIg Bang Theory and not Big Bang Theory. Whatever you believe doesn’t change the fact that evil is around us everyday. Some people get very good at hiding it. There is no reasoning, no explanations to be had, and simply the hard truth tells us that it is real.

Ryan didn’t deserve this evil done to him and we all know that. His kids should have their father still. It makes me beyond angry to think of how unfair this is. He should be old and gray watching grandkids open Christmas presents. I can see him in his den surrounded by toy tractors on the wall, some deer mounts from successful hunts, and of course a 1:8 scale cattle hauler that cost as much as his first car on display that everyone knows isn’t for playing with. Well not until Grandpa had his special drinks and ends up on the floor playing farm with the young ones.

I am surprised at how fresh these feelings of hurt are. We appreciate the small town for many things. Knowing people your whole life, your kids and their kids go to school together, and eventually your grandkids and their grandkids go to school together. There is a feeling of safety in a small town and it brings comfort to us knowing everyone. The downside is when something really really tragic happens it affects everyone. This is that. This hurts everyone. I believe the police have done their job and done it well. They didn’t cave to people screaming we want justice now, but slowly built up a solid case against Karina. She is innocent until proven guilty, but I will not be donating to her defense fund.

I say this to my Busch Light brothers and sisters. Please don’t let your anger and hatred dim the shining light Ryan brought to us all. His memory should not be tainted by this evil human that abused his love, manipulated his trust, and stole a father from his children. I will choose to remember him flipping me off from the cab of that cattle hauler. Twice he got me. The snapchats he sent telling me he smelled like money when I said he was covered in shit. He deserves that. For all of us to remember him for who he was and not for how he was taken away.

Give hugs to people you love and then tell them “I love you.”

I don’t know what else to say. I just have a lot of emotions and writing is how I deal with things I can’t process yet. I know I’m not alone in that.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

26
Nov
22

Can you be trusted??

By Bucktown 2 Comments
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Saturday. I was up at 3:30 again last night. Not sure what that is all about, but I didn’t write. I watched “Kings of Pain” on one of my apps where they get stung by a centipede from Asian forest. That might be the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.

I can “man up” when needed to kill a spider, creepy, gross, and crawly thing, but deep down I hate them. Many a time in my life I’ve had to grab a spider with my bare hand and without a doubt every single time I was secretly wishing someone else would do it. In Cali when Alex lived with me, she screamed “spider”, and pointed at her bed when I rolled in there. Sure enough a big black jerk face spider was hauling butt across her blanket. There was no time to ponder what to do. If I lost sight of it there was a good chance I’d never find it and no one wants to sleep in spider bed. I just reached out, grabbed it, and killed it instantly by smushing it in my hand. I was a hero. I went into my room, did the “Willies” shake, and thought about how much that sucked.

Go back and read “EAT YOUR BEANS” part 1 and 2. Then make your sons read it. Everyday.

I had a message I wanted to get into on this blog, but not sure I want to just yet. Life has been difficult as usual lately. The ever easy days that I had in my twenties aren’t around anymore. Waking up next to a beautiful woman on a Saturday morning, who I would offer a ride home if she remembered my name, but didn’t reveal the fact that I didn’t own a car. The ride home was the Summit Stage. Man I was awesome. Dimples are amazing. I would just smile as I explained how to walk to the bus stop and Friday night hook-up would laugh at my cuteness…. I’d have a quick puff puff, head to the hill, and snowboard all day with my friends that would most definitely be there. We didn’t have cell phones, didn’t bother making plans, and just knew where my crew would be at. Great days.

I just thought about being 19 in Iowa. I had a great friend (still a great friend) that I hung out with every day. Back in those days we always had a cooler in the trunk filled with ice cold Busch Light. I don’t recommend drinking and driving so be sure to chug as much as you can while stopped at a stoplight or stop sign. Safety first. Can you imagine the agony of hitting a pothole and spilling your beverage. Take no chances my friends. Obviously I’m kidding. There are no stoplights on gravel roads. Shoot, got distracted there, okay now back on message. This friend and I would pick one another up daily. I would grab a drink from the cooler, always grabbed an extra one for my brother, put it in a coozie, and then set it under the passenger seat. When he got in the car without question he would reach under the seat and grab his can of thirst quenching super nectar. It was always there. When is the last time you had 1,000% faith a fellow human would have your back???

