Posts Tagged ‘writing

18
Nov
24

My words are flowers

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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Crash!! It was all I heard. I looked down and saw the broken Corona beer bottle that just whizzed by my head laying smashed on my patio. I thought Hmmmmm beer bottles don’t normally fall from the sky, but I didn’t live in a normal place. No, I lived in paradise which was plagued with beautiful women in bikinis, beautiful women in one pieces, and beautiful women in well everything. I miss La Jolla. I looked up to see who threw this South of the border beer at my head and saw a beautiful woman in a bikini. She yelled down “Sorry!!”

I yelled back “You better slow your roll!!”

Ha. We all know I didn’t do that. Nope. I yelled “You don’t know it yet, but we are going to be best friends!”

That is true. All of it. She was my new neighbor that just moved in above me having her house warming party while I was having my 1,427th house warming party. We did become best friends are still close today. I got to know her family and she got to know all of my issues and perversions. Hey being my neighbor can’t be all fun. I started going to church at some point because I was struggling in life and she was kind enough to come with me. It became a Sunday thing for us and I cherished it. Sometimes her Mom would come down and join us which meant the world to me. Living in paradise was tough at times when your whole family lives very far away. Sometimes a dose of Mom when a guy is having tough times is better than any drug our prescription happy doctors can give. I grew to truly care about Elaine and always looked forward to my next dose.

I believe Moms should get flowers. Why?? Because they like them. I would get my drug Mom (get it?) flowers on days I knew she would be joining us at church. Part of my life struggles was affording my time in paradise, but I still spent money on flowers. Elaine hated me doing it. I did it anyway. She didn’t realize the moments of giving her flowers made me feel like a good son which is something I was craving at the time. I never told her that. I won’t ever be able to. She passed away last night. With tears blurring my vision I write this sentence.

I know a lot of people in this world. I’ve been blessed to have made some strong friendships in my life that matter to me for many reasons. I was lucky to know Elaine as well as I did. I always say if you want to know a person get to know their children and I’ve been even more blessed in that. I’m still close friends with that crazy broad that started our friendship by throwing Corona bottles at me. Stupid girl everyone knows I like Heineken. That drunken friendship became a spiritual one at church and I’m forever grateful for the heels stomping on my floor as an alarm clock, the cups of coffee and Coke Zeros to get me moving, and the acceptance into a family when I needed it.

I was banned from buying flowers the last few years. Funny part is I can afford them now. I am horrible about listening, but I will respect Elaine’s wish one more time. I will not send flowers to the celebration of life. Instead I will send these words. These words can be my flowers. I loved her and like many other people I will miss her. The holiday dinners, the coffee after church, the “Damn it Bucky”, and the love her genuine smile shined on everyone lucky enough to see it.

I love you neighbor.

FknBucky

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19
Jul
24

That one thing

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Short, tall, rich, poor, white, black, American, Brazilian, or anything else you can think of to describe what we all are. They are simply labels, but the truth when it is broken down, we are all humans. Democrat, Republican, Independent, or whatever party you choose to be a part of again we are the same. Only our minds are different. That thing inside your head that grows with you year after year. Each experience you have makes a notch in it creating who you are right now. Somewhere along the way a person cared enough about you to make sure you learned how to read otherwise you would be playing candy crush level 4,384 instead of reading this blog. You should call and thank them.

I have a point to this so hang on. People with less actually are able to appreciate the topic I’m writing about. The thing we all have regardless of who we vote for. The thing that so many humans forget to appreciate on a daily basis. We spend each day chasing a dollar, working for the man, being annoyed by those around us, and forgetting the best thing in each of us. What could that be? Simple and it is only one word. Blessings.

We all have them. Are you dry? Cool?? Do you have something to eat today?? It may not be steak and lobster, but if you have a full belly then you are blessed. You may not have a 23 bedroom mansion, but are you in the rain?? I don’t have air conditioning Bucky. Hmmmm. Do you have a fan? Blessing. I don’t have a fan Bucky. Hmmm. Got a window?? If the answer is no then you’re in jail. If you’re in jail stop wasting time reading this and go get a book. Start with this one. How to stop committing crimes for Dumbasses.

