Writing. I haven’t done enough as of late. Not sure why as I’ve had plenty to say. That could be part of it. Sometimes I’d rather just keep my opinions to myself and save myself from the drama of having people who barely know me tell me how wrong I am. I know thousands of people from all over the world. It was life goal of mine to meet everyone on the planet. I’ve fallen short, but not from lack of effort. Ready for the blow your mind moment?? Only a handful of people on Earth truly know me. You’ve heard about me, had a beer or ten with me, got a couple pics with me, but none of those things mean you know me.
Do you know what today is??? I can never forget. I think about it every single day. My own personal hell that will never stop. I replay it over and over and over. I have no pause button. No redo. I can’t simply turn it off or ignore it. You look at me with pity only because deep down you know that you could never be strong enough to be me. You think about the easy way out. How you would quit before the game even starts. Anyone can train their body, lift lots of weights, do two hours of cardio, take drugs for faster and bigger gains, but true strength is in ones mind. I see past the muscles. I’ve already won before we start because I know the truth. Your mind is weak and you will give up when anything becomes difficult. I welcome all challengers. Prove me wrong.
What is the point today Bucky?? If you truly know me you wouldn’t ask. The past is just that. Passed. Gone. Never coming back. So why do you dwell on it?? Some of you even attempt to live in it. Refusing to let go. Like a dog, I can smell your fear and self doubt. You can never be great because you’re too scared to fail, to fall, to look foolish, to have the spotlight on you, and when your time comes you will die. Some will cry, some will say ”Oh that’s too bad” or ”He/She was a good person”, but after a few days it will be like you were never here or there. Don’t blame me for saying it, blame yourself for allowing it to happen.
20 years. Long time. Long time for an individual, but barely a drop in the bucket of life. I wrecked that motorcycle 20 years ago today. My spinal cord crushed. My body broken forever. Never to walk again without assistance. A life sentence. No parole, no probation, no time off for good behavior. Just pain. Just hardship. The fake smiles when you say ”You’re so strong” that translates into Thank God it isn’t me, I would kill myself.” Don’t feel bad. I’ve thought about that path many of times. No more falling out of my chair, no more spasms, no more accidents, no more pain, and no more stress when one takes the easy way out.
No more parties, no more visits with my nieces and nephews, no more hugs, no more challenges to overcome, no more puzzles to finish, no more happy, no more surprises, no more frisbee with the pup, no more anything. Just whatever happens after Earth. I have thoughts on the bad, but I let my mind dwell on the good. I overcome the challenges to enjoy the laughter, the good times, the memories we make, and do the best I can everyday to help others enjoy their short time here. To leave the party we call life early is just stupid. At 43 it is just getting good. The music is LOUD, turned up to 11. Pick your poison.
Tupac – California Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omfz62qu_Bc
Pantera – F&#King hostile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QcMhOFAVzE
Oasis – Champagne Supernova https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6cyIG0CRQg
Spooks – Things I’ve seen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AJ7W-HRa8g
I’m Bucky. If you know me, you know I don’t leave early, heck I don’t show up early. I show up fashionably late with a handle in each hand. A pack of pretty ladies behind me ready to make this night memorable. I pour shots and say ”Who is ready for the hot tub??” Whats that?? Bathing suits are for children. No memory worth having ever started with let me get my suit on. My smile is contagious. My dimples say ”this is a good idea” and thank God neither of those were damaged in that accident.
I could have died that day. Instead I got 20 bonus years that I have not wasted. Wake up. Stop quitting. Be spontaneous. Throw the middle finger up to those who wish to control you. You are not a D or an R. Liberal or Conservative. You’re a person. Capable of having fun, capable of helping others have fun, and hopefully capable of thinking for yourself. Hug your enemy. Pour shots for people that annoy you. Stop being a buzzkill. Stop saying ”you’re so strong” and simply cheers me when I say ”Here is to the next 20!!!”
I love life. It is hard. It sucks sometimes. It is beautiful. It is amazing. Most importantly it will be exactly as you want it to be. Want an adventurous life?? Be adventurous. Want a good life?? Be good to yourself and others. Want a crap life?? Fill your head with self doubt and treat those around you horribly. I promise you’ll have all the crap you can handle.
Don’t be weak in your mind. Be kind to everyone. Learn to enjoy failure, but learn from each time. Turn the music UP. Stay up late once in a while. Most importantly remember you are never too old to flip the bird to those that try to control you.
FknBucky
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FknBucky 