I haven’t thought about that in a long time. Pretty cool though. Okay, now it is time for me to explain how my story will give you something positive to think about today. Life is not about accumulating possessions. Many people don’t understand that. They just want “more” all the time. More money, more cars, more houses, more more more. Then they can show it off to you in an attempt to prove to you how important and great they are. I saw a interview with the artist PitBull talking about his 17 super cars. I’m not impressed. Just because you are financially successful in life does not automatically mean you are a successful human. You might have to read that sentence a couple times.

A successful life in my opinion is measured by relationships. Not Friday night hook-ups, but the true relationships you cultivate throughout your time on Earth. How many people completely trust you to follow thru every single time?? You can’t buy trust. You can’t borrow it. You can’t beg for it. You have to earn it EVERY single day. It isn’t a “when I’m in the mood” thing or “I’ll do it next week” kind of thing. Can you be trusted to kill the spider?? Can you be trusted to remember your friend when grabbing yourself a cold drink from the trunk?? Those are little silly things Bucky.

You are 100% correct. They are little seemingly trivial things, but how can I trust you with big things when you haven’t put the time in gaining my trust doing the little things. Yeah that is big deal. Spend your time on Planet Earth (a very short time in the big picture) acquiring trust not stuff. A new car is not as important as a friend KNOWING without fail you will show up in that new car to give them a ride to the airport at 4:30 AM.

This blog is so far away from what I planned to write. Not a problem as I simply type what my brain is saying. Be a person of value and not just a person that has valuable stuff.

Love Who You Are Today, Tomorrow is not Guaranteed.

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

Get your FknBucky shirts for X-mas presents. Great for the whole family!!

15
Jun
22

Be Present

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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How you doing blog readers?? I want to start off saying thank you for supporting my dream and reading my words. I appreciate it very much. I was just out with Annie on a very hot night here in the Queen City. It is 9 PM and still almost 90 outside. I was sweating like crazy throwing the frisbee and had to use the headlight on my Companion (Scooter attachment to wheelchair/ Retail as low as $2,500) to see where to throw it. This insanely bright light also attracted every bug for a 3 block radius so that was super awesome also. I was sweating like a lady of the night in church, bugs all over, and a very happy dog that just wanted me to hurry up and throw the frisbee over and over and over.

I’m a good dog Dad and threw the frisbee many many times for the second time today actually. I put a lot of pressure on myself thinking every blog has to be the most amazing thing I’ve ever written, but that leads to me not blogging often. The person that is hardest and most demanding of me, is me. I set the bar high and will never stop trying to be better everyday. You know my philosophy of helping a stranger everyday without acknowledgement and one you may not know is I want to learn something new everyday. New skill, new word, new friend, new viewpoint, or whatever you want. To me learning is fun. I don’t understand people that refuse to read, refuse to try something different, refuse to talk to someone that disagrees with them (I mean TALK, not scream at or call names), and just grow as a person.

Zooming back from frisbee session I’m annoyed. I’m thinking the heat sucks, bugs suck, the guy in that car sucks, I hate that stupid bird over there, and not even realizing how negative my thoughts had become. I took the corner and saw downtown Charlotte all lit up which is pretty cool at night. My thought right then was “Man it is awesome being alive” and everything changed in an instant. Suddenly it wasn’t so hot, the bugs were gone, I still think the guy in the car sucks (not my fault he is a Ginger), and the bird was cool. His name was… Birds don’t have names or talk dummy. You guys/gals are gullible. ha. The reality was one simple view of the city got me back on the right path.

Life is a struggle. Accept that part of it. Fighting it or thinking somehow it will just get super easy one day is setting yourself up for guaranteed disappointment every time that nameless bird poops on your head. Hey, at least the Ginger didn’t poop on your head. My thought was I’m glad I’m present. What I mean by that is I was willing to let go of the junk and simply be present to recognize the blessings around me. I have an awesome dog, I have a great apartment in a fantastic city, I have a lot of great friends, and a wonderful family that I’m going to see in less than two weeks.

