FknBucky

Black Friday. I don’t participate. I go out on White Wednesday. Can you imagine the uproar if that happened??? Oh well. At least we can all agree Mexican Monday can never be allowed to exist. For obvious reasons duh. Mexican isn’t a color. Check your crayons. That weird green that looks like guacamole after sitting out 7 hours is not called Mexican. Who knew I like guacamole?? Learn everyday.

I see the videos every year of the stampede to get a $400 flatscreen TV for $325. I will pay $425 for that exact TV to have it shipped to my house allowing me to never interact with the “humans” in line. I say “humans” because putting oneself thru that for a TV is stupid and I’d like to think I’m a different species than those “humans”. Money isn’t very important to me so saving $75 on a TV I wouldn’t buy in the first place is way down the list of crap to think about. When I moved to Charlotte 7 years ago I was extremely low on funds. Very low. I had no TV for over 4 years. Turns out you don’t need one to live. Prior to Charlotte, I didn’t work for a year and spent that time mooching off my family all around the country. I helped out around the house though. I’m not a complete freeloader. Every single day I would tell my nieces and nephews to do chores after they brought me a large bowl of ice cream while I watched episodes of Snapped.

Enough about me for now. Kids are awesome to order around. Watching a 4 year old kid struggle to change the trash bag is super fun. They drop coffee grounds and egg shells all over themselves and the floor allowing you to yell at them for making a mess as well. The only thing better than watching kids do chores is watching kids do chores while they cry. I’m just kidding. I don’t watch them, I’m busy watching Snapped. Darn it. Pay attention Boomer….. I do yell at them to cry quietly so I can hear my show. Best Uncle Ever.

I completely forgot what I was talking about. It is 4:29 AM and my spasms are making it impossible to sleep right now. My normal routine of screaming at them while working on my puzzle can’t happen cause I’m in Alabama. My brother made a no screaming rule which I follow, but I don’t like it. I call him my “no fun cause of the no screaming rule” brother. It is kinda wordy, but I believe the message gets across. He is not to be confused with my “no fun cause I can’t steal cash out of his wallet” brother. I mean come on. Loaning myself your money without asking is actually me doing you a favor. You don’t have to think of reasons to say “No” because you don’t know about it. It is a win win. It is extra cool cause I blame the missing money on the crying kids covered in coffee grounds. This all makes sense because coffee grounds are black and this blog is about Black Friday. Keep up.

I do look forward to Mexican Monday. Everyday items that are super useful will be 75% off. Things like rope, wall climbing shoes, snorkels, floaties, border patrol uniforms, anti-Trump bumper stickers, and other border crossing essentials. Obviously I’m joking, but if big business thought they could make a profit exploiting it, the “big guy” would make it happen as long as he gets his 10%. Insert Vice President awkward cackle laugh here. Don’t look South stupid, just sign off on sending 40 billion tax dollars to Ukraine so they can protect their border. If you question that logic you are a racist.

Some people enjoy the chaos of Black Friday. I’m not one of them, but I will say please be careful and polite. No amount of savings is worth someone getting hurt or killed. Remember that we are all “humans” so be kind to one another. If you can’t follow that rule stay home.

Love Who You Are Today, Tomorrow is not Guaranteed

FknBucky

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