I wasn’t going to write this evening, but Annie kept shoving this darn football onto my lap. I was annoyed with her, but then it hit me that instead of annoyed I should feel blessed she wants to hang out with me. Instead of being annoyed with your family after a long week remember how blessed you are to have them. Close your eyes, imagine life without them, take ownership of that feeling, and then remember it every time you begin to be annoyed.

It is proven that people in poor countries are genuinely happier simply because they haven’t been tainted with all the BS some of us have been. They don’t compare their life with a fake family on TV. Instead they care about each other and appreciate the things they do have. I make a point to do that everyday, I always feel better about what I have today, and it reminds me to appreciate everyone I’ve met along the way. Thank you to everyone that has blessed my life.

Feel blessed right now. Be a shame to not be happy with a full belly.

FknBucky

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27
Jun
24

never ending stay…

By Bucktown Leave a Comment
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Well….. I extended my vacation by another day. Apparently they want you to crop dust the halls after stealing a kidney, but call it passing gas to sound professional until….. I said “farting” a bunch. The doctor finally loosened up her stature, but not my bowels. TMI… I know, but I promised honesty on this blog so suck it up buttercups. By the way speaking of honesty it turns out I’m not gay. That t-shirt is a liar. My friend Nuisance (see what I did there….) told me to be sweet to the nurses, but have you ever heard of a 24 hour restraining order??? Me either. Who knew asking her if she wanted to stick around and snort some of my meds with me was such a big deal…….. A couple lines of stool softener makes for one heck of a story later.

The TV is crap. The channels are 74-1, 74-2, 74-3, and on and on. I don’t know what that means. I have watched two westerns about a guy killing other guys over a woman. Both of them, but different guys dying from another guy killing them. I think the woman might be my stuck up crazy nurse. She would drive anyone to do some killing. She happens to be one that watched on as the others killed me on my last stay here. No joke there. She is sticking with the panic/anxiety story saying “Well you have anxiety when you’re dying.”

I can’t think of a truer statement. Just remember if you check out from not being able to breathe with 93% of your lung filled with fluid, it is the panic that did it. Can’t believe I was so stupid to think otherwise.

My kidney drain.

Might be yet another day. Got an issue with the kidney drain, and I’m not kidneying around.

Thank for all the prayers. Keep them coming and please share the blogs. Some of your friends might not be on my friends list and should hear my life lessons in the blogs. Be kind to others, stop holding petty grudges, and if someone makes you mad – hit them in the face.

FknBucky

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27
May
24

meet FKNBucky

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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I am ALIVE!!! This is true.

I am blessed. This is also true.

More truth for you. I have been in the hospital since April 30thish, 2024…… I went down for the big count. Around May 5th I ran out of air. I was no longer able to breathe. I was told for days by hospital staff that I was simply having a panic attacks. I do a lot of things. I curse to much. I call stupid lazy people stupid and lazy to their face. I love my family/friends. I make very inappropriate jokes/comments. I laugh at racist jokes. Mostly after I say them.

What I don’t do is panic. Ever.

I’ve had a bad kidney for over 6 years. I’ve had some other health issues for a lot longer. I’ve been trying to get these problems identified and handled and have tried for a very long time. Why don’t I tell you??? Cause you got your own BS to handle. I mean that in a positive light. I never planned for this to blow up so big and become such a hard thing to deal with. I had no strength, energy, and it sucked. I had no phone calls, emails, and couldn’t take of Annie. Some of the hardest and darkest days off my life. No doubt.

Slight side note, but relevant:

I am comfortable with violence. I think a punch in the mouth is needed sometimes. Given and received depending on what time you started day drinking. Day drinking with a side of violence. I love Wisconsin so much…. And IA, and NY, and AL, GA, NC, SC, KY, NJ, and a former CO resident named Nate from NJ, Dave Dean, and many others . When I fell out/died at the hospital for almost 3 days last week they forgot to move my left arm. Now it is numb and don’t work. Being a quad is HARD. I have so much more respect for those who face that challenge everyday.