So I remind myself by writing this blog to be present in the moment. Enjoy the time we are blessed with on Earth. Be kind to others, compliment a random stranger on their shirt, shoes, car, hair, or whatever as it will make them stand a little taller and love their moment. A simple “wow, you look great today, that shirt is awesome” can make all the difference in the world to the right person. Hug your family and tell them how important they are to you. You don’t have to wait for a moment, a person, or anything to be a beacon of positivity in your life. BE THE POSITIVE.

It sounds so simple, but many many people on Earth will never get it or practice it.

Appreciate you all,

FknBucky

READ * THINK * LIVE FREE

The world misses you Ryan Cooper. You have not been forgotten and I pray everyday the horrible person that did this to you will be brought to justice.

30
May
21

Memorial Day

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Life is pretty awesome when you allow it to be. We live in America (most of us as I have some very distant readers) which is the greatest country in the world. Mainly because I’m here. There are a lot of people, millions of people in fact, that we will never get to know. They are impossible to meet. They laid their lives down to protect future generations in this country. In my opinion you owe them the respect to understand exactly how big that price was they paid. I love reading history. There is so much we didn’t learn in high school or college. Simply posting a photo on social media of a widow at a gravestone is not showing the respect all of those fallen soldiers deserve. You are free to stand on a street corner and yell “America Sucks”, “America is racist”, or “America is the devil” because of brave men and women you will never meet.

This country isn’t perfect, but no where is. Simply look at where we used to be compared to where we are now. Eventually we get it right, but it never happens overnight. I say this A LOT because it is true. You can’t HATE something or someone into changing. You can love someone so much they have no choice to trust you and learn from you. You take the most racist white power asshole out there and when you scream HATE at him/her you only fuel that hatred. Set that same person down with a black person that only shows love and compassion to them for a real conversation. That changes things. Even the biggest of ignorance can not ignore that all those feelings of hate are based in fantasy land.

Being wrong is okay. It is okay as long as when reality slaps you in the face, you learn the lesson and change your heart. On this Memorial Day weekend please take the time to understand the freedoms we enjoy 365 days a years did not come cheap. America isn’t perfect, but we have the freedom to change. We have the freedom to lead by example. We have the freedom to chase our dreams. Ignorance, evil, and just crap people are never going away. No matter how many laws you make, catchy slogans you come up with, or how many people you hate for good these type of people will always be there. Learn to identify them and then forget about them.

On another note I wanted to share a cool story. Years ago on Memorial Day I wanted to honor those that gave up all for my freedoms so I drove to Balboa Park in San Diego. Awesome place by the way. They have numerous museums for this and that. I had no plan and just went. I ended up at a military museum that honored some remarkable people who did extraordinary things when the need arose. I am fascinated at the strength some people have in the hardest of situations. Without a doubt stories like this help me daily to deal with my own challenges. Remember people don’t judge you on the problems you face, but they do form opinions about you from the attitude and strength you have facing those problems.

I was in this museum for about 15 minutes when some guy came up and asked if I wanted to meet “Gunny”?? I had no idea what the heck he was talking about, but of course I said yes. He took me into the back room where all the drugs were. Wait wrong story. When the door opened I rolled thru it and there he was. R Lee Emny. Mr Full Metal Jacket himself. I thought well this is a cool surprise. Turns out he was there as a spokesman for WD-40 to give a check to some Veteran charity. I believe it was Wounded Warrior Foundation, but not 100% on that. Point is I had no idea, but I was able to talk with him for almost an hour in that back waiting area.

He was awesome and had some great stories to share. Fun how sometimes things just happen. The world is a pretty amazing place full of incredible people. Take the time to learn from individuals outside of your circle. As we get older our circles seem to get smaller. My favorite thing in the world is talking to people from somewhere I know nothing about. I didn’t even know Estonia was a country until I met a girl from there. I think it is in Australia. Ha.

Use this day to show respect and appreciation to those that gave their lives for an idea of freedom. Learn their stories, teach those that look up to you to have respect, and mostly simply lead by example.

