FknBucky

Mom Day. It is a great money making day for Hallmark, flower shops, and the liquor companies that supply the baby making super juice many of us owe our existence to. In turn though hopefully Mom Day makes a couple Mom’s out there feel pretty special and reminds them how much all of us good for nothing children really do love them. I have friends that give me shit for not sending cards, letters, or hell some times I don’t even call which causes some of them to go into cardiac arrest. I tell them all the same thing. I don’t need a day to remind me I love my Mom’s. That’s right Mom is plural in my life. I tell them how much they mean to me every time I talk to them. Twice a year.

I have many Mom’s and I’m thankful everyday for them, not just the one day the “man” tells me I have to be. For all you lame asses out there without the balls to do something creative I’ve written this blog. Print it out, sign your name, and take credit for my literary genius. You might want to delete this paragraph though. Otherwise do the same thing you did last year and use 3 minutes of your free time picking out that sweet Mom Day card at the liquor store while you buy a 12 pack of Busch Light and a pack of Camel lights. Nothing screams “I love you Mommy” like a liquor store greeting card.

I’m blessed to have my birth mother. This is the woman who carried my fat ass around for 9 months and then put up with me shitting myself for the first 5 years of my life. Took a while to learn how to use the toilet. Give me 8 beers and somehow I still seem to have issues… Screw you with your judging self. This is a nice Mom day blog, so stop messing it up. I told my Mom today in a text that I would call her in a bit. Like August. Ha ha true story. Then I told her that she made me, I like me, and I like her. I also said “I truly love her with all my heart and feel blessed she is my Mom.” That is a true story as well.

My parents didn’t stay together and it is what it is. It wasn’t always easy, but I was blessed with a second mom whom I call Mom, but for this blog I will call Mom Mary. She is an absolute Rock Star!! I told her this today in a text because she is my Rock and shines like a star. Cheesy — Maybe, but absolutely true. I couldn’t love her more like a Mom if you put a gun to my head and demanded it. God puts people in our lives for a reason and I’m a firm believer he knew what he was doing when he introduced me to Mom Mary. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of both my Moms for one reason or another, and I’m always sure to thank Big Bang Theory for putting them in my life.

I have many sisters that are now Mom’s and the blessings & heartaches I’ve seen them go through is the biggest roller coaster ride on the planet. Kissing owies, NOT helping my nephew up on roller blades, taking a beautiful and very missed niece for a “hell of a ride” down some “rapids”, and all the other countless/thankless jobs these angels do. Funny being on the inside when the kids run up to us as we are all drinking “adult beverages” to ask a dumbass I mean very important question. Mom always has the answer to make them feel like a genius and the most special kid in the world. Of course after they take off playing she makes a smart ass comment about how that one must have hit his/her head when she wasn’t looking. Ohh if I could only know what my Mom’s must have said after some of my dumbass questions, actions, and the car rides home from the police station….. Yep that is car “rides” keeping with the plural message here….

My sisters are all amazing mothers and they must have learned that skill from somewhere. There is no guidebook, there is no perfect way, just a simple answer in my opinion of loving a little person enough to do the best you can with what you have. Its amazing to have watched them grow up, make babies (I didn’t actually watch this part freak), and now mold the young minds that will be our future. We are screwed now that I think about it. Our Moms take care of us when we are little and it is up to us to look out for them when they grow older. I’ve told my Mom many times that she will never see the inside of an old folks home. She will stay with me locked in a closet while I spend her social security check on crack cocaine. Honesty is always the best policy she would tell me growing up.

Of course there is the mother of all that deserves all of our thanks. I’m talking about the ever nurturing mother Earth. Just kidding you fucking hippies. I’m writing this blog on a computer that I’ve charged with a gasoline generator while leaving my faucets run in my apartment being cooled with an air conditioner even though I’m not home. I just left the beach where I threw my cigarette butts in the ocean and used an old wine cork to kill a dolphin. I’m kidding of course. I kill dolphins with my bare hands.

I want to also thank all my friends Moms that put up with me, fed me, and showered me with motherly advice throughout the years. Not only did you raise some of the best friends a guy could ever ask for, but you always took the time to make me feel special and treat me as one of the family. You know who you are and to keep this blog under 20,000 words I won’t list you all. Just know that all those little things meant a lot like buying me beer, driving me to the free clinic, and of course letting me hook up with your daughter on the living room couch while you slept.

So to all the Mom’s out there I dedicate this blog today. Without you and your binge drinking many of us would not be here. Had you decided to make that short walk to the clinic many of us would not be here either. Thank you for being brave enough, patient enough to put up with our fathers (long enough to make a baby anyway), and loving enough to not drown my dumbass in a bathtub. God only knows how many times you must have thought about it.

Lastly to the mother of my children I say this. Thanks for the great times and sorry I never called. Ha ha. I’m just kidding the mother of my children will be graduating high school in a few short years and I’m very proud of her. By this time I’ll have my first million in the bank and be able to afford your gold digging ass just as God always intended.

I love you Mom, Mom Mary, and the rest of you Mommies out there. Especially the single Moms that I will visit later today in the champagne room. You make the world better, you are a hero to some little person out there, and every day you stay sober enough to read a bedtime story you prove there is a God, and most likely she is a very caring woman who made you in her image.

God bless the mothers!!!

Fknbucky

P.S. If you don’t share this blog on your facebook page you obviously hate your mother. Don’t be a mother hater…. 🙂