It is Slllllloooooooowwwwly coming back. I feel like I should be able to punch the person responsible in their face without jail time. My left arm/hand is dominant although I am ambidextrous, but both arms are equal when attempting to push a wheelchair in a straight line. My logic is I should get to dot Billy’s “move the arm guy” eye so he sees fuzzy out his left eye while I’m stuck rolling in circles….. What if Billy is a girl Bucky??? Duh. I do the right thing and use gender neutral violence obviously throwing the headbutt. I’m not stupid. I am funny however and you love my genuine ass.

Now that I can use a phone again I have a lot of blogs to write. You will enjoy them. I’m sorry many of you had no idea how sick I was. I couldn’t type and it happened fast. PLEASE follow this blog and the podcast. Future info will come thru here and the podcast. I have a large family and SSOOO many amazing friends from all over the world. You are the reason I never stop fighting for my life or my right to say messed up things to make people laugh. This experience will be shared fully and I’m hoping to write blogs daily, but I also have a ton of therapy and life to catch up on.

I love you all. Truly. My family. My friends. My colleague’s who are both. Without you all there is no Allen, no nBucky, no FknBucky, no fight, no stories, and I owe all of you my life. Thank you.

FknBucky

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28
Mar
24

Small Battles

By Bucktown 3 Comments
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Booom. My life is hectic. I feel constantly busy, but I rarely think I get anything done. I am my own worst critic and that will never change. I spend a portion of each day doing for others that will never show up as “done” on my list, but it makes me feel good to make others smile. I share about 10% of what I actually do and I promise you will never know everything I do for others. Mainly because it isn’t your business, but you should know if hard times finds you, I will be one of the first to offer help. Sometimes that help is simply being a person to talk to. I have an ability to listen. I read the language of actions. I understand by mannerisms when someone wants advice or a different opinion compared to when someone just wants to let it out. Sometimes the best thing you can say is absolutely nothing.

I talk to all kinds of people everyday. I forget peoples names a lot because I talk to everyone. A fat funny guy in a wheelchair named Bucky is not an easy guy to forget. It is the cross I bear. I’m simply to awesome. I’m also very good looking and truth be told I am possibly the funniest human alive. Takes a lot of energy to be the coolest eff’ing person on the planet everyday, but somehow I get it done. Okay now that I’ve told my limit of lies for the day, let’s get to some truth. A couple I know recently had their first baby. I was very very excited for them, but something happened. I didn’t see them for a couple months and when I did it was clear something very bad happened. My heart broke.

I have seen them a few times and I still haven’t asked what happened. I never will. Someday they might tell me or they might not. Doesn’t matter. I still talk with them and after the first moment when I said “Something really bad happened, didn’t it??” They shook their heads yes and I instantly gave them both hugs and said “I love you”. That is it. When I see them now I talk about the weather, funny stories, and other stuff to help give their minds a break. They don’t need more people to look at them with pity and say “aaawwww I’m sorry”. I have an ability to make people feel good when they don’t. God gave me a gift and I do my very best to use it often.

You have to win small battles. Everyone deals with depression at some point in life. Bad shit happens to everyone. Every gender, race, income level, sexual preference, and whatever other labels you put on people. I make an effort to simply think of everyone as human and stop putting them into small categories. You should try it, but that is another blog.

What is a small battle Bucky?? Great question voice in my head. Yes I talk to myself and answer questions myself asks me. Here is a couple examples from my life. After I was paralyzed, life was hard. Physically it was harder to accomplish tasks and the mental battle I fought constantly was brutal. I could not flip a switch and be instant happy all day. I had to find little things to smile about everyday as stepping stones to get back to being my normal joyful self. These things just happened organically and were never forced. The song “Sanitarium” by Metallica was something my very close friends in high school loved and the beginning when the song goes bing ping we would always be like “EFF YEAH!!!!!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=luvv21ewfuk

I was rolling back to my car and that song came on. I had to smile. I thought about the times when it would play and we’d all get excited and pumped up. Maybe it sounds silly, but at that moment I was happy I lived thru the accident because if I had died there would be no more of those. Small battle. I love the ladies. I’ve always enjoyed the company of pretty women and that will never change. I was still in the hospital when we took an “outing” to the local mall. The occupational therapists take the new wheelchair people there to learn how to use an escalator and get around in public. A friend of mine was next to me as we were entering the mall. Two ladies got right in front of us and they both had that “Baby Got Back” thing going on. I looked at my friend and said “Hmmm guess it isn’t all bad”. My new height allowed me to stare at a lower level. Small battle.