Get your FknBucky shirt ordered! I appreciate you all.

FknBucky

Read * Think * Live Free

17
Feb
21

Secret to Life.

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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Want to know the secret to life?? Make life fun for the people around you. Mess with people. You don’t have to be vicious or mean, but mess with their head a little bit. The first and most important step is to learn how to laugh at yourself. This is also a skill. Stop taking the “life” thing so seriously. No one gets out alive. You only get so much time. Here is the deal if you make an effort to make people in your inner circle feel good about themselves and laugh, your life improves. Now ready for the real mind blowing simplistic fact?? Imagine if everyone did that. If everyone on planet Earth could stop thinking about themselves and scheming on how to get more for ME the whole world could change overnight.

In the military the soldiers don’t fight for freedom back home, or for the right for some jerk to be able to burn the American flag, but for their brothers next to them. They put it all on the line for the guy/gal on their left and right. Freedom and flag burning jackhole are the results of this brotherhood and trust between those on the battlefield. When the bullets start flying they fight to keep the ones next to them safe and understand that those 2 people are doing the exact same thing. Together they are stronger and do not bend.

We don’t have any bullets flying at us or it doesn’t happen to often anyway, but we do have sour puss people in our lives that simply want to drag you and anyone else around them down into the poor me level. Don’t give in. It sucks down there. Say enjoy your trip into crybaby land, throw up some deuces, and be like peace out. Then avoid that crappy person for the rest of your life. Don’t worry they will find some other sucker to listen to the constant bitching, and together they can wallow around in the “world is too hard” mud together.

The world isn’t hard, you’re just a human that gets exactly what you deserve. You think negative, creating a basket full of crap thoughts, and then throw your negative seeds everywhere you go. Sooner or later that first negative seed starts to grow. And then another grows. And another. Pretty soon you have created a big fat negative forest that you live in. Of course you cry to anyone that will listen about how did this happen?? You freaking created it. That is what happened. You wanted the poor me sympathy from anyone who would willingly give it to you and then you just kept going. There is no one to blame but yourself and I’ll believe that until I’m killed by a gang of Chinese hookers at the age of 56 while out for a morning jog. Never ask a witch in the forest how you die. Lesson learned here the hard way.

Learn to smile. Learn to look at setbacks as learning opportunities. Learn to embrace others in your life warmly and leave your BS at the door. They don’t want to hear it. We all have stuff to deal with. You’re not special. I will gladly help anyone that needs it when I’m in a position to do so. You can ask anyone that knows me personally I am one of the first people call because they know I will help if possible and that I won’t hold back if I feel they need a kick in the ass. Don’t ask to borrow money. Chinese friends are expensive so I have no extra cash. The reason nobody likes you is because you don’t like yourself. It is sad and I wish it wasn’t the truth for so many, but when you have all this negative energy spewing out of you it is impossible to be happy alone because you suck.

So fix it and stop complaining about how you never catch a break all the time. The breaks are there. They always are, but when you are hell bent on crying about “poor me” those opportunities roll right on by to the next person ready to take advantage of them. Good things happening don’t come with a flashing light and hundred dollar bills raining from the sky which is what your lazy whining butt wants. No. They come in the shape of hard work, waking up everyday and getting after it, and believing in yourself. I can think of a dozen people I would like to tattoo this message on their chest, but I don’t waste my time anymore. If you aren’t willing to fix yourself, I’m not giving my energy to you. Nope, I say hello politely and then move on because my life is short and I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity I can identify. Wasting anytime in the crybaby mud hole isn’t for me.

So get after it. Smile A LOT. Help others. Go out of your way to help those that appreciate it, but always expect nothing in return. Expecting nothing means you can feel good about your deed and not have the let down thoughts like “I was sure person X would go on Facebook and tell everyone how great I am for helping.” If this is what you want stay home. You don’t get it. Simply put be happy you’re a good person inside and let that be enough because in the grand scheme of things this is the ONLY thing that truly matters.

Be kind to others and remember random acts of kindness make you a better person.

FknBucky

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