I tell people often that it is okay to smile. It is okay to be happy. Just because some thing very tragic happened doesn’t mean you forfeit the right to smile. Trust me I get it. Trauma sucks. Getting paralyzed sucks. The reality is though when things like this happen there isn’t a redo button. You can’t wish it away. Being super sad and miserable will not erase it. It just doesn’t. I wish it did because I would be the first guy in line. If I could whine and bitch myself out of this wheelchair I’d start today. I am still working on the theory that if you eat Ice Cream 6 times a day it will make everything bad go away. It hasn’t reversed all the bad in my life, but I am fat now. So there is that.

You start with what you can control. That is your attitude. You have to be willing to let good in. A negative mind is closed for business. When your attitude is on board things begin to happen around you that will make you happy. These things will be small, but you notice them because you turned off the only allow negative in button. As long as you’re alive there is always hope for a better tomorrow. Hope alone won’t manifest it though. You have to work at it. Accept whatever it is and then start to find reasons to smile. I promise no matter what you’re dealing with, there is still great people around you, and events that will bring the positivity out of you.

I don’t have a problem right now Bucky. Good for you. That doesn’t mean you get to shut down. Quite the opposite actually. There is someone in your circle that is going thru something. Maybe they lost a pet, a family member, going thru divorce, or an illness. Make a scrapbook of their pet. Frame a nice photo of them with that family member. YOU have the power to change the world. We all do. Just have to use it. Be kind. Instead of always thinking about yourself think “What would I want someone to do if it was me going thru that??” Then do it. Help the person you love win a small battle. Then do it again tomorrow. Everyday. Never stop.

Do Yoga/Be Happy. Follow MishiahYoga on IG.

Want a better world?? Then make one. Become better. Don’t worry the world around you will follow.

FknBucky

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As always I appreciate every single one of you. PLEASE comment on WordPress (not FB) as it helps drive people to my blog. Share the blog when you can. More eyeballs helps me.

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04
Jan
24

A little VIVEK never hurt anybody!

By Bucktown 1 Comment
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The world. Crazy place. I simply love it. All of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the wrong, the good, the right, the people, the differences in all of us, and truth be told I want to experience ALL of it. I always have. I thrive in chaos. Many people do not. I’ve learned this about myself simply because I’ve been brave enough to be myself most of my adult life. I don’t make apologies for being who I am. Instead I think about my actions and words before I do or say them to make sure I’m not hurting someone. I don’t care about offending people, but I have no desire to hurt them. 

I have my own views and opinions, but I’ve tried to not make this blog political. I don’t pretend to know what you have gone thru in life and how you come to the place you are now. Left, Right, Center, or whatever is your business. I respect that and only ask you respect where I am. We’ve lost a lot of respect in that last 10 years. Maybe the internet. Maybe Trump. Maybe not. I will not blame one person for the actions of millions. That is simply put, stupid. I think Tyson is right when he says the world changed when we can’t punch people in the face for being a prick. Now they film it and put on YouTube.com for content. 

I’m visiting family in Iowa for Christmas. We did Christmas late this year and it has been very good. Nothing like being around family and people that love you unconditionally to recharge the batteries before taking on the new year. I encourage everyone that has “beef” in their family to find a way to settle it and move on. Life is too short to hold onto anger. For any reason. Hug it out and move on. It is that simple.

Yesterday I went to see Vivek Kiaswamaineiayashydeyalkda. He is running for President as a republican. No one had heard of this guy 6 months ago. Now his big forehead and amazingly beautiful wife are taking Iowa by storm. His schedule is insane. I respect how hard he is working to earn the trust of voters here. If you have not met him or gone to see him speak DO NOT speak negatively about him. You can dislike his ideas, but to question his character and love for America is truly unfair. I mean that about his bride. She is a smoke show and crazy smart as well. I was able to ask the first question yesterday, but before I did that I said “I believe everyone here can agree that you married WAY up!!” The room laughed and everyone felt a bit more eased. Never underestimate the power of laughter.

This man is genuine. To the core. No one contacted me before I showed up. It was a very small venue with probably 30 ish people there. I say this because he talked about who he is and what he thinks should be done to help this country become stronger. I was able to ask a question. No one coached me or anyone else. Vivek stood there with no prep and answered in a very honest direct way. I say this to you, go see for yourself. Please go see for yourself. He has big ideas, and truthfully I’d love to see him get a chance. If we want to just continue to do things simply because that is how it has always been done then why have elections at all?? You don’t lose weight by making ZERO changes to your life. Darn it Bucky!! I want to lose weight so bad, but I can’t exercise because I’m lazy. Change my diet??? No chance. Birthday cake isn’t going to eat itself so I make sure to have 7 pieces on everyone’s birthday. 

Okay. I wrote the above yesterday. I went to see him again today in Toledo, Iowa. He was late. Turns out he had a campaign stop one mile from the school shooting that happened in Perry, IA this AM. Eff’ng cowards are what these people are. No more no less. They are weak, stupid, crap bag, coward humans that we should forget existed. Don’t say their name and let them burn in hell where they belong. They don’t shoot up the local courthouse. The police station. The NRA meeting. An IRS building. Nope because those places have experienced people with weapons. Why in the heck do our schools not have experienced competent people with guns ready and willing to protect our most prized possessions?? I’m going to write more about this tomorrow.

This photo of Jessica is a reminder to never Google search BLOATED CORPSE. Bad Bad idea.

Our government is a bloated corpse. It is slow, stupid, and full of needless crap. It is crazy. We just allow it to happen like mindless zombies. We blame the Republicans or the Democrats, but you my friend are the one to blame. I am to blame. Our parents are at fault. We let this happen and still let it happen. Take the patient on Dr Pimple Popper. They come in with a massive growth on their head. We see it and think WTF, why didn’t you do something??? They say “oh I just didn’t have time.” You didn’t have time to cut the ginormous growth growing out of your ear off?? What the heck else did you have to do??? Seems like that should have been a priority. That is us. We are too stupid, lazy, and scared to cut the useless growth off of our ear. Don’t point the finger at politicians that did things YOU let them do!!!

This government is an outdated laptop. When your computer/phone starts acting crazy you shut it down and restart. Simple. Well we don’t do that with our laptop government. We simply buy a new outside case that looks shiny. All fixed. The important parts still run slow, stupid, and no chance of changing. Oh well. Let’s just put a D on the new case and blame the R’s! 8 years later. Put that shiny new R case on. 

I encourage you all to take the time to actually listen to this man. His message is crazy. So crazy it might just work. 

Home
Www.Vivek2024.com

He talks and believes he can unite the country. WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS!! Safe environment for our children. Good roads to drive on. Good jobs to work at. FREEDOM to say what we want. Freedom to fail and freedom to succeed. Police that protect all citizens and chase criminals, not political opponents. This country used to cheer for people with big crazy ideas. Somehow the idea of speaking up is now reason to be canceled. “Don’t you dare talk against anything I say you racist, fascist, misogynistic, gay hater, trans hater, people hater, happy hater, tree hater, grass hater, drug hater, water hater, oil hater, windmill hater, bird hater, meat hater, veggie hater, and all the other haters.” 

Stop for one moment. Think to yourself. Have I gotten wrapped up in all this hate?? Why do I hate X?

The answer is you shouldn’t hate anything. It is wasted energy. Stop listening to people that use you. Anyone that tells you to hate something should be cut from your life immediately. They are toxic.

I truly love you all. Treat each other well regardless of your politics. We are more alike than we differ. It is time to start there.

FknBucky

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I haven’t decided who I will support yet, but I will give my opinion on anyone I want to. I’m very glad I took the time to listen to Vivek in person. I encourage you to do the same. 

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